Doc.DGAF

Your momma's so old she lost her virginity to Jesus.

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Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.-Confucius

Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.-Friedrich Nietzsche

Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure; men love in haste but they detest at leisure.-Lord Byron

Popularity's bad for you. I avoid it like the plague.-Brian Mulrooney

Go f**k yourself. Thank you. Good night.-Peter Newman

right-track

A Catholic priest and a Rabbi are standing on a streetcorner. A little boy walks by. The priest nudges the Rabbi and whispers, "Hey! Let's screw him!" The Rabbi looks confused and asks, "Outta what?"

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Choose Liverpool. Choose the dole queue. Choose to scam disability benefit. Choose mind-numbing, grinding efficiency over flair. Choose Torben Piechnik, Istvan Kozma and Paul Stewart. Choose not to win a single league title since the backpass rule was implemented. Choose penalties. Choose car stereos, hubcaps and stanley knives. Choose to trade on your proud sense of tradition and then not lift a finger in protest when two American billionaires who don't even know the name of your club decide to buy it. Choose to win the European Cup whilst only having to play seven matches. Choose to bask in a perpetual, sickening, media love-in. Choose celebrities who **** off out of your city as soon as they have earned the money to do so and then spend the rest of their lives harping on about how wonderful it is. Choose to sing about Munich until confronted with your own tragedy. Choose to end it all in an orgy of self pity, just another excuse to perpetuate the grief culture spawned by your selfish, insular ****ed-up excuse for a city. Choose your future. Choose Scouse.

right-track

This ones sick, but what the fuck.

What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Xmas?...
























...Cancer.

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Choose Liverpool. Choose the dole queue. Choose to scam disability benefit. Choose mind-numbing, grinding efficiency over flair. Choose Torben Piechnik, Istvan Kozma and Paul Stewart. Choose not to win a single league title since the backpass rule was implemented. Choose penalties. Choose car stereos, hubcaps and stanley knives. Choose to trade on your proud sense of tradition and then not lift a finger in protest when two American billionaires who don't even know the name of your club decide to buy it. Choose to win the European Cup whilst only having to play seven matches. Choose to bask in a perpetual, sickening, media love-in. Choose celebrities who **** off out of your city as soon as they have earned the money to do so and then spend the rest of their lives harping on about how wonderful it is. Choose to sing about Munich until confronted with your own tragedy. Choose to end it all in an orgy of self pity, just another excuse to perpetuate the grief culture spawned by your selfish, insular ****ed-up excuse for a city. Choose your future. Choose Scouse.

adidasss

^^...........you're going to hell.....

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right-track

I'm a Protestant...no such thing.

Blonde joke...

A blonde calls her boyfriend on the phone with a problem.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard.

None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's the picture of?", he asks.

"It's of a big rooster", she replies.

"All right," he says, "I'll come over and have a look."

When he arrives, she thanks him for coming over and leads him over to the kitchen table where she has it laid out. He takes one look at what she's been struggling with and says, "Oh, for fuck's sake, put the cornflakes back in the box!"

__________________
Choose Liverpool. Choose the dole queue. Choose to scam disability benefit. Choose mind-numbing, grinding efficiency over flair. Choose Torben Piechnik, Istvan Kozma and Paul Stewart. Choose not to win a single league title since the backpass rule was implemented. Choose penalties. Choose car stereos, hubcaps and stanley knives. Choose to trade on your proud sense of tradition and then not lift a finger in protest when two American billionaires who don't even know the name of your club decide to buy it. Choose to win the European Cup whilst only having to play seven matches. Choose to bask in a perpetual, sickening, media love-in. Choose celebrities who **** off out of your city as soon as they have earned the money to do so and then spend the rest of their lives harping on about how wonderful it is. Choose to sing about Munich until confronted with your own tragedy. Choose to end it all in an orgy of self pity, just another excuse to perpetuate the grief culture spawned by your selfish, insular ****ed-up excuse for a city. Choose your future. Choose Scouse.

Doc.DGAF

HAHAHAHAHHAH

Check it out, this is old but....

This blonde lady gets fired for screwing middle management for a job. A couple days later, she goes and aplies for a job at a Tickle Me Elmo factory right outside her town. She gets an interview and after some "debating" the foreman hires her. He explains her job to her and tells her to start Monday.

Monday rolls around, the foreman's doing some paper work in his office. One of the floor supervisors bursts into his office, "Boss, we got a problom!"

"What is it?"

"You gotta see this." the supervisor says half laughing. Now the foreman's intrigued, so he goes out to have a look. He sees Elmos piled up all over the floor! The supervisor leads him to the source of the problom, and they find the new blonde sitting in a chair with Elmos piled up everywhere around her, a big ball of red yarn, some red cloth and a huge sac of marbles.

They watch as she takes two marbles, wraps them in the cloth and sows 'em to the dolls. The foreman explodes laughing! After a minute or so she's baffled and asks, "What's wrong?"

The foreman still giggling replies, "You misunderstood me! I said give Elmo two test-tickles!"

__________________
Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.-Confucius

Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.-Friedrich Nietzsche

Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure; men love in haste but they detest at leisure.-Lord Byron

Popularity's bad for you. I avoid it like the plague.-Brian Mulrooney

Go f**k yourself. Thank you. Good night.-Peter Newman

LesPaul43

Soo this isnt offensive but i dont care..

Why did the plane crash?










Because the pilot was a loaf of bread !!!

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Life's not a bitch life is a beautiful woman
You only call her a bitch because she won't let you get that pussy
Maybe she didn't feel y'all shared any similar interests

bungalowbill357

That made me laugh soooo hard. You are quite the comic LesPaul.
Wow, I can't stop laughing.
That was such a good joke, you are soo good LesPaul.

HAHAHAHAHAH!

sleepy jack

Hahahhahahahhahahah
Oh god, scott that was gold.

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You're so evil and I'm so good,
I'll make it up to you someday.

Merkaba

That pwned.

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Right you lot, shut it. Strewth Fowler my son, all looks a bit pear-shaped round here or what. The govenor's talking, Saturday's game, very dodgy, very naughty, could go a little pear-shaped. If there's a rough things might be well iffy. These faces are a little bit hard, know what I mean, a little bit of oof, have some of that my son, bosh, sorted, ta ta, got me, so be clever. Good, now shut it!