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Last of the Musicologists
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: swansea, wales, uk
Posts: 1,463
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stupidly awesome lyrics.
"A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying" I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love. It had been a while. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10. I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes. Name was Russell. Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Well I find it's quite a thrill When she grinds me against her will Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave", this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock. Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin', 'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer." Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance. And then she told me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation. 'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl. Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Well I find it's quite a thrill When she grinds me against her will Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?" Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean. Got to nail her back at her trailer. Heh. That rhymes. I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula. Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Well I find it's quite a thrill When she grinds me against her will Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin and slid on into The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop. There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb", when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton. Well, my heart just dropped. So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. I never thought missing children could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud? Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Well I find it's quite a thrill When she grinds me against her will Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' manic street preachers - suicide is painless. Through early morning for I see Visions of the things to be The pains that are withheld for me I realise that I can see That suicide is painless It brings so many changes And I can take or leave them if I please The game of life is hard to play I’m gonna lose it anyway The losing card of some delay So this is all I have to say That suicide is painless It brings so many changes And I can take or leave them if I please The sword of time will pierce our skin It doesn’t hurt when it begins But as it works it’s way on in The pain grows stronger watch I bring That suicide is painless It brings so many changes And I can take or leave them if I please A brave man once requested me To answer questions that are key Is it to be or not to be And I replied oh why ask me That suicide is painless It brings so many changes And I can take or leave them if I please mr.bungle - squeeze me maceroni. I wanna lock Betty Crocker in the kitchen And knock her upper during supper Clutter up her butter gutter Hostess Ding Dong wrapped an eggroll around my wong While Dolly Madison proceded to ping my pong Your Milky Way is M'n'M in your britches And I'll tell you Baby Ruth it looks mighty delicious Keep blowing my gum, cuz here I come I'm gonna get you all sticky with my Bubble Yum Knick knack paddywhack and give your dog a bone, baby I was givin' some head to some french bread It was a four course orgy on the spread of my bed French kissin' french fries in my Fruit of the Looms I get deeper penetration with a fork and a spoon I got yogurt meat loaf smeared all over my ass I stick my weiner in two buns and and then give it the gas Sour cream from my spleen into Levi jeans Gonna bust the seams with my refried beans Ronald McDonald just loves to be fondled With Big Mac he'll **** it like a Chicken McNugget Colonel Sanders wants to goose Granny's loose caboose He's gonna give her a boost with that Kentucky fried juice Sooper doop poop scoop, loop de loop, chicken coop Shoot some hoop, top sirloin from the groin Topped with **** cheese, sneeze, wheeze, From the skeez disease, wooi! Take a dump, baby, squirt some gravy Pour some sugar on me, honey, make it brown & runny Give a little Flavor Flav, back from the grave Gonna burn some toast, pump some humpin' rump roast Knick knack paddywhack, jump in the sack, in fact Jerk the smack and crack Jack from the back Bananarama or ramabanana ****in' Barry Manilow on the Copa Cabana Squeeze me macaroni, slop your face with my bologna You gotta syphon the spinach, you gotta cream the corn Sperm scrambles the eggs and a meal is born Cookin' like a beginner, but I'm goin' up in her I had Fritos for lunch I'm havin' bush for dinner Chef Boyardee and the Three Muskateers Shove Charleston Chews in their rears like queers "Holy moly, guacamole!" said my Chips Ahoy I'm gonna pinch a ravioli on the Pillsbury dough...Tall man Knick knack paddywhack and give your dog a boner, baby We came to pottie...we came to pottie down your throat
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My Myspace. My Bands Myspace - Please Show Some Love Here. My Youtube. My Ultimate Guitar. |
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