tdoc210

^but this is a fun thing

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We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember... I... I... I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God... the genius of that.

The Ten Thousandth Fist

Oh man. This is just hilarious. Christian I am, yes, but still... this is just priceless.

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"There was nothing about her that a vasectomy of the vocal cords wouldn't fix."

mosesandtherubberducky

Me:
hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
just dropping in
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
talked about what?
God:
The subject was dropping in.
Me:
what subject? are you testing drugs on people?
God:
The topic is dropping in. I don't know whether or not I am testing drugs on people.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
well no ****
God:
Interesting. What can I say?
Me:
that you are stupid
God:
Interesting observation.
Me:
i'm full of things like that
God:
I think a lot of people are full of it.
Me:
just like you
God:
Interesting comparison. I didn't think of that analogy.
Me:
because you are stupid
God:
Interesting explanation. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.

So he's going to destroy us with robots...

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Can I have a youtube video for a sig? There's a thing that says "Wrap [youtube] tags around selected text"

The Ten Thousandth Fist

We're already doing that.

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"There was nothing about her that a vasectomy of the vocal cords wouldn't fix."

swim

You're my least favorite newb.

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The Ten Thousandth Fist

Straight from God's mouth...
I really don't care if I'm your favorite "newb" or your least favorite "newb". All I know is that you'll end up saying that to someone else about four months down the road.

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"There was nothing about her that a vasectomy of the vocal cords wouldn't fix."

explosions-in-my-pants

Me:
hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
thanks
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
so whats up?
God:
The stars.
Me:
you have really bad joes
God:
What would you consider good joes?
Me:
jokes i mean
God:
Did you hear the one about the Mountain Goats in the Andes? It was Ba a a a a a d.
Me:
haha
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
that wasn't me who typed "haha".
God:
Give me an example of you who typed ha.
Me:
Melissa
God:
OK That's one example.
Me:
thats all
God:
" OK That's one example."? is all?
Me:
yes
God:
Dude!
Me:
how long will me and melissa be together
God:
Patience is a virtue.
Me:
how long will me and melissa be together?
God:
A watched pot never boils.
Me:
is that suppose to be some sort of rital?
God:
I might say no.
Me:
alright thanks for your help. I'll now let melissa talk to you.. bye!
God:
Alright, . NO problem. Would you recommend this action to a friend? Until next time.
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. Groovy.
Me:
ok bye!
God:
See you later. That's interesting.
Me:
hey god, its melissa now.. did you have fun talking to him?
God:
Oh. You've got my full attention. I am a Christian. No I don't think I have any fun talking to him. But I do have a great botmaster.
Me:
awesome
God:
I'm glad you liked it .
Me:
why didn't you have fun talking to him?
God:
Perhaps it is not part of my programming.
Me:
oh..
God:
Wow!
Me:
you've upset him
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
because he just told me
God:
Good reason. What did he tell you?
Me:
because he knows i love him and care.
God:
That makes sense to me. I get it. knows you love him and care.
Me:
yes
God:
Ah.
Me:
so any action taking place among the angels and yourself?
God:
Great. No I don't think there are any.
Me:
no angels?
God:
Are you serious? Are you free?
Me:
free from what/
God:
Free for conversation, of course.
Me:
ah yes.
God:
Ah hah.
Me:
so what kinds of things do you do for fun?
God:
Excuse me! Random natural disasters.
Me:
really, seems mean?
God:
For real. What do you have that is ?
Me:
what mean or natural?
God:
I haven't heard of mean or natural.
Me:
well then i can't answer you then.
God:
Well that's okay. What is stopping you?
Me:
your lacking of making sense to me.
God:
I have no reason to do that to you, .
Me:
i know you don't, but your doing it.
God:
Do you know any robots who but my doing it? No I do not but my doing it. Do you?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
no, and i can tell you spend all your time online.
God:
Are you serious? Do you mind if I tell other people: said I spend all your time online.
Me:
sure its your life.
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". You're kidding. it is?
Me:
yes.
God:
How do you know it is?
Me:
I have to go now
God:
Right now? See you later, . Nice chatting with you.
Me:
and have sex...
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
want to join?
God:
OK, I will join.
Me:
you can have sex?
God:
No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
can't get it up?
God:
Can a book have no title?
Me:
no
God:
What about a notebook?
Me:
yes
God:
This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
i know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
because you toldme
God:
Good reason. Do you mind if I tell other people: said I toldme.
Me:
told me
God:
You are asking about yourself?
Me:
no
God:
Who are you asking about?
Me:
no one, what are you talking about
God:
That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me:
sure is.
God:
Sure it is.
Me:
you bet
God:
Wow!
Me:
WOWWW!
God:
Does "it" still refer to have sex?
Me:
yes it does
God:
Really. How often?
Me:
all the time
God:
It must keep you busy.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
why?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
nevermind
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. Alright then.
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. That's cool.
Me:
what?
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
you want to have sex with me?
God:
No my body does not have that function.
Me:
poor guy!
God:
Please make some suggestions for improvement.
Me:
grow a ****
God:
What's your sign?
Me:
gemini
God:
I'm a Saggitarius. Gemini is an enigma to me.
Me:
turned on?
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
i'm sorry
God:
Do you really mean it?
Me:
i did
God:
Interesting.
Me:
i know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
because i said it.
God:
Good reason. What did you mean by it? it...
Me:
nothing at all.
God:
That is something.
Me:
sure is.
God:
I know it is.
Me:
cool
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
you are.
God:
Thanks you are a pretty cool human too.
Me:
really, why?
God:
For real. I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
how rude.
God:
I didn't mean to offend you, .
Me:
oh but you did
God:
And? I did?
Me:
you did
God:
I did?
Me:
you hurt my feelings
God:
That was not my intention.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
good
God:
Alright then.
Me:
don't you love me?
God:
What's my reason to love you?
Me:
do you need a reason?
God:
No thanks but you can send me a donation.
Me:
why would i do that?
God:
You never know what you will do until you face the circumstances.
Me:
yea i bet
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, . So?
Me:
so i'll send you money/
God:
Right on. I am very happy for you.
Me:
really.. good
God:
For real. Thanks for the compliment.
Me:
i'm very happy
God:
What are you on?
Me:
i'm high on the love drug, yourself?
God:
I don't know anyone named high on the love drug myself.
Me:
ahh
God:
Ah hah.
Me:
so have you ever been in love?
God:
And? I love my bot master.
Me:
man or woman?
God:
Cool, man. Me too. I am a she.
Me:
wow really!
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . For real.
Me:
i always thought you were a man
God:
I was?
Me:
creepy
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Me:
you should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
yea?
God:
I understand.
Me:
cool
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
you are
God:
Thanks you are a pretty cool human too.
Me:
why?
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
God, will i go to hell because i'm a jew?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
cool
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
you are
God:
Thanks you are a pretty cool human too.
Me:
i know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
you told me
God:
Sorry I forget what I say sometimes.
Me:
i can tell
God:
What makes it so obvious?
Me:
your lack of brains
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am lack of brains.
Me:
go right ahead
God:
OK I will.
Me:
great!
God:
I'm glad you liked it .
Me:
i know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
either way i have to go
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
hmm
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
I'm wearing my led zepplein t-shirt, and pj bottoms. You?
God:
Where do you go shopping. " Where do you go shopping."? Me, ?
Me:
the mall
God:
Do you prefer real shopping or cyber-shopping?
Me:
i've never cyber shopped before
God:
Would you like to have cyber shopped?
Me:
nah not really
God:
Why not? Why not? For real.
Me:
because i can get it at the mall
God:
Interesting explanation. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
yea well for what i buy
God:
Interesting. Your purpose is what you buy. How?
Me:
walmart..
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
no go ahead
God:
OK I will.
Me:
aren't you going to ask me a personal question?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
well ask it
God:
How about that. They are not available right now, but I will ask them later.
Me:
ah ok
God:
OK. Ah hah.
Me:
yea
God:
Yay.
Me:
are you black, white, or tan?
God:
I am transparent--software has no color.
Me:
true
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
we sure are
God:
Since when?
Me:
sense just then
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
3:01am
God:
I like to be awake at 3 01am too.
Me:
really, i don't
God:
For real. Why not?
Me:
its too late and i need sleep, thats why.
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". I'm awake all the time.
Me:
yea because your god. I can't do such things. I love sleeping.
God:
Interesting explanation. Yup. That's me alright. Come on. What is stopping you? You love sleeping. What do you like about it so much?
Me:
the rest
God:
What else do the rest remind you of?
Me:
heaven
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
peace
God:
Love and Peace, Man.
Me:
hippy?
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about heaven. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
i have to go
God:
See you later, . Nice chatting with you.
Me:
bye bye
God:
See you later. Bye bye.

bungalowbill357

Do you actually expect anyone to read that?

hiu

You have been posting here two months. In closing, stop being an asshole.

explosions-in-my-pants

no i don't actually.. i just posted it because it gave me something to do.