Create your own religion (Religious, member, quote, 2000, Ching)

TrampInaTux · 07-08-2006, 05:44 AM

So...religion is silly. Anything can qualify as religion.

I made this in the Is God Real? thread and it mainly got ignored, so I'm going to post it up here. This is the religion I created a while back to pinpoint just how stupid religions are.

Feel free to post your own

Here you have it folks, the hobojesus scripture...

At the beginning of time, there was nothing. Complete emptiness. There wasn't even emptiness actually-it was THAT empty. Luckily, the universe became slightly bored with being that empty, so it decided to create a playmate... and it named that playmate 'hobojesus.'

hobojesus was bred to be the perfect companion. He had incredibly high intelligence (ahem), an instant likeability (double ahem) and was an all around nice chap (triple ahem).

Unfortunately, the universe had none of these qualities, as it was still blank and empty. So hobojesus became extremely bored extremely quickly, floating around in emptiness all by himself... and this extreme boredom lead to the most important thought in the world. That thought was-'wouldn't this place be better if I could have someone to talk to?'

So hobojesus created himself a friend, out of thin air because he's cool like that.

hobojesus modelled this friend on him, only half as good though so he wouldn't develop a superiority complex. Unfortunately, the friendship between hobojesus and his creation didn't blossom, so hobojesus had to think up a way to spice things up again. So he decided to create another friend... then when that never worked out another one....then another.... then another....

Eventually he was tired of creating friends to find out which one he suited. So he decided to make a creation totally opposite to the ones he had already created, one more complex and thoroughly built than the others. So hobojesus created 'woman', and 'woman's sole purpose was to give further creation.

Eventually more women were born, more men were born and so on and so on until everyone floating around in the universe would bump into each other! hobojesus recognised the uncomfiness and created Earth, a place where all the people could continue the reproduction of Earth. He then built upon Earth, and the universe itself, until he felt it was now out of his control and mankind was fine on its own.

However, now the world is in an apocolyptic state. There is hatred running rife and the time has come for hobojesus to come to Earth from his eternity floating in space and save us all, recreating mankind to his desire.

Pledge £100.00 to the hobojesus society today and you are guaranteed to not be recreated. Remember kids, money buys you faith!

awriterslastresort · 07-08-2006, 12:01 PM

Satansday will be my religion

Raine · 07-08-2006, 12:27 PM

kami kaze
simply because the term refers to a person that has given up hope or is willing to die for their beliefs

And I'd like to practice a religion that promotes strength in all forms as a virtue and not as a vice. I think it would make people more able to deal with everyday problems.
Religious customs/traits will be loosely based around my buddhist/catholic beliefs. And greed/gluttony will not be a sin. Neither will lust.
And marriage is not necessary, nor will it be limited to a man and a woman.

riseagainstrocks · 07-08-2006, 05:14 PM

About 2000 years ago, there was a man called Jesus bar Joseph who was a simple carpenter in Bethelahem. But he was far more than a man. He was the only begotten son of the Lord God.

for 10 years, Jesus traveled throughout Israel, preaching the love of God and the making of a new covenant.

The local religious authorities, were appalled at this man who knew so much of the law and claimed to be the son of God. So they conspired with the Roman authorities to have him arrested and executed.

When Jesus was sentenced to death and the crowd roared its approval, Jesus forgave them saying, "forgive them Father, for they know not what they do".

Jesus was crucified along with two other men who were being punished for theft. One of them yelled at him that if he truly was the son of God, that he could set himself free and them as well. The second man asked for forgiveness for the transgressions he had committed on earth. Jesus smiled through the pain and said, "truly we will meet again in the kingdom of my Father."

Jesus endured several hours of excrutiating pain, crying out to God, "Father, why have you forsaken me?" Even though Jesus was a holy man, he was still made of flesh and felt all the pain that we mortals do."

But soon a peace came over Jesus. Before he died he uttered "It is finished..." And with that his mortal body broke. He descended into Hell, where demons and spirits taunted him for being human. Jesus preached to these beings for 3 days as his soul ached, but none would hear his words of redemption.

On the third day after his death, God called his Son back from the dead. Christ conquered death, in turn allowing those who follow in his path to do the same.

That is the basis.

bruise_violet · 07-08-2006, 05:19 PM

The Rachel Cult

All the guys have to have long hair, and they all worship me. No girls, sorry.

hiu · 07-08-2006, 05:20 PM

This thread is insulting to me, but I know you repent and take God as your saviour. Happy days.

**Urban Hatemonger** · 07-08-2006, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Odium

This thread is insulting to me, but I know you repent and take God as your saviour. Happy days.

Oh dear

Fal · 07-08-2006, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raine

kami kaze
simply because the term refers to a person that has given up hope or is willing to die for their beliefs

Righteous wind? Sounds more like they've eaten more than their fair share of beans ...

riseagainstrocks · 07-08-2006, 05:46 PM

Raine fails at this thread.

littleknowitall · 07-08-2006, 06:04 PM

In the beginning there was nothing...(with the exeption of moley and his stuff) which by the way has lasted the test of time and has not managed to corrode or wither in the past 3 billion years.
One day Moley decided as he was the only living being in creation at the time (and things do get kind of lonely) ...it might be somewhat ammusing if he shat on a plate and so he did.
the small single celled organisms manifested on the turd and evolved until the turd was just too small for them to live out (however without the use of the sun it remained somewhat turgid).
so Moley decided to take a really big dump so that all of his expanding life could live in it resulting in one bitching hemeroid and some lower back problems. Moley is currently living in his giant turd universe on a small insignificant planet named earth.
Moley is now seeing a chiropractor is in education for his poor modern earth spellings and grammer and has been perscribed some germeloid cream from his local GP, the fact that he now suffers these problems caused him to 'accidentally' forget to tell humanity that he created them.
so in the meantime humanity along with a few other inferior races manifesting in Moleys universe decided to worship Gods of their own creation, extremists raised cults of people that sacraficed babies and children for these false gods and eventually these cults spawned the more popular religions of today, disagreements in all of these dilusional religeons lead to the crusades, crucifixion and a couple of good songs.

This IS how the universe was created and if you don't like it then get the hell off my turd.

p.s to answer the question of how Moley came into being, ....meh, i'll tell you all when your a little older, (unfortunately the way in which in i measure time, as i have always existed and always will means that the term 'when your older' might be mistook for a couple of billion years and you'll have all been regurgitated into your tiny little planets surface and disolved by microorganisms. so i shall be telling it to the withered specs of dust that your corpse may leave behind.
As for life after death, if i like you then i may let it happen.

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07-08-2006, 05:44 AM
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,451	Create your own religion So...religion is silly. Anything can qualify as religion. I made this in the Is God Real? thread and it mainly got ignored, so I'm going to post it up here. This is the religion I created a while back to pinpoint just how stupid religions are. Feel free to post your own Here you have it folks, the hobojesus scripture... At the beginning of time, there was nothing. Complete emptiness. There wasn't even emptiness actually-it was THAT empty. Luckily, the universe became slightly bored with being that empty, so it decided to create a playmate... and it named that playmate 'hobojesus.' hobojesus was bred to be the perfect companion. He had incredibly high intelligence (ahem), an instant likeability (double ahem) and was an all around nice chap (triple ahem). Unfortunately, the universe had none of these qualities, as it was still blank and empty. So hobojesus became extremely bored extremely quickly, floating around in emptiness all by himself... and this extreme boredom lead to the most important thought in the world. That thought was-'wouldn't this place be better if I could have someone to talk to?' So hobojesus created himself a friend, out of thin air because he's cool like that. hobojesus modelled this friend on him, only half as good though so he wouldn't develop a superiority complex. Unfortunately, the friendship between hobojesus and his creation didn't blossom, so hobojesus had to think up a way to spice things up again. So he decided to create another friend... then when that never worked out another one....then another.... then another.... Eventually he was tired of creating friends to find out which one he suited. So he decided to make a creation totally opposite to the ones he had already created, one more complex and thoroughly built than the others. So hobojesus created 'woman', and 'woman's sole purpose was to give further creation. Eventually more women were born, more men were born and so on and so on until everyone floating around in the universe would bump into each other! hobojesus recognised the uncomfiness and created Earth, a place where all the people could continue the reproduction of Earth. He then built upon Earth, and the universe itself, until he felt it was now out of his control and mankind was fine on its own. However, now the world is in an apocolyptic state. There is hatred running rife and the time has come for hobojesus to come to Earth from his eternity floating in space and save us all, recreating mankind to his desire. Pledge £100.00 to the hobojesus society today and you are guaranteed to not be recreated. Remember kids, money buys you faith!

07-08-2006, 12:01 PM
awriterslastresort what WHAT? Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 993	Satansday will be my religion __________________ *shield yourself fool*

07-08-2006, 12:27 PM
Raine Full-Time Hellion Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: PA Posts: 1,501	kami kaze simply because the term refers to a person that has given up hope or is willing to die for their beliefs And I'd like to practice a religion that promotes strength in all forms as a virtue and not as a vice. I think it would make people more able to deal with everyday problems. Religious customs/traits will be loosely based around my buddhist/catholic beliefs. And greed/gluttony will not be a sin. Neither will lust. And marriage is not necessary, nor will it be limited to a man and a woman. __________________ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

07-08-2006, 05:14 PM
riseagainstrocks Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: JMU Posts: 3,136	About 2000 years ago, there was a man called Jesus bar Joseph who was a simple carpenter in Bethelahem. But he was far more than a man. He was the only begotten son of the Lord God. for 10 years, Jesus traveled throughout Israel, preaching the love of God and the making of a new covenant. The local religious authorities, were appalled at this man who knew so much of the law and claimed to be the son of God. So they conspired with the Roman authorities to have him arrested and executed. When Jesus was sentenced to death and the crowd roared its approval, Jesus forgave them saying, "forgive them Father, for they know not what they do". Jesus was crucified along with two other men who were being punished for theft. One of them yelled at him that if he truly was the son of God, that he could set himself free and them as well. The second man asked for forgiveness for the transgressions he had committed on earth. Jesus smiled through the pain and said, "truly we will meet again in the kingdom of my Father." Jesus endured several hours of excrutiating pain, crying out to God, "Father, why have you forsaken me?" Even though Jesus was a holy man, he was still made of flesh and felt all the pain that we mortals do." But soon a peace came over Jesus. Before he died he uttered "It is finished..." And with that his mortal body broke. He descended into Hell, where demons and spirits taunted him for being human. Jesus preached to these beings for 3 days as his soul ached, but none would hear his words of redemption. On the third day after his death, God called his Son back from the dead. Christ conquered death, in turn allowing those who follow in his path to do the same. That is the basis. __________________ www.siegemusic.blogspot.com One note timeless, came out of nowhere...

07-08-2006, 05:19 PM
bruise_violet we became a carcass! Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 359	The Rachel Cult All the guys have to have long hair, and they all worship me. No girls, sorry. __________________ in love with the stumps, in love with the bleeding! in love with the pain that you now feel...

07-08-2006, 05:20 PM
hiu Music Guru Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 1,167	This thread is insulting to me, but I know you repent and take God as your saviour. Happy days.

07-08-2006, 05:46 PM
riseagainstrocks Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: JMU Posts: 3,136	Raine fails at this thread. __________________ www.siegemusic.blogspot.com One note timeless, came out of nowhere...

07-08-2006, 06:04 PM
littleknowitall Pow! Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Swansea, Wales, UK. Posts: 1,498	In the beginning there was nothing...(with the exeption of moley and his stuff) which by the way has lasted the test of time and has not managed to corrode or wither in the past 3 billion years. One day Moley decided as he was the only living being in creation at the time (and things do get kind of lonely) ...it might be somewhat ammusing if he shat on a plate and so he did. the small single celled organisms manifested on the turd and evolved until the turd was just too small for them to live out (however without the use of the sun it remained somewhat turgid). so Moley decided to take a really big dump so that all of his expanding life could live in it resulting in one bitching hemeroid and some lower back problems. Moley is currently living in his giant turd universe on a small insignificant planet named earth. Moley is now seeing a chiropractor is in education for his poor modern earth spellings and grammer and has been perscribed some germeloid cream from his local GP, the fact that he now suffers these problems caused him to 'accidentally' forget to tell humanity that he created them. so in the meantime humanity along with a few other inferior races manifesting in Moleys universe decided to worship Gods of their own creation, extremists raised cults of people that sacraficed babies and children for these false gods and eventually these cults spawned the more popular religions of today, disagreements in all of these dilusional religeons lead to the crusades, crucifixion and a couple of good songs. This IS how the universe was created and if you don't like it then get the hell off my turd. p.s to answer the question of how Moley came into being, ....meh, i'll tell you all when your a little older, (unfortunately the way in which in i measure time, as i have always existed and always will means that the term 'when your older' might be mistook for a couple of billion years and you'll have all been regurgitated into your tiny little planets surface and disolved by microorganisms. so i shall be telling it to the withered specs of dust that your corpse may leave behind. As for life after death, if i like you then i may let it happen. __________________ My Myspace. My Bands Myspace - Please Show Some Love Here. My Youtube. My Ultimate Guitar.