Video game review thread (pop, rock, genre, album, effects)

**boo boo** · 09-09-2007, 01:42 AM

Simple concept, submit reviews of games. Its like the album review section, but just one thread.

And theres no rule that says you cant review a game that has already been reviewed.

I'll start with an old arcade classic.

Donkey Kong
Developer: Nintendo
Platform: Arcade
Yeah: 1981

Rating: 8

In many ways Mario could be compared to Charlie Chaplin, these two mustached heroes aside from being pop culture icons perfectly defined their respective art forms before anyone else.

Indeed games like Donkey Kong and Pac Man can be considered the video game worlds equivalent to old silent films with their dated visuals and incredibly simplistic storylines. Just like silent films these games have great historical relevance. But more importantly they are still fun even if we prefer our games nowadays with a little more something extra.

So heres a little history about the game. The idea for this game was stemmed from an earlier game, Radar Scope, which was a huge flop for Nintendo, so they decided to use the unsold arcade machines and redesign them for a new game, which ended up being Donkey Kong. This was also the first Nintendo game to be designed and supervised by Shigeru Miyamoto (if you don't know who that is, you suck), and whats most remarkable about this game is that he had little to no experience as game designer when he was working on Donkey Kong.

But enough of that, on with the actual review.

This is one of the most innovative games of its time, it pretty much revolutionized the platformer genre. This is of course, the game that introduced the beloved italian plumber to the world, though in this game he is a carpenter. The story of this game sounds like something from an old Popeye cartoon. Mario (then known only as Jumpman) is of coruse the hero, who must save his gal Pauline (who must have been either a bitch or a slut because he quickly dumped her for Princess Peach in SMB) from Donkey Kong, a pissed off gorilla with a liking for construction sites, which is where the game takes place.

The game has only 4 levels, which are one screen stages (side scrolling didn't become popular until a few years later, especially with the release of Super Mario Bros) each with a challenging theme. In each level your goal is the same, which is to make it to Pauline and rescue her, only for Donkey Kong to kidnap her again, leaving Mario with literally a broken heart.

On the first level Mario must make his way up a crooked maze of girders and ladders where Donkey Kong (doing what he does best) rolls barrels that can be either avoided by jumping over them or using one of the hammers Mario can pick up, fireballs are also a nuisance on thist level as well as the ones that follow. The second level has Mario making his way through a series of conveyor belts. On level three he has to make his way through elevators while donkey kong throws spring weights on a linear path. On the final level its up to Mario to take out the damn dirty ape for good by removing the 8 rivets on the steel structure, which are guarded by massive fireballs.

Even when considering how dated this game is, I wouldn't change anything. Just like Pac Man it's brilliant in its simplicity, everything from the cute little mario graphic to the level design to the iconic sound effects. If theres one thing wrong with this game is that its too short even by arcade game standards. With the right amount of experience you could beat this game in less than 3 minutes. But for those who haven't played this game over a million times (a rare breed) this game is rather hard (jumps are easy to screw up, timing is a factor), making victory all the more sweet once you finally take that ape down and get your woman back.

Too bad theres no sex scene at the end though.

^ Yeah, this review is pretty damn horrible and uninformative (everything I have said is **** you already know) but I just needed to do a quick review to have as an example. I had intended to do a video game review thread months ago and figured now was a good time.

My other reviews will be better, because for one thing I will actually be fully awake.

**sleepy jack** · 09-09-2007, 03:33 PM

Review shadow (=

matious · 09-09-2007, 05:39 PM

metroid prime 3 corruption

kicksssss azzzz

CAPTAIN CAVEMAN · 09-09-2007, 06:12 PM

The Legend of Zelda (NES)

sick

Alexander the Grape · 09-09-2007, 11:12 PM

^I actually read this review (unlike booboo's essay that takes more time to read than it would take to just beat Donkey Kong) and its very accurate.

**boo boo** · 09-09-2007, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crowquill

Review shadow (=

Quote:

Originally Posted by The-Starving-Artless

The Legend of Zelda (NES)

Will do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alexander the Grape

^I actually read this review (unlike booboo's essay that takes more time to read than it would take to just beat Donkey Kong) and its very accurate.

Yeah. I should have picked a better game to start with, its hard to give a in depth review of a game thats so basic.

**cardboard adolescent** · 09-10-2007, 02:00 AM

Check it:

Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

This game pretty much rocks. It's cool, because it's like real life only you can save and have magicks. Also, you can talk to bums and not give them money and they won't get all pushy. You like walk around and do stuff and if you want save the world but it's not really necessary to enjoy the game, you can just run around and kill stuff if that floats your boat. It's great because it's like real life but with less actual movement and the graphics are better.

The Dave · 09-10-2007, 08:41 AM

^And you can get the village popos chasing after you if you shank the wrong peeps. It's basically a mix of grand theft auto and magic junk.

Gentleman Johnny · 09-10-2007, 02:35 PM

pokemans should be included!

red, blue, yellow, gold, silver, crystal, emerald, ruby, sapphire, diamond, pearl.

The Dave · 09-10-2007, 02:48 PM

^Each in-depth.

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09-09-2007, 01:42 AM
boo boo Dr. Prunk Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Where the buffalo roam. Posts: 6,700	Video game review thread Simple concept, submit reviews of games. Its like the album review section, but just one thread. And theres no rule that says you cant review a game that has already been reviewed. I'll start with an old arcade classic. Donkey Kong Developer: Nintendo Platform: Arcade Yeah: 1981 Rating: 8 In many ways Mario could be compared to Charlie Chaplin, these two mustached heroes aside from being pop culture icons perfectly defined their respective art forms before anyone else. Indeed games like Donkey Kong and Pac Man can be considered the video game worlds equivalent to old silent films with their dated visuals and incredibly simplistic storylines. Just like silent films these games have great historical relevance. But more importantly they are still fun even if we prefer our games nowadays with a little more something extra. So heres a little history about the game. The idea for this game was stemmed from an earlier game, Radar Scope, which was a huge flop for Nintendo, so they decided to use the unsold arcade machines and redesign them for a new game, which ended up being Donkey Kong. This was also the first Nintendo game to be designed and supervised by Shigeru Miyamoto (if you don't know who that is, you suck), and whats most remarkable about this game is that he had little to no experience as game designer when he was working on Donkey Kong. But enough of that, on with the actual review. This is one of the most innovative games of its time, it pretty much revolutionized the platformer genre. This is of course, the game that introduced the beloved italian plumber to the world, though in this game he is a carpenter. The story of this game sounds like something from an old Popeye cartoon. Mario (then known only as Jumpman) is of coruse the hero, who must save his gal Pauline (who must have been either a bitch or a slut because he quickly dumped her for Princess Peach in SMB) from Donkey Kong, a pissed off gorilla with a liking for construction sites, which is where the game takes place. The game has only 4 levels, which are one screen stages (side scrolling didn't become popular until a few years later, especially with the release of Super Mario Bros) each with a challenging theme. In each level your goal is the same, which is to make it to Pauline and rescue her, only for Donkey Kong to kidnap her again, leaving Mario with literally a broken heart. On the first level Mario must make his way up a crooked maze of girders and ladders where Donkey Kong (doing what he does best) rolls barrels that can be either avoided by jumping over them or using one of the hammers Mario can pick up, fireballs are also a nuisance on thist level as well as the ones that follow. The second level has Mario making his way through a series of conveyor belts. On level three he has to make his way through elevators while donkey kong throws spring weights on a linear path. On the final level its up to Mario to take out the damn dirty ape for good by removing the 8 rivets on the steel structure, which are guarded by massive fireballs. Even when considering how dated this game is, I wouldn't change anything. Just like Pac Man it's brilliant in its simplicity, everything from the cute little mario graphic to the level design to the iconic sound effects. If theres one thing wrong with this game is that its too short even by arcade game standards. With the right amount of experience you could beat this game in less than 3 minutes. But for those who haven't played this game over a million times (a rare breed) this game is rather hard (jumps are easy to screw up, timing is a factor), making victory all the more sweet once you finally take that ape down and get your woman back. Too bad theres no sex scene at the end though. ^ Yeah, this review is pretty damn horrible and uninformative (everything I have said is **** you already know) but I just needed to do a quick review to have as an example. I had intended to do a video game review thread months ago and figured now was a good time. My other reviews will be better, because for one thing I will actually be fully awake. __________________ http://www.progarchives.com/ Last edited by boo boo : 09-09-2007 at 02:16 AM.

09-09-2007, 03:33 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,242	Review shadow (= __________________ You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday.

09-09-2007, 05:39 PM
matious Music Addict Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,444	metroid prime 3 corruption kicksssss azzzz

09-09-2007, 11:12 PM
Alexander the Grape Un****withable Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Wyoming Posts: 172	^I actually read this review (unlike booboo's essay that takes more time to read than it would take to just beat Donkey Kong) and its very accurate. __________________ I'm back like JC lol.

09-10-2007, 02:00 AM
cardboard adolescent time isn't on my side Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Chicago Posts: 2,378	Check it: Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion This game pretty much rocks. It's cool, because it's like real life only you can save and have magicks. Also, you can talk to bums and not give them money and they won't get all pushy. You like walk around and do stuff and if you want save the world but it's not really necessary to enjoy the game, you can just run around and kill stuff if that floats your boat. It's great because it's like real life but with less actual movement and the graphics are better. __________________ Free Music! Free Art! The Ocean Will Have Us All

09-10-2007, 08:41 AM
The Dave Me and The Major Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Kentucky Posts: 1,887	^And you can get the village popos chasing after you if you shank the wrong peeps. It's basically a mix of grand theft auto and magic junk. __________________ My collection,winkwinkcoughcough

09-10-2007, 02:35 PM
Gentleman Johnny picadilly palare. Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Oakland Posts: 1,263	pokemans should be included! red, blue, yellow, gold, silver, crystal, emerald, ruby, sapphire, diamond, pearl. __________________ sous les pavés, la plage!

09-10-2007, 02:48 PM
The Dave Me and The Major Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Kentucky Posts: 1,887	^Each in-depth. __________________ My collection,winkwinkcoughcough