101 Reasons A Beer Is Better Than A Woman (house, pop)

wolverinewolfweiselpigeon · 08-03-2008, 02:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jackhammer

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

28: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
* 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'
* 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'

God these are great.

loose_lips_sink_ships · 08-05-2008, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ComingUpRoses

Beer won't smoke in your car.

I like girls with the 3 packs a day voice...

Brad Stengel · 08-05-2008, 04:03 PM

One reason a woman is better than beer:

1. I can't have sex with beer.

**jackhammer** · 08-05-2008, 04:09 PM

They both share the similarities of being wet and making you fly into uncontrollable rages though

**Piss Me Off** · 08-05-2008, 04:14 PM

I spend far too much money on both.

wolverinewolfweiselpigeon · 08-05-2008, 04:16 PM

I am better than beer.
In my opinion.

dreadnaught · 08-05-2008, 04:30 PM

At least I know I'm better than that pisswater Keystone Light.

ashtray · 08-05-2008, 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ComingUpRoses

At least I know I'm better than that pisswater Keystone Light.

Pilsner - Rabbit Piss
Kokanee - Sasquatch Piss
Labbat's - Polar Bear Piss
Moosehead....

**Urban Hatemonger** · 08-05-2008, 04:46 PM

Both are over-rated

lucifer_sam · 08-05-2008, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ComingUpRoses

At least I know I'm better than that pisswater Keystone Light.

And by that you mean "gloriously cheap." Seriously, that, Beast, and Nattie are staples of the standard college diet. In the immortal words of my good friend Scott:

"I can remember many-an-occasion when my love for alcohol trumped my love for women."

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08-05-2008, 04:03 PM
Brad Stengel Ban Brad Stengel now Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: South of Boston Posts: 543	One reason a woman is better than beer: 1. I can't have sex with beer.

08-05-2008, 04:09 PM
jackhammer As Deep As I Can Get Join Date: May 2007 Location: This Is England Posts: 8,044	They both share the similarities of being wet and making you fly into uncontrollable rages though __________________ My music collection.cough cough enjoy. Ha Ha charade you are. My dvd collection.

08-05-2008, 04:16 PM
wolverinewolfweiselpigeon Keeper of the Juice Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: North Bay Area Posts: 496	I am better than beer. In my opinion. __________________ "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."

08-05-2008, 04:30 PM
dreadnaught You can have it all Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,116	At least I know I'm better than that pisswater Keystone Light. __________________ I swear all I ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever believed in was all of us together all along