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Old 08-03-2008, 02:30 AM  
wolverinewolfweiselpigeon
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Originally Posted by jackhammer View Post
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

28: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
* 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'
* 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'

God these are great.
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Old 08-05-2008, 12:28 AM  
loose_lips_sink_ships
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Originally Posted by ComingUpRoses View Post
Beer won't smoke in your car.
I like girls with the 3 packs a day voice...
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We used to dream of having spam when we were dewed in.

We had to chew on cardboard
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Old 08-05-2008, 04:03 PM  
Brad Stengel
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One reason a woman is better than beer:

1. I can't have sex with beer.
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Old 08-05-2008, 04:09 PM  
jackhammer
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They both share the similarities of being wet and making you fly into uncontrollable rages though
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Old 08-05-2008, 04:14 PM  
Piss Me Off
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I spend far too much money on both.
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Now look here princess, I fought my way through horrifying mushroom monsters and giant turtles, I've been told "thank you Mario but the princess is in another castle" 7 damn times, I just killed a giant f*cking fire breathing turtle dragon, and all I get is a simple thank you? Bullsh*t. You owe me some poontang, or at least a blow job.
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Old 08-05-2008, 04:16 PM  
wolverinewolfweiselpigeon
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I am better than beer.
In my opinion.
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Old 08-05-2008, 04:30 PM  
dreadnaught
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At least I know I'm better than that pisswater Keystone Light.
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Old 08-05-2008, 04:35 PM  
ashtray
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ComingUpRoses View Post
At least I know I'm better than that pisswater Keystone Light.
Pilsner - Rabbit Piss
Kokanee - Sasquatch Piss
Labbat's - Polar Bear Piss
Moosehead....
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Old 08-05-2008, 04:46 PM  
Urban Hatemonger
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Both are over-rated
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Urban - Nick Cave and Patty Smith have an illegitimate son that gets adopted by the Village People
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Old 08-05-2008, 05:20 PM  
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At least I know I'm better than that pisswater Keystone Light.
And by that you mean "gloriously cheap." Seriously, that, Beast, and Nattie are staples of the standard college diet. In the immortal words of my good friend Scott:

"I can remember many-an-occasion when my love for alcohol trumped my love for women."
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Also we added Under God to the pledge of allegiance in the fifties. Rove v. Wade happened after that. Not a coincidence, learn to connect the dots.
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