Strange Lectures you were Given as a Child

cheezyridr · 05-11-2009, 12:43 AM

i always wondered if my mom saw the irony when she would get angry and call me a sonofabitch.

mostly there weren't alot of lectures for me growing up. just plenty of beatings.

TheBig3 · 05-11-2009, 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Piss Me Off

I loved it when my dad gave me the sex talk.

"Now you know about the birds and the bees, right?"
"What about them?"
"Well.. you know about... sex.. right?"
"Birds and Bees DO THAT together!?!?"
"....Just use condoms, yes?"

My sex talk was about as brief, went something like

old man: you goin' on?

me: yeah, theres a party at joe's.

om: there gunna be girls there?

me: yes...

om: alright well...don't get anyone pregnant, you know?

They never really had to speak to me much because I didn't drink back then and thats apparently the highest of moral virtues. Either way, akward.

~~TumorAttitude~~ · 05-11-2009, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheezyridr

i always wondered if my mom saw the irony when she would get angry and call me a sonofabitch.

mostly there weren't alot of lectures for me growing up. just plenty of beatings.

You're totally in the minority if you didn't get useful tidbits on the meaning of life while being beaten with your own Converse Allstar.

**Freebase Dali** · 05-11-2009, 04:35 PM

My sex lecture went as follows:

Dad: "You know what an erection is?"
Me: "yeah..."
Dad: "You're good to go."

/discussion.

Kevorkian Logic · 05-12-2009, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Piss Me Off

I loved it when my dad gave me the sex talk.

"Now you know about the birds and the bees, right?"
"What about them?"
"Well.. you know about... sex.. right?"
"Birds and Bees DO THAT together!?!?"
"....Just use condoms, yes?"

I now have strawberry shortcake all over my computer thanks to you.

oh, tumour. Your mom probably told you the theatre thing in response to you asking what a lesbian is because thesbians love the theatre. When I was like 7 my aunt called me a thesbian and I thought she was calling me a lesbian and I cried for like 3 hours.

khfreek · 05-12-2009, 08:32 PM

*thespians

**Janszoon** · 05-12-2009, 08:58 PM

My sex talk from my dad went a little like this:

"I know you like to read so I got you this book. It's about sex, drugs and rock n roll," my dad said as he handed me the What's Happening To My Body Book For Boys, which incidentally was not about drugs or rock n roll sadly.

**LoathsomePete** · 05-12-2009, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janszoon

My sex talk from my when a little like this:

"I know you like to read so I got you this book. It's about sex, drugs and rock n roll," my dad said as he handed me the What's Happening To My Body Book For Boys, which incidentally was not about drugs or rock n roll sadly.

Holy crap I got that same book, I think I was 12 at the time which I thought was weird cause I had already learned about sex and was regularly looking up porn by the time I was 8.

I remember the first time my dad actually talked to me about pregnancy though, well at least about me being sexually active. He knew I was going to a party and asked me if I brought protection and I said "yes I've got a condom" and I swear to God this is what he said, "No that kind, I mean do you have a coat hanger". He is a very demented man with an incredibly dark sense of humor, something I've inherited.

Antonio · 05-12-2009, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pobodys_Nerfect

Holy crap I got that same book, I think I was 12 at the time which I thought was weird cause I had already learned about sex and was regularly looking up porn by the time I was 8.

I remember the first time my dad actually talked to me about pregnancy though, well at least about me being sexually active. He knew I was going to a party and asked me if I brought protection and I said "yes I've got a condom" and I swear to God this is what he said, "No that kind, I mean do you have a coat hanger". He is a very demented man with an incredibly dark sense of humor, something I've inherited.

**LoathsomePete** · 05-12-2009, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Antonio

Yeah I was pretty floored, I mean god damn it's hilarious in a disgustingly dark way, but still.. i was like 16 at the time.

05-12-2009, 08:32 PM	#26 (permalink)
khfreek Sterilized Rapist Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Brentwood, TN Posts: 2,106	*thespians __________________ last.fm

05-12-2009, 08:58 PM	#27 (permalink)
Janszoon fake amateur enthusiast Join Date: May 2007 Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Posts: 17,058	My sex talk from my dad went a little like this: "I know you like to read so I got you this book. It's about sex, drugs and rock n roll," my dad said as he handed me the What's Happening To My Body Book For Boys, which incidentally was not about drugs or rock n roll sadly. __________________ . A Night in the Life of the Invisible Man Time & Place 25 Albums You Should Hear Before the Moon Crashes into the Earth and We All Die last.fm

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05-11-2009, 12:43 AM	#21 (permalink)
cheezyridr Music Addict Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: sunny canadia Posts: 131	i always wondered if my mom saw the irony when she would get angry and call me a sonofabitch. mostly there weren't alot of lectures for me growing up. just plenty of beatings.