How Do I Prepare Spam? [Official Thread]

[Aux-In]

A few weeks ago I posted a picture of spam in the spam thread. Thinking little of it outside of its relevancy to said thread, it was brought to my attention that, apparently, there are ways to prepare this delicacy. My taste in food is fairly simple, and by all accounts, spam should fit right in. The problem is that I can't remember the last time I have ever had it. But, I don't want to limit my palette, so here we are. In order to help me figure out how to properly prepare spam, I am making this thread so I can receive some pointers from spam aficionados.

The premise: The goal is to collect some sort of consensus on how best to cook (or not cook) this spam based on the following food/equipment availability.

Food(s) Available:

MEATS

• Spam (Original) [one can]
• Spam Lite [one can]
• Tuna (Chunk Light)
• Turkey bites
• Turkey breast (slices)

GRAINS & STARCHES

• Oatmeal
• Wheat pasta
• Popcorn seeds (unpopped poporn)
• Shells and Cheese prepared pasta (boxed, uncooked)

FRUITS, VEGETABLES, & CANNED GOODS

• Sweet peas
• Pork 'n beans
• Tomatoes
• Blueberries
• Strawberries
• Oranges
• Apples

CONDIMENTS

• Ranch Light dressing
• Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• Ketchup
• Sugar-free syrup
• Hershey's Syrup Lite
• Mustard
• Faux butter spray
• BBQ seasoning
• Baking soda

MISCELLANEOUS/OTHER

• Dry roasted peanuts
• Soy protein powder
• Whey protein powder
• Ice cream
• Waffles (frozen)
• One piece of leftover pepperoni pizza

BEVERAGES

• Tap water
• A few bottles of Bud Light
• Orange juice
• Milk
• Bottle of Chardonnay
• Bottle of Skyy vodka
• Strawberry lemonade starter (mixed flavoring)

EQUIPMENT AVAILABLE

• Microwave
• Frying pan
• Toaster
• Weight scale
• Stove

If such a consensus cannot be reached, I will eat the spam right out of that can. Whichever way this goes, I will update the thread with my final results.

[Frownland]

Get a blender and blend the Chardonnay, vodka, and spam together and drink. At least that disgusting recipe will get you drunk.

[Aux-In]

Originally Posted by Frownland

Get a blender and blend the Chardonnay, vodka, and spam together and drink. At least that disgusting recipe will get you drunk.

Not on the equipment list. I'd have to get a bowl and mix it by hand. Could be an option.

[Frownland]

I actually thought up a better recipe.

Step one: pour three shots of vodka into a glass.
Step two: add orange juice to taste.
Step three: open both cans of spam and place them in the garbage.
Step four: drink

Alright I'm all done, I'm sure Chula will come along and show you how to make it edible .

[Aux-In]

Originally Posted by Frownland

Alright I'm all done, I'm sure Chula will come along and show you how to make it edible .

He did seem fairly knowledgeable about the subject.

[Chula Vista]

Ok, I'm here to save the day. Cut the spam into 1/4" thick wedges. Spray down a non stick fry pan with a little Pam (cousin of Spam).

Fry the Spam wedges on medium heat until nicely browned.

Toast a couple of slices of bread. Put fried Spam on bread. Douse with yellow mustard.

That's it. Guess a glass of super cold chocolate milk would be a good chaser.

Clean all your dishes then get wasted on vodka.

Voila!

[Pet_Sounds]

Have you got anything without spam in it?

[Aux-In]

Originally Posted by Chula Vista

Ok, I'm here to save the day. Cut the spam into 1/4" thick wedges. Spray down a non stick fry pan with a little Pam (cousin of Spam).

Fry the Spam wedges on medium heat until nicely browned.

Toast a couple of slices of bread. Put fried Spam on bread. Douse with yellow mustard.

That's it. Guess a glass of super cold chocolate milk would be a good chaser.

Luckily I do have bread. I forgot to put that on the list. I will be able to mix the Hershey's syrup into some milk, so that part's good to go. The only thing is that I don't have a tape measure and I'll have to settle for I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! instead of Pam.

Clean all your dishes then get wasted on vodka.

Voila!

The reality is that the dishes will probably sit in the sink and/or dishwasher for at least a week.

[Aux-In]

Originally Posted by Pet_Sounds

Have you got anything without spam in it?

I am unsure of your question. My leftover piece of pepperoni pizza clearly doesn't contain any spam, or so I was told.

[RoxyRollah]

Take the spam, check your bank account, throw away spam and go buy real food.