Fetishes, sexual repression, polyamory vs monogamy etc. discussion

**Frownland** · 02-08-2017, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

Edit: actually it would be fair to say paedophilia is not a fetish because it doesn't involve consent. BDSM is a fetish but without consent it's abuse/violence.

hmm methinks that consent, while obviously very important, is not relevant to whether or not something is a fetish.

DwnWthVwls · 02-08-2017, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

If you take someone who, for instance, is into dressing as a woman, or a man, or a goddamn furry even, or someone who is into bukkake or spanking or foot play or whatever the hell - there's a huge spectrum out there (fire play? Blood play? Knife play?) and compare them to a kiddy fiddler, well it's just ignorant, wrong and totally uninformed.

The only fetish you mentioned is blood play and even that is questionable. They are kinks. Fetishes focus on specific object: feet, breasts, inanimate objects..

In my experience people who use fire, blood, and knives are not turned on by those objects. Arsonists can have fire fetishes, not your average kinky person. That is just another facet of sub/dom relationships. I'm not even sure I'd consider pedophilia a fetish, it seems more like a taboo sexual preference.

GuD · 02-08-2017, 12:33 PM

I'm from sf. I saw all this **** when I was a child, idgaf about any of it. But you know. Have consenting fun.

DwnWthVwls · 02-08-2017, 12:55 PM

Let's do this:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiomara

-Fetishes (are they necessarily indicative of something being deeply wrong psychologically, would you say, or are they harmless? And have you ever dated anyone that unexpectedly revealed something like that? Note, I'm talking about actual fetishes, not kinks. Everyone has kinks.)

I'm not a neuroscientist so I can't comment on the psychological side of things, but I will say people can live normal lives with fetishes and are generally harmless. I've never been with anyone who had a fetish, just kinks.

-Polyamory and open relationships vs. monogamy (and marriage I guess too)

I'm totally accepting of open relationships. I think they are generally unhealthy because human nature, but for some people it works. Most often the problem is(like most relationships) a lack of communication.

-Sex doll hoarders (I'm always surprised that there hasn't been any films made yet about sex dolls who gain sentience and terrifying magical powers)

I have no experience with this, but I really don't care what you do with any inanimate object.

-Camgirls and sex workers in general (and society's treatment of them)

Society is the reason they have a job. I have no problems with what they do. In fact, I wish they had more support/backing to reduce the spread of disease (porn as well).

-Overall sexual repression in Western society (maybe repression isn't quite the right word.. ofc people talk about sex plenty and explore plenty in private with their significant others. But it seems like sex is either over-glorified and romanticized or just ignored entirely in regards to its effect on our well-being.)

Ridiculous. America's views on sexuality are illogical. We are taught from a young age to be embarrassed by the human body and sheltered from sex education, and then thrown into an adult society dominated by "sex sells" business campaigns. It has a lot to do with the backwards religious foundation of America, and I hope it changes eventually. It's amazing how we can be so incredibly prude and sexually charged simultaneously.

-Asexuality and the apparently poor understanding of it amongst the general public

Don't know much about it. Don't care what you're into if it's not harming others.

-Porn (do you think it--boring vanilla porn, even-- leads to desensitization, and is that a bad thing for people still developing/learning sexually?)

Porn is actually a serious problem. I don't think porn in and of itself is bad, but with the ease of accessibility in modern times, it is definitely leading to problems like early ED, desensitization, and unhealthy sexual development.

-Unfair (?) expectations among the opposite sex in terms of physical appearance or sexual performance

Another problem partially to blame on porn. Also has a lot to do with America's artificial standards of beauty. Ultimately, I don't think it's that big of a deal because while our expectations may be high they don't prevent us from "settling" and finding happy/healthy relationships.

-Vast age differences in relationships (does the potential power imbalance make them unhealthy?), age of consent and also "sugar babies"
...Plus whatever else that may be vaguely related to the above.

I think after 25ish (young professional age), 10 or so years is perfectly reasonable. Before that it's probably best to date people within a couple years of you for practical reasons: common interests, life experience, current goals, relationship expectations.

Sugar daddy/momma thing. Eh, not for me, but it's their choice. I just hope it's genuine and not gold digging bs.

Trollheart · 02-08-2017, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frownland

I guess I'll ask you more directly: why is paedophilia not a fetish?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frownland

hmm methinks that consent, while obviously very important, is not relevant to whether or not something is a fetish.

My a nswer to both questions is that I very much think consent is an important factor in whether or not something is a fetish. If you like cutting people up with a chainsaw, is that a fetish? Hardly, as there is no consent. If you like punching or slapping people who don't want to/agree to be punched or slapped, is that a fetish? No, because again lack of consent. If you like punching or slapping people who WANT to or AGREE to be punched or slapped, is that a fetish? Yes, because there is consent.

A child cannot (legally or otherwise) give consent to sex. Depending on what we're talking about here, you can have a baby up to a fifteen or seventeen-year old (given different state laws I assume), and whereas a "child" of fourteen or fifteen might be well-informed enough and sexually mature and aware enough to agree to have sex, they are not legally allowed to, therefore there is no consent, as seen in the eyes of the law. Therefore having sex with an underage person is rape, or as you guys put it, statutory rape, and so no fetish by any stretch. For much younger children the question does not even arise, as they have no idea what's going on when a man says he "wants to give them a treat" or "show them something". Urgh.

So consent is most definitely important, and I believe separates a fetish from an illegal act.

Also, I should add that your contention that I dislike paedophilia and don't consider it a fetish because it's "yucky" (your word) is frankly ridiculous and also wrong. I have I believe outlined my reasons above, and they hinge on the concept and importance of consent. Plenty of things are "yucky" - bukkake, corprophagia, bestiality etc - but that doesn't mean I don't consider them fetishes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DwnWthVwls

The only fetish you mentioned is blood play and even that is questionable. They are kinks. Fetishes focus on specific object: feet, breasts, inanimate objects..

In my experience people who use fire, blood, and knives are not turned on by those objects. Arsonists can have fire fetishes, not your average kinky person. That is just another facet of sub/dom relationships. I'm not even sure I'd consider pedophilia a fetish, it seems more like a taboo sexual preference.

I have no idea where this came from. BDSM and so forth are fetishes, but I don't know what the difference is between that and a kink or kinks I must admit. I've always assumed the one to be the same as the other. I think that's more a case of semantics. I'm not enough in the know to be sure, but I've always found them to be more or less interchangeable. Also, I'm not so sure the OP was making a distinction between the two, but I'd have to re-read the post.

Edit: okay I re-read it: you're right. She is making a specific case for fetishes as opposed to kinks. My bad.

Chiomara · 02-08-2017, 01:24 PM

.

The Batlord · 02-08-2017, 01:29 PM

TH, you are wrong.

Quote:

Fetish: an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fetish

DwnWthVwls · 02-08-2017, 01:30 PM

It's like you didn't even read my explanation.. I just gave you a clear cut distinction of why kinks and fetishes are different. It's not semantics.

Fetish = sexual desire derived from an object
Kink = non-vanilla sexual practice or fantasy

Do people who enjoy bondage get aroused by ropes? Most likely not. Kinks don't even have to involve sex. People go to play parties all the time and do not participate in sex. You are just making uninformed opinions.

Trollheart · 02-08-2017, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Batlord

TH, you are wrong.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fetish

You just love those words, don't you?

The Batlord · 02-08-2017, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

You just love those words, don't you?

Only when they're true. So, always.

02-08-2017, 12:33 PM	#23 (permalink)
GuD Dude... What? Join Date: Oct 2013 Posts: 1,322	I'm from sf. I saw all this **** when I was a child, idgaf about any of it. But you know. Have consenting fun. __________________ I spit bullets in my feet Every time I speak So I write instead And still people want me dead ~msc Last edited by GuD; 02-08-2017 at 01:16 PM.

02-08-2017, 01:24 PM	#26 (permalink)
Chiomara mayor of spookytown Join Date: Jan 2017 Posts: 812	. Last edited by Chiomara; 11-21-2017 at 09:26 AM.