The Batlord

Yeah, like it says on the tin (British slang > American slang), I just got an actual pair of headphones for the first time in years a few days ago. They only cost $30, which makes them better than those POS earbuds you get with an iPod, but still nothing special. Since they're headphones, they immerse your ears with sound in a way that speakers don't, but since mine are still kind of cheap not every sound is equal. So, I've been listening to stuff that I didn't used to and avoiding bands that I wouldn't have before, just because they don't quite sound as good on these babies.

Biggest thing is that music with heavier/fuzzier/more distorted/more full productions is ruling my ears ATM. I used to hate modern grindcore, and only had time for a few older bands, but now all of a sudden I'm hearing bands like Nasum, Gridlink, and Phobia in an entirely new way -- and older bands that I dug, like early Napalm Death and Repulsion, just don't quite have the punch I'm looking for anymore. Much of the last two or three days have pretty much been spent listening to and discovering grindcore almost every hour I haven't been asleep.


Nasum sound kind of like the poster boys for modern grind: lightning fast everything, highly distorted, and almost mechanical precision. They're the band I turned to first, and their sheer intensity pretty much ruined me for anything "lighter". I can't say I have favorite songs, as they all sound the same and I'm not used to this kind of music enough to really be able to notice anything but a blur of noise. I just love them as a thirty minute hail of ear rape.





Gridlink are likewise fantastic. They actually have a relatively clean production for grind. They rely on the sheer unmatched intensity of their playing and the insane complexity of their music to hit you with the surgical precision of a scalpel. They only have three albums, and as they go on you can actually hear them develop and oddball musicality that is at odds with and yet somehow complements the aural assault. It's like melody without the melody.





Phobia are pretty fantastic too. They're kind of meatheads though. They have songs like "Death to False Punks" and "Loud, Proud, and Punk as Fuck" that just make me think of the Exploited. SMH. But they're like the perfect deathgrind band, and just kick so much ass.





And as far as insane production goes, I tip my Bat-hat to Rotten Sound. It's just so dense and abrasive. Like that buzzsaw, Swedish death metal production on steroids. **** me they sound good.





Major props to Fuck the Facts too. They're grind with an obtuse, experimental mathcore edge to them that really separates them from the kind of 1:30 generic grind you expect even from the best bands.





On the other side you've got Magrudergrind, who are scuzzy and punk as ****. Kind of like a less death metal Terrorizer with that raw groove they got going on -- but played at double-speed.





When I'm all grinded (ground?) out, I got time for my new fav hardcore band, Cursed. They've got a heavy sludge metal influence that just makes them sound massive, while still having that punk energy. They go anywhere from sludged-out hardcore, to crust punk that's almost grind, and even bring it down to Eyehategod levels of sludge doom slowness at times.





Then of course there's also going back to ol' and relatively new favs, like Converge, Arkangel, Electric Wizard, and Today Is the Day.






I've probably listened to more music and more new bands than I have in months, all because of just a slight change in how I'm listening to it/them. I love how even the smallest change in musical perspective can make everything seem fresh. Makes listening to music a tad fun every now and again.

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The Batlord

Low class deathgrind for those looking for grind but don't REALLY like grindcore. Heavy death metal influence with some catchy as ****, groovey riffs that just destroy.

Elapsed time: 51 seconds




More trashy deathgrind, but these dudes are punk as ****. They don't give a **** about making grind accessible to the idiot masses. These dudes ****ing slay. "Death to False Punks" like a mother****er.

Elapsed time: 50 seconds




Badass as ****ing grindcore/powerviolence. Raw as a mother****er, but they drop down and play some heavy, sludgy hardcore that just beats you into the ****ing ground. 17 minute album, dudes. **** yeah.

Elapsed time: 53 seconds




Catchiest deathgrind ever. Awesome tongue-in-cheek gore lyrics, hilarious rhyming/alliterative song names, badass everything, ****, I think I only had two things to say. Gorerotted rule!

Elapsed time: 57 seconds




Dude, do these guys even write songs? Or do they just start punching their instruments and hit "record"? So much energy and badassery. Repulsion are the ****ing **** even if/because they sound like ****.

Elapsed time: 42 seconds




Dude, this **** is beautiful. It's intense and ****ed up as any grindcore out there, but those guitar lines are ****ing soundscapes. How is it possible to make grindcore sound pretty? Gridlink, that's how. Gods.

Elapsed time: 43 seconds




First half kind of awesome. Second half less so. Overrated.

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All deathgrind is just playing catchup to this brilliance. Fun, catchy, and brutal as ****. Love these dudes. Easily the best old school grind band. Bar ****ing none.

Elapsed time: 38 seconds




Also kind of overrated, but still badass. Possibly too complex for their own good considering they're playing ugly ass deathgrind, and it kind of gets in the way of the brutality, but they would clearly turn that into something more in a few years. Heartwork was the best though.

Elapsed time: 59 seconds




WTF Japan? Why can't you ever be normal? Music is insanity. Not even sure it's grind sometimes. Sometimes it's definitely not. Vocalist sounds like a ranting crazy person. I'm not sure if I love these dudes or I'm just constipated.

Elapsed time: 50 seconds



Total elapsed time: 7 minutes, 38 seconds (Grind as ****, dudes!)

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The Batlord

Last time, I cleaned up the grammar and typos after each review, but I'm just going to let the ugliness stay this time. It looked pretty ****ing awful.





Used to be Gorerotted. Now not. Sound more death metal now, but still have an awesome grind edge. Kind of like Napalm Death. British as well. Makes sense. The Rotted know how to metal.

Elapsed time: 40 seconds




What exactly is so great aabout these dudes? I mean, they're cool, kinda, but why are they one of the most famous grind bands around? They're just kinda okay and not much else.

Elapsed time: 34 seconds




Holy ****! THese dudes sound like they hate EVERYTHING! This is some pummiling ****ing ****k, dudes. Exhausting both my ears and my... like... soul or some ****. God damn. Awesome.

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Shorter songs. More pure grind, but PG still manage to throw in about a million tasty, metalcore breakdowns. I fee like PG awre supposed to do those more complext songs though. This is sweet, but not as good as earlier stuff. Leave the **** grind to thit grind band.s

Elapsed time: 58 seconds




It just seems wrong to call this band just deathgrind. They're too classy (sorta) to be compared to Phobia. ****ing awesome and totally abrasive. That guitar tone is just hell. Rotten Sound is just the ****!

Elapsed time: 55 seconds




Pure old school grind in a time capsule. Would suck if the band didn't do old school grind better than 99% of the old school bands. They're pretty much perfecty t impersonating Terrorizer. Awesome ****.

Elapsed time: 49 seconds




Fast as ****. Heavy as ****. Badass as ****. These dudes sound like what modern grind for the sake fo grind should sound like, without sounding like no-class morons. Nasum are top shelf ****. And that production is just lethal.

Elapsed time: 48 seconds




Dude, Dan Lilker is awesome. Anthrad, SOD, Nuclear Assault, and now Brutal Truth? The Man is a god. Awesome deathgrind. Bitchin'. riffs. Just all around good ****.

Elapsed time: 44 seconds




Goregrind sucks. It iws known. Thee guys suck considerably sless than most. Not brilliant or anything, but I wouldn't be embarassed to tell my freinds I listened to this album. That prouduction is awesome though.

Elapsed time: 48 seconds




Raw, filthy, primitive grindcore/powerviolence. God I love this kind of ugly ****. Complexity is for pussies. Just give me pure sonic violence with no redeeming values.


Elapsed time: 45 seconds


Total elapsed time: 7 minutes, 51 seconds

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The Batlord

Yeah, I'm doing this to myself...




Son of a bitch. I can't remember the last time I listened to Wiz Khalifa, but I don't... god damn it, it was that "Black and Yellow" song, wasn't it... yup. That was him. ****. Let's do this...




**** whoever is playing that douchebag piano and singing like a pussy.

I want to punch Wiz Khalifa in the face for being so useless. Everything about his flow is pointless and uninteresting. This is obviously one of those songs that relies on it's chorus (i.e. the douchebag cracker behind the piano), because clearly no one gives a **** about what Wiz is doing.

****. This is a four minute long pop song. That shouldn't happen. God I want to drown that ******* behind the piano. **** him **** him **** him **** him. On the bright side, I don't think I've heard Wiz "rap" for at least a full minute, possibly two.

Thank god that's done. **** that song.




On the bright side, all this pop I've been listening to is what made me want to do this, and Taylor Swift's Red album is the straw that broke that camel's back, so I'm almost wetting myself at the chance to hear a song off her newest album. But on the other, Kendrick Lamar? WTF?




WTF is this intro that's been tacked onto the video? I just listened to the first half second of the regular song and this isn't on it. Too bad. It's actually kind of cool.

So like, they're starting off with Kendrick? I mean, they gave us a... passable chorus by Taylor, but then it was just Kendrick for no apparent reason. Dear god, her lyrics on this song might be even worse than on "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together". At least that song was charmingly stupid. This is just lame. I was looking forward to this, but she's boring as **** and I don't really give a **** about Kendrick Lamar.

"Bandaids don't fix bullet holes"

That's ****ing deep, Taylor. God damn, I was assuming this would deliver. At least I could hate the Wiz track, but I just couldn't give less of a **** either way about this.

3. Fetty Wap - "Trap Queen"

"Fetty Wap"? Did he lose a bet or something? I wouldn't go outside if people referred to me as Fetty Wap. I mean, I don't go outside anyway, but that's just a personal preference, not crippling shame.




So basically, this is what gangsta rap would sound like if it was made by the softest mother****er ever born? Is this even rap? All he's doing is singing with a bit of a rhythm.

Oh there he goes. Almost two minutes in and he finally starts a verse. Well that was a good (i.e. mediocre) twenty seconds, and now we're back to the annoying sing/rapping.

I called this gangsta rap, but this is anything but. The video just looks exactly like a gangsta rap video: rapper wearing a bandana, lots of money on tables, the rapper's friends at a ****ty house in what is supposed to look like the ghetto, but just kind of looks like a suburban backyard filled with black people (which is close enough for most peckerwoods).

Yeah, I'm good with not hearing that again. Is there going to be a pop song that's actually catchy at some point? ****ing Fetty Wap. I hope he chokes on my wetty fap.

4. Omi - "Cheerleader"

Just looking at his picture, and he looks softer than baby shit. I have no idea what this dude's about to do.




Piano and a trumpet. Wasn't expecting that. Okay, dude. What's up?

Oh god damn it. Some Caribbean sounding mother****er singing boring modern R&B. Even the production is dull. What the **** is wrong with people? Pop music is supposed to be so catchy that it permanently invades a spot in your brain that you can never hope to extract it from. And yet, we get **** like this that is so dull it couldn't cut butter.

**** Omi. I feel like this is what "Who Let the Dogs Out" would sound like if the Baha Men decided that fun wouldn't sell. I don't even care if that's racist, cause **** the Caribbean for giving us this crap.

5. Walk the Moon - "Shut Up and Dance"

Walk the Moon, huh? I sense hipsters who have now been discarded by their brethren for making music that other people have actually heard.




So, is this, like, what a boy band would sound like making eighties synth pop? At least it's catchy. In fact, this is by far the catchiest thing I've heard yet. This segment may have just been worthwhile after all.

*The Batlord white boy dances*

Look away, dudes. It ain't pretty. Seriously though, fun dance beat and a chorus that'll actually stick in your head for longer than five minutes? We have a winner. One of those songs that's just one big chorus, not because the rest of the song is just kind of there to justify a chorus, but because the chorus is just too awesome to be contained.


Well, till next time, MB queers. Maybe. One out of five isn't exactly a motivating ratio to make me want to do this again.

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The Batlord

OMG WTF?! Is it just me, or is that the worst/best thing you've ever seen? I wonder which dead cow Billy's piano is hiding behind. If you don't know the history of Billy's first band, then neither do I, but just know that he had one and it was a heavy metal band and this is going to be hilarious...




Hey, it's a Sir Lord Baltimore album! Except it's not. Flac really makes it sound good though, so whatevs. This is actually far more badass than any Billy Joel album I was expecting. This is badass for 1970, period. But it seriously sounds like Sir Lord Baltimore. Who came out the same year. I don't know what to think about that.

Joel is also a more engaging frontman than your average metal singer, with a flamboyant, more than slightly OTT performance. As a result he dominates the music a bit too much, and is slightly higher in the mix than perhaps he should be, so it makes sense that he would go the solo, singer-songwriter route. Regardless, he's putting in a performance that doesn't sound like he's copying this, that, or the other singer (except for the guy from Sir Lord Baltimore, but he's doing what that guy did up to 11).

Alright, about halfway through, and the musical meandering is getting to be a bit self-indulgent. I've just been waiting out "Amplifier Fire (Part I: Godzilla/Part II: March of the Huns)" for the last two minutes. It just keeps going on. And on.

Maybe that song just exhausted me, but I'm caring a lot less about this than I was the first couple songs. The album is more straightforward again, but it doesn't seem to have it all together as far as writing songs goes. It seems to want to be progressive but kick ass at the same time, but the meanderings just take the punch away from the metal, and I don't give a **** about prog.

God damn, all these songs are at least five minutes long. ****ing Billy Joel, dude. I was with you for a little while, but now I'm just waiting this out. There's just nothing to hold onto. I want to dig it, cause there's some badass riffs here and there, and some heavy drum hits, but it's just all over he place.

One last song, and of course it's almost six minutes long. This album needed some serious editing. God damn it, more long-winded wank, just like the song that closed the A-side.

Lol. Straight-up blast beat @2:00.

Oh my god, **** you, Billy Joel! I'm wasting flac memory space on this god damn thing, and all you're going to do is jerk off? Thank god there's only a minute left.

Bam! ****ing done! Billy Joel can suck my fat cock. Now get your ass writing that Manowar review, you Canadian, Beach Boy-loving ****!

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Goofle

Listen to some Nadia Oh please. Also Uffie.

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