This poem (show, quote, suicide)

this_guy · 12-29-2005, 01:59 PM

What do you think of this poems:

Blade

My back is against the wall
All I see is a blade in front of me
As it draws nearer a bit of my life fades away
But who is doing this
Why would they do this?
Where have I wronged this person?

It must be her
She who gave me insult
I could tell the hatred she had with every word
Had to say it was mutual
But I could tell
It wasn’t her

It must be him
He who attacked me
His hatred was shown by his actions
Actions of pain and fury
But I could tell
It wasn’t him

It must be them
They who did both
Outnumbering me and tormenting me
The cowardly acts they did
But I could tell
It wasn’t them

Who? Who can it be?
But I could see the hand
It was he who never wronged me or gave insult
He who used no hatred
I could tell
It was me.

Crazy Luv · 12-29-2005, 02:59 PM

this poem is very...interesting. i could tell it was going to be himself right from when he starting questioning who it was.

this_guy · 12-29-2005, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Luv

this poem is very...interesting. i could tell it was going to be himself right from when he starting questioning who it was.

This comment is interesting I don't know if it's a complement or an insult

Crazy Luv · 12-29-2005, 03:09 PM

its not an insult, i could see now how you got to thinking that though, my bad

this_guy · 12-29-2005, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Luv

its not an insult, i could see now how you got to thinking that though, my bad

no worries buddy. The funny thing about my poems though is everyone who reads them thinks I want to kill myself this one included

Crazy Luv · 12-29-2005, 03:16 PM

to me this poem says that you're having some issues with yourself & you're just figuring it out....its all becoming clear now...or something like that...

this_guy · 12-29-2005, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Luv

to me this poem says that you're having some issues with yourself & you're just figuring it out....its all becoming clear now...or something like that...

What this poem is trying to show is what the usual teen who commits suicide is going through. Words and actions you do to people can be like murder.

**sleepy jack** · 12-29-2005, 03:20 PM

I think its way cliche.
Suicide is overdone and the songs can barely ever be done right.
This one isn't done right if your going to write about suicide.
You have to approach it at a unique angle, not the typical knife on skin father abused me girlfriend dumped me crap.

Crazy Luv · 12-29-2005, 03:24 PM

its your poem, but to me...i disagree, what you're trying to give out is not obvious or showing through in the poem. The beinging was good, then it became random, then it was cut short in the ending. The point you're trying to make is hidden.

i agree with Alexisonfire

this_guy · 12-29-2005, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alexisonfire

I think its way cliche.
Suicide is overdone and the songs can barely ever be done right.
This one isn't done right if your going to write about suicide.
You have to approach it at a unique angle, not the typical knife on skin father abused me girlfriend dumped me crap.

Suicide is overdone in songs. This isn't a song though. But on your point of viewing it on a different angle why? These are very valid reasons for suicide this shows bullying causing it. I have felt this before so makes it easy for me to make. What other reasons would I put for it live a happy life and have good friends Iwant to die. That would make it seem unreal.

thanks for the comment though

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12-29-2005, 01:59 PM
this_guy Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: cumbernauld Posts: 96	This poem What do you think of this poems: Blade My back is against the wall All I see is a blade in front of me As it draws nearer a bit of my life fades away But who is doing this Why would they do this? Where have I wronged this person? It must be her She who gave me insult I could tell the hatred she had with every word Had to say it was mutual But I could tell It wasn’t her It must be him He who attacked me His hatred was shown by his actions Actions of pain and fury But I could tell It wasn’t him It must be them They who did both Outnumbering me and tormenting me The cowardly acts they did But I could tell It wasn’t them Who? Who can it be? But I could see the hand It was he who never wronged me or gave insult He who used no hatred I could tell It was me.

12-29-2005, 02:59 PM
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 376	this poem is very...interesting. i could tell it was going to be himself right from when he starting questioning who it was. __________________ Gotta Problem Wit Me...SOLVE IT..Think Im Trippin...TIE MA SHOE..Cant Face Me..THEN TURN DA FUCK AROUND Though our hands are chained like they are They haven't taken music from us yet So that's how we'll fight We'll never apologize for saying what we feel Thats like apologizing just for being real

12-29-2005, 03:09 PM
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 376	its not an insult, i could see now how you got to thinking that though, my bad __________________ Gotta Problem Wit Me...SOLVE IT..Think Im Trippin...TIE MA SHOE..Cant Face Me..THEN TURN DA FUCK AROUND Though our hands are chained like they are They haven't taken music from us yet So that's how we'll fight We'll never apologize for saying what we feel Thats like apologizing just for being real

12-29-2005, 03:16 PM
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 376	to me this poem says that you're having some issues with yourself & you're just figuring it out....its all becoming clear now...or something like that... __________________ Gotta Problem Wit Me...SOLVE IT..Think Im Trippin...TIE MA SHOE..Cant Face Me..THEN TURN DA FUCK AROUND Though our hands are chained like they are They haven't taken music from us yet So that's how we'll fight We'll never apologize for saying what we feel Thats like apologizing just for being real

12-29-2005, 03:20 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,572	I think its way cliche. Suicide is overdone and the songs can barely ever be done right. This one isn't done right if your going to write about suicide. You have to approach it at a unique angle, not the typical knife on skin father abused me girlfriend dumped me crap. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

12-29-2005, 03:24 PM
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 376	its your poem, but to me...i disagree, what you're trying to give out is not obvious or showing through in the poem. The beinging was good, then it became random, then it was cut short in the ending. The point you're trying to make is hidden. i agree with Alexisonfire __________________ Gotta Problem Wit Me...SOLVE IT..Think Im Trippin...TIE MA SHOE..Cant Face Me..THEN TURN DA FUCK AROUND Though our hands are chained like they are They haven't taken music from us yet So that's how we'll fight We'll never apologize for saying what we feel Thats like apologizing just for being real