Fall Forever

**sleepy jack** · 12-30-2005, 06:29 PM

Ive lost myself sounds better for what im writing about though..

Fenixpunk · 12-30-2005, 06:39 PM

then run with it, its good so far.

**sleepy jack** · 12-30-2005, 06:43 PM

Walking on the lakeshore with you my best friend
It seems the fog and sky are one for i cant see the lake
If we walked off the docks? Would we fall forever?
A plunge so cold i can see my eyes freezing over
As I recall the day when i look into your eyes
Ive lost myself and im drowning in sorrow tonight
The winter is ever so cold

Is it so far

We run along the green grass together
Free of all early troubles
Nothing else matters for where with eachother
So keep in the spring in your step
For its spring time in olympia

Our last summer together
We lived it to the fullest
Nothing could stop us
It was me and you against the world
Who dare'd defy us?
Its our world and its our summer

Walking along in the autumn streets
I see you smile lighting up this dreary day
Look at the leaves change colors
Just like your insides that went away
I wish cancer would fall away with fall..

The rhyming is way off, but im gonna fix that later.
Its mainly the main verses i need help with organizing and such.

Fenixpunk · 12-30-2005, 06:47 PM

i like how you used the seasons, and adding Olympia makes it personal

A_Perfect_Sonnet · 12-30-2005, 07:24 PM

Keep it to three lines nerdlinger.

**sleepy jack** · 12-30-2005, 07:48 PM

I'm reciting it for an audience and it has to relate to something.
I'd rather not have 3 lines that have nothing to do with it.

Fenixpunk · 12-30-2005, 09:59 PM

no no no, keep the verses at 3 lines, thats what i mentioned before...damn ive been drinkin a-LONG time now

riseagainstrocks · 12-30-2005, 10:12 PM

and your typing skillz are still superior to mine. sigh. its the practice ain't it. MORE DRUNK TYPING!

nice song Misfits. capitalize "Olympia" and it's flawless.

**sleepy jack** · 12-30-2005, 10:59 PM

Walking on the lakeshore with you my best friend
It seems the fog and sky are one for i cant see the lake
If we walked off the docks? Would we fall forever?

A plunge so cold i can see my eyes freezing over
Ive lost myself and im drowning in sorrow tonight
How freezing is the winter?

We run along the green grass together
So keep in the joy in your step
For its spring time in Olympia

It was me and you against the world
Not even death would defy us
This is our life and our summer

I see you smile lighting up this autumn day
Look at the leaves change colors
Just like your insides that went away
I wish cancer would fall away with fall..

So thats the finished one.

IamAlejo · 12-30-2005, 11:05 PM

Quote:

So keep in the joy in your step

That line sounds funny.

It's kinda cliche-ish, but it's good for what it is. If that makes sense at all.

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12-30-2005, 06:29 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,561	Ive lost myself sounds better for what im writing about though.. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

12-30-2005, 06:39 PM
Fenixpunk The Erroneous Hoodlum Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: West Side Phoenix Posts: 2,128	then run with it, its good so far. __________________ This message has been approved by Shawn Erroneous - Hoodlum Hardcore

12-30-2005, 06:43 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,561	Walking on the lakeshore with you my best friend It seems the fog and sky are one for i cant see the lake If we walked off the docks? Would we fall forever? A plunge so cold i can see my eyes freezing over As I recall the day when i look into your eyes Ive lost myself and im drowning in sorrow tonight The winter is ever so cold Is it so far We run along the green grass together Free of all early troubles Nothing else matters for where with eachother So keep in the spring in your step For its spring time in olympia Our last summer together We lived it to the fullest Nothing could stop us It was me and you against the world Who dare'd defy us? Its our world and its our summer Walking along in the autumn streets I see you smile lighting up this dreary day Look at the leaves change colors Just like your insides that went away I wish cancer would fall away with fall.. The rhyming is way off, but im gonna fix that later. Its mainly the main verses i need help with organizing and such. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

12-30-2005, 06:47 PM
Fenixpunk The Erroneous Hoodlum Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: West Side Phoenix Posts: 2,128	i like how you used the seasons, and adding Olympia makes it personal __________________ This message has been approved by Shawn Erroneous - Hoodlum Hardcore

12-30-2005, 07:24 PM
A_Perfect_Sonnet Dinosaurus Rex!!! Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Winchester, VA Posts: 892	Keep it to three lines nerdlinger.

12-30-2005, 07:48 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,561	I'm reciting it for an audience and it has to relate to something. I'd rather not have 3 lines that have nothing to do with it. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

12-30-2005, 09:59 PM
Fenixpunk The Erroneous Hoodlum Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: West Side Phoenix Posts: 2,128	no no no, keep the verses at 3 lines, thats what i mentioned before...damn ive been drinkin a-LONG time now __________________ This message has been approved by Shawn Erroneous - Hoodlum Hardcore

12-30-2005, 10:12 PM
riseagainstrocks Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: JMU Posts: 3,151	and your typing skillz are still superior to mine. sigh. its the practice ain't it. MORE DRUNK TYPING! nice song Misfits. capitalize "Olympia" and it's flawless. __________________ www.siegemusic.blogspot.com One note timeless, came out of nowhere...

12-30-2005, 10:59 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,561	Walking on the lakeshore with you my best friend It seems the fog and sky are one for i cant see the lake If we walked off the docks? Would we fall forever? A plunge so cold i can see my eyes freezing over Ive lost myself and im drowning in sorrow tonight How freezing is the winter? We run along the green grass together So keep in the joy in your step For its spring time in Olympia It was me and you against the world Not even death would defy us This is our life and our summer I see you smile lighting up this autumn day Look at the leaves change colors Just like your insides that went away I wish cancer would fall away with fall.. So thats the finished one. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.