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Old 12-30-2005, 05:29 PM  
sleepy jack
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Default Fall Forever

Walking on the lakeshore with you my best friend
It seems the fog and sky are one for i cant see the lake
If we walked off the docks? Would we fall forever?
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Old 12-30-2005, 05:47 PM  
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i thought it said Fal Forever, hehe..deep man, real deep. going somewhere with this one?
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Old 12-30-2005, 05:48 PM  
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Most likely doing those lines justice is difficult.
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Old 12-30-2005, 05:50 PM  
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well however you decide to go with it, i would recommend keepin the "would we fall forever?" at the end of each verse.
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Old 12-30-2005, 05:52 PM  
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Im thinking


So i plunge into the lake head first as i fall forever
The waters so cold i can see my eyes freezing over
I recall the day when i look into your eyes
I knew everything would be alright but now your gone
Ive lost myself and in my misery ive fallen forever


But it seems to ruin it and make it cliched.
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Old 12-30-2005, 06:04 PM  
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yeah i think that does over do it, keep it 3 lines maybe something like:

i plunge so cold i can see my eyes freezing over
As I recall the day when i look into your eyes
Ive lost myself, my misery's falling forever


and use the other lines for another verse?
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Old 12-30-2005, 06:06 PM  
sleepy jack
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Walking on the lakeshore with you my best friend
It seems the fog and sky are one for i cant see the lake
If we walked off the docks? Would we fall forever?
A plunge so cold i can see my eyes freezing over
As I recall the day when i look into your eyes
Ive lost myself, my misery's falling forever

My miserys falling forever and since its a lake reference i think

that line would probaly be better as

"and now ive lost myself and im drowning in my misery forever"
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Old 12-30-2005, 06:23 PM  
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may need to cut the line down a bit, between 10 and 12 syllables as opposed to 18
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Old 12-30-2005, 06:25 PM  
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Ive lost myself and im drowning in sorrow tonight?
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Old 12-30-2005, 06:28 PM  
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man, ive been drinking and packing up all day getting ready to move this weekend, i probably have a whole differant tune in my head than you do, but i was thinking something like

Im lost, drowning in my misery forever..

ehh, im probably just making it harder for you than it should be.
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