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12-30-2005, 05:29 PM
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Bone Machine
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 17,204
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Fall Forever
Walking on the lakeshore with you my best friend
It seems the fog and sky are one for i cant see the lake If we walked off the docks? Would we fall forever?
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12-30-2005, 05:47 PM
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The Erroneous Hoodlum
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: West Side Phoenix
Posts: 2,131
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i thought it said Fal Forever, hehe..deep man, real deep. going somewhere with this one?
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12-30-2005, 05:48 PM
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Bone Machine
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 17,204
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Most likely doing those lines justice is difficult.
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12-30-2005, 05:50 PM
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The Erroneous Hoodlum
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: West Side Phoenix
Posts: 2,131
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well however you decide to go with it, i would recommend keepin the "would we fall forever?" at the end of each verse.
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12-30-2005, 05:52 PM
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Bone Machine
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 17,204
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Im thinking
So i plunge into the lake head first as i fall forever The waters so cold i can see my eyes freezing over I recall the day when i look into your eyes I knew everything would be alright but now your gone Ive lost myself and in my misery ive fallen forever But it seems to ruin it and make it cliched.
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12-30-2005, 06:04 PM
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The Erroneous Hoodlum
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: West Side Phoenix
Posts: 2,131
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yeah i think that does over do it, keep it 3 lines maybe something like:
i plunge so cold i can see my eyes freezing over As I recall the day when i look into your eyes Ive lost myself, my misery's falling forever and use the other lines for another verse? |
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12-30-2005, 06:06 PM
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Bone Machine
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 17,204
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Walking on the lakeshore with you my best friend
It seems the fog and sky are one for i cant see the lake If we walked off the docks? Would we fall forever? A plunge so cold i can see my eyes freezing over As I recall the day when i look into your eyes Ive lost myself, my misery's falling forever My miserys falling forever and since its a lake reference i think that line would probaly be better as "and now ive lost myself and im drowning in my misery forever"
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12-30-2005, 06:23 PM
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The Erroneous Hoodlum
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: West Side Phoenix
Posts: 2,131
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may need to cut the line down a bit, between 10 and 12 syllables as opposed to 18
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12-30-2005, 06:25 PM
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Bone Machine
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 17,204
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Ive lost myself and im drowning in sorrow tonight?
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12-30-2005, 06:28 PM
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The Erroneous Hoodlum
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: West Side Phoenix
Posts: 2,131
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man, ive been drinking and packing up all day getting ready to move this weekend, i probably have a whole differant tune in my head than you do, but i was thinking something like
Im lost, drowning in my misery forever.. ehh, im probably just making it harder for you than it should be. |
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