"I Wonder" (Next Year) (dance, house, rock, favorite song)

Crowe · 01-04-2006, 12:55 AM

It's been two years since your eyes lost life,
where your soul drifts now is between you and
the forces that drive you, down, down there.
This grave plot invokes pity and sadness from,
passerbys and wandering eyes, I wonder...
what it means in the end, oh haunt me...
save my eyes, and on what noun will happiness depend?
Oh, no, no, your skull is dry, but your eyes do cry..
You know I just can't wait here any longer.
Don't take these words so lightly, dear...
I know my devotions are crystal clear,
And I'll visit you this same time every year,
But time is time, and something I value...
and although I wouldn't have made it this far without you...
I gotta move on...

Chorus
Every year, we gather around
this familiar ground, and I -
wonder, Oh, I wonder.
Life is like a ballroom dance,
every step is single sweet romance,
but one step off, one step on...
next you know and life is gone...
Oh I wonder....

It's been 4 years now, since your eyes lost life,
Now I'm married with a beautiful wife,
My house is big, 2 kids in tow, living complete.
The calendar pages are on the move,
one day its November, then it's June, yeah...
And each and every day, my thoughts of you go astray...
So I'll collect them in a little jar, and lay them here...
And just so you remember, I still love you dear...
And I'll visit you this same time every year,
But time is time, it's something I treasure,
My visits of course are of my own pleasure,
Though my cheeks are wet with love, yeah...
The sadness fades with every dove I see and oh...
Your grave stone is losing it's shiny hue,
and although I couldn't have made it this far without you...
I gotta move on...

chorus

It's been 50 years now, since your eyes lost life
I still have love, and my boys have wives,
I'm a grand father now, and getting here is tough.
Life is growing shorter, but it's not that rough.
I think I'll be seeing you soon, and yeah, I love the thought...
I'm different now, my eyes are watered my hands are wraught.
Making my way to your grave today was my last journey.
I feel the palpitations turning...
into slower beats, Oh God my chest is burning...
Take me now, use my pain to signal, dear, that you are near...
I just want to be numb to this but not your love.
Oh I hope the boys and kids don't cry, this wasn't so bad,
but no goodbye...

It looks like I won't be laying far away next year...
It looks like I won't be laying far away next year...
It looks like I won't be laying far away next year...

Life is like a ballroom dance, every step another new chance...
Yeah... I wonder...

It looks like I won't be laying far away next year...

Yeah, I wonder...

won't be laying....
wonder...
I won't be laying...
I wonder...
next year.... I won't be...
I....
laying far away...
Wonder...
next year...

madeinNY · 01-04-2006, 08:42 AM

That was beautiful...so...there are no words. It is just one of the best things I've ever read, it brough tears to my eyes. I would really like to hear this recorded...this is my new favorite song...it was just beautiful.

I just have to ask though, why the sudden jump from 4 years to 50?

Fenixpunk · 01-04-2006, 09:36 AM

that was really well written.

MusicStudent4Life · 01-04-2006, 11:52 AM

This song is really touching. Since a friend of mine passed away almost 2 years ago that first verse really hit me.

But I think that you could make this even better. For instance, in the first verse you never state your relationship to this person, or how they died. Most importantly, the WHY this person's death affected you in this way is somewhat unclear. You state, "I wouldn't have made it this far without you," but in what? life? love? wisdom? How did this person help get you to where you where?

In songwriting, it's so easy to let our emotions get the best of us. That's a wonderful thing because that's the whole point of music, to convey and evoke emotions, but it's important to always remember that the audience only knows as much as you're willing to tell them. I think that if this beautiful song were to elaborate more on this person rather than so much on the fact that they're gone this could be a really great song.

Crowe · 01-05-2006, 01:16 AM

I went from 4 to 50, to show the devotion of the main char. And obviously if I would have tried to fit anymore in, the recorded song would be pushing 7 minutes, which isn't unheard of, of course...

The same with the cause of death, and effect it had... trying to fit so much info in one song borders on ridiculousness in my point of view. If I really wanted to push myself, and I might since I got pretty good responses, I might turn this into a concept series of songs. Some kind of Rock Op. I would love to have this recorded and have it put on here so you guys could listen. In my head it's beautiful, but I am having one hell of a time putting it to music. That was my second draft, and I think I am going to cut a few words here and there. Just so extraneous ones don't dilute the song of it's emotion.

Maybe I will write a follow up song explaining the death... like a prequel. Keep a lookout for it. I'm glad you all liked it, and thank you of course for the advice and suggestions. I really enjoy posting on this forum, good community.

Crazy Luv · 01-05-2006, 03:01 PM

That was....no words can describe it. I agree with MadeinNY, one of the best things i've ever read. I also would like to hear this recorded & burn it onto one of my cds, thats how much i like it. I like how after the chorus the person grows older. As i said before no words can describe it how great it is & i see nothing wrong it.

jibber · 01-05-2006, 08:47 PM

wow, i absolutely love that song, it's amazing, thats all i can say. musicstudent4life, i understand what you're saying, but I think that the fact that it is unspecific is what makes it a great song. If he explained everything and left nothing to the imagination of the listener, I think it would become way too specific and non-relatable. I say don't change a thing.

MusicStudent4Life · 01-05-2006, 11:29 PM

Don't get me wrong people, this is a great song. Even if nothing is changed this is definitely something that I would listen to. But the whole point of posting songs is to get real feedback on them and not just "that's great!"s all down the line. Even though this is great, every song I critique I try to give people some ideas of how they could change it in a positive way if they so wished. Also, even though if what I say doesn't help with the particular song I'm critiquing, it does give the author of it some ideas of how to approach the subject if they chose to write something like this again. If people have objections to that I'm sorry, but honestly I'm just trying to help.

Crowe · 01-05-2006, 11:51 PM

Hey, it's cool - I didn't post it on here for for people to say how great/bad I am- I wanted some good critiquing and feedback. I've gotten both and it's awesome. So no need for angry glances :-P I'll also try to leave feedback on other music from now on. I haven't been doin that. =/

creepinson · 01-09-2006, 05:38 PM

holy crap... bit epic eh? btw, im thinkin i can find some words to describe it... youre not gettin off that easy

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01-04-2006, 12:55 AM
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chicago/St. Louie Posts: 690	"I Wonder" (Next Year) It's been two years since your eyes lost life, where your soul drifts now is between you and the forces that drive you, down, down there. This grave plot invokes pity and sadness from, passerbys and wandering eyes, I wonder... what it means in the end, oh haunt me... save my eyes, and on what noun will happiness depend? Oh, no, no, your skull is dry, but your eyes do cry.. You know I just can't wait here any longer. Don't take these words so lightly, dear... I know my devotions are crystal clear, And I'll visit you this same time every year, But time is time, and something I value... and although I wouldn't have made it this far without you... I gotta move on... Chorus Every year, we gather around this familiar ground, and I - wonder, Oh, I wonder. Life is like a ballroom dance, every step is single sweet romance, but one step off, one step on... next you know and life is gone... Oh I wonder.... It's been 4 years now, since your eyes lost life, Now I'm married with a beautiful wife, My house is big, 2 kids in tow, living complete. The calendar pages are on the move, one day its November, then it's June, yeah... And each and every day, my thoughts of you go astray... So I'll collect them in a little jar, and lay them here... And just so you remember, I still love you dear... And I'll visit you this same time every year, But time is time, it's something I treasure, My visits of course are of my own pleasure, Though my cheeks are wet with love, yeah... The sadness fades with every dove I see and oh... Your grave stone is losing it's shiny hue, and although I couldn't have made it this far without you... I gotta move on... chorus It's been 50 years now, since your eyes lost life I still have love, and my boys have wives, I'm a grand father now, and getting here is tough. Life is growing shorter, but it's not that rough. I think I'll be seeing you soon, and yeah, I love the thought... I'm different now, my eyes are watered my hands are wraught. Making my way to your grave today was my last journey. I feel the palpitations turning... into slower beats, Oh God my chest is burning... Take me now, use my pain to signal, dear, that you are near... I just want to be numb to this but not your love. Oh I hope the boys and kids don't cry, this wasn't so bad, but no goodbye... It looks like I won't be laying far away next year... It looks like I won't be laying far away next year... It looks like I won't be laying far away next year... Life is like a ballroom dance, every step another new chance... Yeah... I wonder... It looks like I won't be laying far away next year... Yeah, I wonder... won't be laying.... wonder... I won't be laying... I wonder... next year.... I won't be... I.... laying far away... Wonder... next year...

01-04-2006, 08:42 AM
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 461	That was beautiful...so...there are no words. It is just one of the best things I've ever read, it brough tears to my eyes. I would really like to hear this recorded...this is my new favorite song...it was just beautiful. I just have to ask though, why the sudden jump from 4 years to 50? __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol

01-04-2006, 09:36 AM
Fenixpunk The Erroneous Hoodlum Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: West Side Phoenix Posts: 2,131	that was really well written. __________________ This message has been approved by Shawn Erroneous - Hoodlum Hardcore

01-04-2006, 11:52 AM
MusicStudent4Life Groupie Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: cali Posts: 6	This song is really touching. Since a friend of mine passed away almost 2 years ago that first verse really hit me. But I think that you could make this even better. For instance, in the first verse you never state your relationship to this person, or how they died. Most importantly, the WHY this person's death affected you in this way is somewhat unclear. You state, "I wouldn't have made it this far without you," but in what? life? love? wisdom? How did this person help get you to where you where? In songwriting, it's so easy to let our emotions get the best of us. That's a wonderful thing because that's the whole point of music, to convey and evoke emotions, but it's important to always remember that the audience only knows as much as you're willing to tell them. I think that if this beautiful song were to elaborate more on this person rather than so much on the fact that they're gone this could be a really great song.

01-05-2006, 01:16 AM
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chicago/St. Louie Posts: 690	I went from 4 to 50, to show the devotion of the main char. And obviously if I would have tried to fit anymore in, the recorded song would be pushing 7 minutes, which isn't unheard of, of course... The same with the cause of death, and effect it had... trying to fit so much info in one song borders on ridiculousness in my point of view. If I really wanted to push myself, and I might since I got pretty good responses, I might turn this into a concept series of songs. Some kind of Rock Op. I would love to have this recorded and have it put on here so you guys could listen. In my head it's beautiful, but I am having one hell of a time putting it to music. That was my second draft, and I think I am going to cut a few words here and there. Just so extraneous ones don't dilute the song of it's emotion. Maybe I will write a follow up song explaining the death... like a prequel. Keep a lookout for it. I'm glad you all liked it, and thank you of course for the advice and suggestions. I really enjoy posting on this forum, good community.

01-05-2006, 03:01 PM
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 378	That was....no words can describe it. I agree with MadeinNY, one of the best things i've ever read. I also would like to hear this recorded & burn it onto one of my cds, thats how much i like it. I like how after the chorus the person grows older. As i said before no words can describe it how great it is & i see nothing wrong it. __________________ Gotta Problem Wit Me...SOLVE IT..Think Im Trippin...TIE MA SHOE..Cant Face Me..THEN TURN DA FUCK AROUND Though our hands are chained like they are They haven't taken music from us yet So that's how we'll fight We'll never apologize for saying what we feel Thats like apologizing just for being real

01-05-2006, 08:47 PM
jibber Freeskier Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Canuckistan Posts: 1,322	wow, i absolutely love that song, it's amazing, thats all i can say. musicstudent4life, i understand what you're saying, but I think that the fact that it is unspecific is what makes it a great song. If he explained everything and left nothing to the imagination of the listener, I think it would become way too specific and non-relatable. I say don't change a thing. __________________ What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road. William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass. HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER

01-05-2006, 11:29 PM
MusicStudent4Life Groupie Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: cali Posts: 6	Don't get me wrong people, this is a great song. Even if nothing is changed this is definitely something that I would listen to. But the whole point of posting songs is to get real feedback on them and not just "that's great!"s all down the line. Even though this is great, every song I critique I try to give people some ideas of how they could change it in a positive way if they so wished. Also, even though if what I say doesn't help with the particular song I'm critiquing, it does give the author of it some ideas of how to approach the subject if they chose to write something like this again. If people have objections to that I'm sorry, but honestly I'm just trying to help. __________________ a bird does not sing because it has answers, a bird sings because it has a song

01-05-2006, 11:51 PM
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chicago/St. Louie Posts: 690	Hey, it's cool - I didn't post it on here for for people to say how great/bad I am- I wanted some good critiquing and feedback. I've gotten both and it's awesome. So no need for angry glances :-P I'll also try to leave feedback on other music from now on. I haven't been doin that. =/

01-09-2006, 05:38 PM
creepinson you are freakin out, man Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: ajax, ontario Posts: 128	holy crap... bit epic eh? btw, im thinkin i can find some words to describe it... youre not gettin off that easy black dot