This may sound whinny but..... (Queen, quote, song, emo)

End Of the Innocence · 01-06-2006, 01:44 PM

Well here's a song i wrote about someone to make fun of them...it's highly sterotypical and meant to be....so here it is

Emo Queen

Saddest thing that we've ever seen
That poor little emo queen

Crying tears of broken sorrow
Not wanting to see tomorrow

Seeing rivers of flowing red
Thoughts of pain all through her head

Swept hair of black
To one side so she can't look back

Chorus
Emo Queen
You rule your world
Like a bee
Over a hoard
Cutting wrists
Ending life
Making fists
Creating striffe

Creepy scars all up your arms
Make us forget with all your charms

Stealing razors to let you cut
It must take a lot of gut

Your heart of pain
Makes you insane

Chorus

Violins play all around
But you can not make a sound

It is over and you are glad
You were tired of all you had

Chorus x 2

So there it is...what do u think?

madeinNY · 01-06-2006, 02:05 PM

haha its good, funny.

but

Chorus
Emo Queen
You rule your world
Like a bee
Over a hoard
Cutting wrists
Ending life
Making fists
Creating striffe

"ending life" doesn't seem to flow there.

---

why does everyone make fun of emo kids??

End Of the Innocence · 01-06-2006, 02:09 PM

i only make fun of them because it's easy and that little girl thought she ruled everything when everyone hated her and made fun of her...it may not have enough syllables there but it was a necessary part of the chorus...

madeinNY · 01-06-2006, 02:14 PM

Ohhh I get it. my bad. Cool song though. I wouldn't change anything, but what do I know? heh

blackTshirt · 01-06-2006, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by End Of the Innocence

Chorus
Emo Queen
You rule your world
Like a bee
Over a hoard
Cutting wrists
Ending life
Making fists
Creating striffe

Creepy scars all up your arms
Make us forget with all your charms

Stealing razors to let you cut
It must take a lot of gut

Your heart of pain
Makes you insane

Chorus

Violins play all around
But you can not make a sound

so yeah it's like a teenager's but what i'd change are the following:
"creating striffe" should be replaced
you should change "creppy" with "pretty" cause it's like cooler

and "makes" with "drives"
and the violins part should go..... away

Merkaba · 01-06-2006, 02:51 PM

Crikey it's like a sad Nursery rhyme haha.

I think it's good. But I don't know about "Over a hoard" and then "Cutting wrists"...

It seems to miss a chunk of something. Like a piece of the puzzle.

And I agree with blacktshirt about the violens bit, it doesn't sit that nicely. But other then that I thought it was pretty clever.

End Of the Innocence · 01-06-2006, 02:53 PM

i really only put the violins part in so that it had more words before it cut to the end...perhaps if a few more lines were added...and it was a homage for when you're whinny for no reason and no one cares they play the smallest violin with their fingers...that sort of thing.

Merkaba · 01-06-2006, 02:57 PM

Ohhh I use that play on words to take the piss all the time. If someones having a piss and a moan I'll just rub my finger and thumb together and ask them if they can hear the violen playing for them

If you were to take the violins part out, maybe take one of the choruses at the finish as well? To even things up?

End Of the Innocence · 01-06-2006, 02:59 PM

good idea
here's another one not as good though
Fame
Things have changed
They're just not the same
Everything's strange
Distorted by fame

Tears falling
Love's ending

Can't hold on any longer
Try to grow stronger

Grasp for it
Try to contain
It's just one big fit
Inside your brain

To the world you're happy
Inside you're sappy

Tired of making everything seem okay
Of smiling come what may

You're so high up
You fall
You're sipping a cup
Where you were you can't recall

Lost it all
Once again so small

Things shift once more
All is the same
Once again a bore
Everything so tame

It was a dream
Things are excatly as they seem

The room transforms
Now you're in a dorm

Your life progresses
Absent of one thing
We digress
It was just a fling

Eyes flutter
You hear someone mutter

They're there
Taking care

It was a vision
Induced by drugs
Now make a decision
Forget the hugs

Lose it forever
You think you're clever

Some things aren't just rivers
Things in denial
Gives me the shivers

Why are we blue?
Sniffing too much glue

You really awaken
Visibly shaken
Blissful and new
Without a clue

guess it could also be said it's not a song but that's not the point.

**sleepy jack** · 01-06-2006, 02:59 PM

I don't think its that great, insulting emo songs are stupid boring and getting lame. Its been done to many times this one isn't even that good.

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01-06-2006, 01:44 PM
End Of the Innocence Groupie Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 32	This may sound whinny but..... Well here's a song i wrote about someone to make fun of them...it's highly sterotypical and meant to be....so here it is Emo Queen Saddest thing that we've ever seen That poor little emo queen Crying tears of broken sorrow Not wanting to see tomorrow Seeing rivers of flowing red Thoughts of pain all through her head Swept hair of black To one side so she can't look back Chorus Emo Queen You rule your world Like a bee Over a hoard Cutting wrists Ending life Making fists Creating striffe Creepy scars all up your arms Make us forget with all your charms Stealing razors to let you cut It must take a lot of gut Your heart of pain Makes you insane Chorus Violins play all around But you can not make a sound It is over and you are glad You were tired of all you had Chorus x 2 So there it is...what do u think? __________________ "I am not bound to please thee with my anaswer"~Shakespeare

01-06-2006, 02:05 PM
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 461	haha its good, funny. but Chorus Emo Queen You rule your world Like a bee Over a hoard Cutting wrists Ending life Making fists Creating striffe "ending life" doesn't seem to flow there. --- why does everyone make fun of emo kids?? __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol

01-06-2006, 02:09 PM
End Of the Innocence Groupie Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 32	i only make fun of them because it's easy and that little girl thought she ruled everything when everyone hated her and made fun of her...it may not have enough syllables there but it was a necessary part of the chorus... __________________ "I am not bound to please thee with my anaswer"~Shakespeare

01-06-2006, 02:14 PM
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 461	Ohhh I get it. my bad. Cool song though. I wouldn't change anything, but what do I know? heh __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol

01-06-2006, 02:51 PM
Merkaba Whitewater! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: New Zealand Posts: 2,821	Crikey it's like a sad Nursery rhyme haha. I think it's good. But I don't know about "Over a hoard" and then "Cutting wrists"... It seems to miss a chunk of something. Like a piece of the puzzle. And I agree with blacktshirt about the violens bit, it doesn't sit that nicely. But other then that I thought it was pretty clever. __________________ Right you lot, shut it. Strewth Fowler my son, all looks a bit pear-shaped round here or what. The govenor's talking, Saturday's game, very dodgy, very naughty, could go a little pear-shaped. If there's a rough things might be well iffy. These faces are a little bit hard, know what I mean, a little bit of oof, have some of that my son, bosh, sorted, ta ta, got me, so be clever. Good, now shut it!

01-06-2006, 02:53 PM
End Of the Innocence Groupie Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 32	i really only put the violins part in so that it had more words before it cut to the end...perhaps if a few more lines were added...and it was a homage for when you're whinny for no reason and no one cares they play the smallest violin with their fingers...that sort of thing. __________________ "I am not bound to please thee with my anaswer"~Shakespeare

01-06-2006, 02:57 PM
Merkaba Whitewater! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: New Zealand Posts: 2,821	Ohhh I use that play on words to take the piss all the time. If someones having a piss and a moan I'll just rub my finger and thumb together and ask them if they can hear the violen playing for them If you were to take the violins part out, maybe take one of the choruses at the finish as well? To even things up? __________________ Right you lot, shut it. Strewth Fowler my son, all looks a bit pear-shaped round here or what. The govenor's talking, Saturday's game, very dodgy, very naughty, could go a little pear-shaped. If there's a rough things might be well iffy. These faces are a little bit hard, know what I mean, a little bit of oof, have some of that my son, bosh, sorted, ta ta, got me, so be clever. Good, now shut it!

01-06-2006, 02:59 PM
End Of the Innocence Groupie Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 32	good idea here's another one not as good though Fame Things have changed They're just not the same Everything's strange Distorted by fame Tears falling Love's ending Can't hold on any longer Try to grow stronger Grasp for it Try to contain It's just one big fit Inside your brain To the world you're happy Inside you're sappy Tired of making everything seem okay Of smiling come what may You're so high up You fall You're sipping a cup Where you were you can't recall Lost it all Once again so small Things shift once more All is the same Once again a bore Everything so tame It was a dream Things are excatly as they seem The room transforms Now you're in a dorm Your life progresses Absent of one thing We digress It was just a fling Eyes flutter You hear someone mutter They're there Taking care It was a vision Induced by drugs Now make a decision Forget the hugs Lose it forever You think you're clever Some things aren't just rivers Things in denial Gives me the shivers Why are we blue? Sniffing too much glue You really awaken Visibly shaken Blissful and new Without a clue guess it could also be said it's not a song but that's not the point. __________________ "I am not bound to please thee with my anaswer"~Shakespeare

01-06-2006, 02:59 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,569	I don't think its that great, insulting emo songs are stupid boring and getting lame. Its been done to many times this one isn't even that good. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.