"Untitled Love Song" - Crowe (lyric, doors, elvis presley, Kiss)

Crowe · 01-08-2006, 09:32 PM

Know when the grass is tall, and centuries old,
Children gather, and bedtime stories are told,
They'll tell of you and me,

Know when buildings fall, and crumble and all,
When our bodies die, and heaven will call,
They'll call to you and me,

When legends past, and the future asks,
What lays in these coffins and golden casks,
They'll find you and me,

The future definition of love, written in big ole' books
for people to learn, to what picture will students look?
They'll look up you and me,

The ancient names of Romeo and Juliet
are just a couple of folks time will forget,
They'll remember you and me,

On Valentines Day, instead of giving a heart,
Our picture will be put on pink and red cards,
They'll give each other you and me,

They'll put our love, in a poem, on cream pages,
Then we'll be a play to be performed on silver stages,
They'll be almost as good as you and me,

This lullaby written to kiss you goodnight,
Is only here, til I get home, til I'm in sight,
Then it'll just be you and me
Then it'll just be you and me
Then it'll just be you and me, yeah
Then it'll just be you and me...

So til that time comes, just hold on tight,
I'm comin home at the speed of light...
Then it'll just be you and me,
Then it'll just be you and me,
(fading out with these words)

Hope you guys enjoyed it, just tried to make it as sweet as possible without goin' overkill.

Crazy Luv · 01-09-2006, 01:19 PM

you are my favorite writer in MB. Like for "i wonder", i see no problems. you have ways with words & how you put them.

i guess you proved the quote "It is not only giants that do great things" right

Crowe · 01-09-2006, 03:49 PM

Ah jeez, thats probably one of the best things anyone has said to me. Thanks a lot. Thank God you said this to me on a forum, I'm not really good at getting compliments in real life. I just kinda stand there and am like, oh yeah, thanks... and then the following conversation is like... so... haha. Thanks again though, I really like writing and its friggin awesome to get this kind of feedback.

creepinson · 01-09-2006, 04:04 PM

not to bring down your natural high, but ive really got a few major problems with it

Now its obvious that you have talent, but you definately have some things to work on (lol saying your amazing doesnt help anyone progress, so it might get a bit harsh)

the major problem i have with this piece is the d@mn rhyming... now i have no problem with rhyming itself, but when someone like you, with awesome potential gets it into their head that they have to rhyme, i really dont like it. The problem is that your so worried about rhyming that you seem to care less about the actual concepts of your writing. I mean come on casks? Its a real word and all... but i wouldnt want to find a person dropping out of a beer keg at a party... are you thinking of caskets?

The only other thing you need to work on is imagery, and literary devices.

things like imagery really help bring more life to your works, and literary devices like metaphors, similes etc. make it seem more original and gets rid of alot of the cliches that can really ruin a good concept.

dont mean to put you down man, always trying to help you... keep at it and good job man, you're well on your way

could you crit my piece Arsonist at My Doorstep? id really like to hear what you think about it...

Crowe · 01-09-2006, 04:31 PM

ah creep, this must be the first piece you've seen of mine. this was meant to be just a simple love song, sweet with a simple guitar part. Look at some of the greatest love songs of all time and you will see a simple lyrical pattern mixed with a simple rhyming scheme - as seen above. Check out my, Next Year (I Wonder) thread... it comes from a different mold. I wrote about what you would see in the song in the original post. This isn't supposed to be about lyrical mastery, just a little something catchy. You don't always need a plethora of literary devices and an overload of imagery to make a song mean something. And again as an example, look at old Elvis Presley songs.

EDIT: also with the casks things, in archeological digs (especially those in Ancient Egypt) they often found that the pharaohs and nobles were buried with items of importance to them in life, and that these items would travel with their soul into the afterlife. It is often said that a persons life could be judged by the items they were burried with. Now, wine was saved in casks back in the ancient days, and coupled with wine is the passion of love, and the idea of wealth in life when the buried person was alive. So now you can see how it applies.

And don't think I'm putting you down either. I post on here to get critique, and I thank you for taking the time to critique my piece. I just think sometimes people on here are so worried about writing the perfect song that they miss out on the simple pleasures of music. And as you said that the "rhyming" bothered you, that kind of thing bothers me. I think I had already critiqued your piece before I saw this, so there ya go.

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01-08-2006, 09:32 PM
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chicago/St. Louie Posts: 676	"Untitled Love Song" - Crowe Know when the grass is tall, and centuries old, Children gather, and bedtime stories are told, They'll tell of you and me, Know when buildings fall, and crumble and all, When our bodies die, and heaven will call, They'll call to you and me, When legends past, and the future asks, What lays in these coffins and golden casks, They'll find you and me, The future definition of love, written in big ole' books for people to learn, to what picture will students look? They'll look up you and me, The ancient names of Romeo and Juliet are just a couple of folks time will forget, They'll remember you and me, On Valentines Day, instead of giving a heart, Our picture will be put on pink and red cards, They'll give each other you and me, They'll put our love, in a poem, on cream pages, Then we'll be a play to be performed on silver stages, They'll be almost as good as you and me, This lullaby written to kiss you goodnight, Is only here, til I get home, til I'm in sight, Then it'll just be you and me Then it'll just be you and me Then it'll just be you and me, yeah Then it'll just be you and me... So til that time comes, just hold on tight, I'm comin home at the speed of light... Then it'll just be you and me, Then it'll just be you and me, (fading out with these words) Hope you guys enjoyed it, just tried to make it as sweet as possible without goin' overkill.

01-09-2006, 01:19 PM
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 378	you are my favorite writer in MB. Like for "i wonder", i see no problems. you have ways with words & how you put them. i guess you proved the quote "It is not only giants that do great things" right __________________ Gotta Problem Wit Me...SOLVE IT..Think Im Trippin...TIE MA SHOE..Cant Face Me..THEN TURN DA FUCK AROUND Though our hands are chained like they are They haven't taken music from us yet So that's how we'll fight We'll never apologize for saying what we feel Thats like apologizing just for being real

01-09-2006, 03:49 PM
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chicago/St. Louie Posts: 676	Ah jeez, thats probably one of the best things anyone has said to me. Thanks a lot. Thank God you said this to me on a forum, I'm not really good at getting compliments in real life. I just kinda stand there and am like, oh yeah, thanks... and then the following conversation is like... so... haha. Thanks again though, I really like writing and its friggin awesome to get this kind of feedback.

01-09-2006, 04:04 PM
creepinson you are freakin out, man Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: ajax, ontario Posts: 128	not to bring down your natural high, but ive really got a few major problems with it Now its obvious that you have talent, but you definately have some things to work on (lol saying your amazing doesnt help anyone progress, so it might get a bit harsh) the major problem i have with this piece is the d@mn rhyming... now i have no problem with rhyming itself, but when someone like you, with awesome potential gets it into their head that they have to rhyme, i really dont like it. The problem is that your so worried about rhyming that you seem to care less about the actual concepts of your writing. I mean come on casks? Its a real word and all... but i wouldnt want to find a person dropping out of a beer keg at a party... are you thinking of caskets? The only other thing you need to work on is imagery, and literary devices. things like imagery really help bring more life to your works, and literary devices like metaphors, similes etc. make it seem more original and gets rid of alot of the cliches that can really ruin a good concept. dont mean to put you down man, always trying to help you... keep at it and good job man, you're well on your way could you crit my piece Arsonist at My Doorstep? id really like to hear what you think about it...

01-09-2006, 04:31 PM
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chicago/St. Louie Posts: 676	ah creep, this must be the first piece you've seen of mine. this was meant to be just a simple love song, sweet with a simple guitar part. Look at some of the greatest love songs of all time and you will see a simple lyrical pattern mixed with a simple rhyming scheme - as seen above. Check out my, Next Year (I Wonder) thread... it comes from a different mold. I wrote about what you would see in the song in the original post. This isn't supposed to be about lyrical mastery, just a little something catchy. You don't always need a plethora of literary devices and an overload of imagery to make a song mean something. And again as an example, look at old Elvis Presley songs. EDIT: also with the casks things, in archeological digs (especially those in Ancient Egypt) they often found that the pharaohs and nobles were buried with items of importance to them in life, and that these items would travel with their soul into the afterlife. It is often said that a persons life could be judged by the items they were burried with. Now, wine was saved in casks back in the ancient days, and coupled with wine is the passion of love, and the idea of wealth in life when the buried person was alive. So now you can see how it applies. And don't think I'm putting you down either. I post on here to get critique, and I thank you for taking the time to critique my piece. I just think sometimes people on here are so worried about writing the perfect song that they miss out on the simple pleasures of music. And as you said that the "rhyming" bothered you, that kind of thing bothers me. I think I had already critiqued your piece before I saw this, so there ya go.