TrampInaTux

I'm creeping behind/
Like it's a crime/
It's about time/
You learnt a lesson/
We're here/
And we're ready to test them/
It's easy with your knowledge/
I feed off your soul/
Take it like your Brother/
and let her feel whole/

CHORUS
Feel like I'm taking/
another stab of that shit/
What is it? What is it?/
Don't want no part of it
Feel like I'm drinking/
another sip of that shit/
What is it? What is it?/
Don't want no part of it/

Revolutionary/
The king of my time/
creeping up behind/
found out it's a crime/
I'll take your earnings with one foul swipe/
You don't come near because you know my type/
My bowler hat with the purple stripe/
The glisten from the glue signals your life/
I celebrate your fears/
like they on parade/
cos Death's round the corner/
and he's selling lemonade

CHORUS

I feel its only not a matter/
that you can hear their feet patyter/
before they come out/
like you knew about/
she wept when you left/
yet you showed no sorrow/
she wants you hear now/
but only if tomorrow/
will continue not a progression of past/
you rear your head but how long will it last/

CHORUS

Crazy Luv

Favorite part was...
the title...umm...yea
& when you said patyter...you actually meant patter right?

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TrampInaTux

Yeah I did mean patter. Did you like the song, cos I did actually like this when I wrote it, something I never find myself doing with my songs.

Crazy Luv

it was good until the last two lines

nothing needs to be changed. this is my favorite part

i bolded that part because it sounded like you were talking about one thing then changing it into something else. what i mean, is thats the part that confused me.



but yea, i like this, needs to be fixed just a lil bit

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TrampInaTux

The 'like you knew about' line meant that the guy had sex with this girl and had a feeling that there would be some repercussions. The 'she wept when you left' line meant that the guy had left once he knew that there was going to be some repurcussions, and the woman was upset when he did so. I thought those were quite a good couple of lines-I was mostly worried how the 'Death is around the corner selling lemonade' line would go down, because I think that can either be the most powerful line or the most hated. I'm glad it became the former. Thanks for the help.

Accipiter

The title seems a bit misleading, unless i'm not understanding the song, but I really do like it. Good job

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TrampInaTux

The title was just something to get peoples attention. It just popped into my head.