jibber

Know that point at which you stare at something so long you just can't make up an opinion on it anymore? yeah i'm at that state, so i've decided i need some fresh eyes on this. tell me what you think.


Stepped down from that
first rung quick enough,
Surprising yet not so,
The process was quick though
Not painless, what else could be expected.
It’s the second,
Grasping, clutching that refuses to let go,
Which suits just fine.
There’s comfort in familiarity,
An un-weighted chest feels uncomfortably light
Its uncertainty won’t stay on the ground
So back again to that second one,
Can’t risk leaving this trench since
There’s no reward, and little incentive.
But even now it’s unraveling,
A carefully constructed fabrication
Of boundaries since its,
Only so long before things frozen thaw,
If such a tenacious hold slackens,
Released the hold for an instant,
Just to rest on solid ground,
Rest for a minute, just a taste.
Such a regulated experiment,
Compromised for a moment of relaxation,
A momentary slackening of such
A rigid routine,
Causes such bewilderment,
Confusion, tripped up and spun around,
Somehow jumped the next three rungs,
To somewhere in between
The last two, in limbo.

__________________
What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways

Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass.

HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER

Crowe

seems out of place. the introduction of the sensation of cold is presented at random and is never revisited in the song. not even hinted towards.

We also have that ever present and ambiguous "IT" in the song. This gets old in my opinion.

I really like where this is heading though. The "it" thing is what takes away from the song.

jibber

good call on the first point, and you're right about all the "it"s. so this is the revised version, looking better I think.

Stepped down from that
first rung quick enough,
Surprising yet not so,
The process was quick though
Not painless, what else could be expected.
There’s just that second rung,
Clinging, clawing that refuses to let go,
Which suits just fine.
There’s comfort in familiarity,
An un-weighted chest feels uncomfortably light
and uncertainty won’t remain grounded
So back again to that second rung.
Can’t risk leaving this trench since
There’s no reward, and little incentive.
But even now the web is unraveling,
A carefully constructed fabrication
Of boundaries but it’s tenacity
Just isn’t what it used to be.
If such an unrelenting hold slackens,
Released the hold for an instant,
Just to rest on solid ground,
Rest for a minute, just a taste.
Such a regulated experiment,
Compromised for a moment of relaxation,
A momentary slackening of such
A rigid routine,
Causes such bewilderment,
Confusion, tripped up and spun around,
Somehow jumped the next three rungs,
To somewhere in between
The last two, in limbo.

__________________
What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways

Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass.

HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER

Crowe

Ah! b-e-a-utiful. Good show, sir. I would love to hear this recorded.

jibber

sweet, thanks for the pointers. and on a side note, it'd be ma'am, not sir. but don't say that, "ma'am" creeps me out just a bit.

__________________
What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways

Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass.

HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER

Crowe

This is twice that I've been caught callin' a chick a dude. How am I supposed to know with these unisex aliases >.<

jibber

haha, no worries, happens quite often with me.

__________________
What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways

Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass.

HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER