TrampInaTux

I was determined to live/
Paid the price and I died/
don't want to be known as a loser/
from the next dimension/
came to Earth to find ascension/
failings and trauma/
tears and drama/
kill the young/
because they are looking for the old/
designed to breathe/
but it is too cold/

She was determined to kill/
Then she was murdered/
I will take your soul from your body/
and heal up your wounds/
take that bastard out of your womb/
he is in my tomb/
failings and trauma/
tears and drama/
kill the young/
they want to breed with us/
can they not see/
we are not ready for devotion?


Short and hopefully sweet (well, hopefully good. I don't want this song to seem sweet.)

Crashing Sun

Good start.

seems to say the same thing = maybe "find" ascension?

Awkward. Who's desgined to breath? (Aren't we all?)
but it's too cold = feels like a forced rhyme

Again, I'm confused as to the meaning of your song (hey, I try to be vague too) but if I had to hazard a guess I'd say abortion or maybe not being ready to be a father for a child. The designed to breath part might make more sense if we knew it was an infant, but in the chorus that's not clear. But if that were true then the line "can they not see / we are not ready for devotion" would be just plain silly.

__________________
People Against People

"Scientists in Taiwan say they have bred three pigs that glow in the dark."

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TrampInaTux

It's basically a song of irony. A woman who tried to kill was murdered and whatever. It's not about abortion-the second verse is basically about a woman who wanted to kill her boyfriend. The woman is pregnant. Then the woman is killed. Then the guy is basically saying to the baby that the woman was supposed to kill him-the 'get that bastard out of your womb, that's my tomb' part. the first and second verse are different. I wanted to go a bit more original with this song (actually all of my songs have been pretty original. That's not to say they're good, it's just I've never heard a song about OAP *** rights protestors.) So the 2 verses don't match up. I changed the 'rise ascension' part to 'find ascension'. I realised it didn't make sense. It just sounded good in my head when I typed it. Thanks for the opinions anyway, I don't not what I'd do without you guys!