The sacrifice (effect, show, quote, talented, song)

Ma Cherie · 02-09-2006, 02:22 PM

In the darkness
you find the light
the night is waiting
to fill you with fright

the moon is gone
the flowers are dead
the sky is on fire
and we'er filled with dread

the kingdoms crumble
the light fades out
the impious have fled
and run all about

the moon is full
its painted blood red
the hate in the air
cut you down dead

the moon has fallen
the flowers die
the light never comes
whatever we try

the epochs fly
a floating light
vexation ties
my patience tight

the talented scribe
the noblest heart
my feelings in flux
an unequaled art

my fury rises
my life betrayed
vengence obtained
a venal arrayed

a transit of thoughts
motionless meditation
the fires of fury
a dangerous transition

when the dust settles
and stillness then comes
it brings back life
but the blood still runs

on the alter of sacrifice
was the payment for life
who shed all his blood
to end all our strife

creepinson · 02-09-2006, 04:52 PM

i honestly didnt even bother finishing this... its just the same thing over and over... one attempt to show your "extended" vocabulary after another... the flow wasnt particularly well done, and it didnt seem to have any real point or purpose. if you ended with a bang, it certainly wasnt tied in with the beginning or middle... but then again, i guess ill have to finish it...

nah

Ma Cherie · 02-16-2006, 08:16 AM

well if you don't like my writing don't read it. read some thing else

creepinson · 02-16-2006, 03:38 PM

oh ofcourse. i just want you to know that im not trying to be rude at all... just honest, and as such an accomplished writer, i would imagine you would like any comments very critical, so as to have an effect on the highly advanced inner workings of your poetic mind. I wouldnt want you missing out on a chance to perfect your art...

Mama Booze · 02-16-2006, 04:13 PM

I always enjoy reading your stuff, ma...I like the dark stuff :]

Ma Cherie · 02-21-2006, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by some_exotic_booze

I always enjoy reading your stuff, ma...I like the dark stuff :]

thanks i'm now getting some latin mixed in and if there some parts of a song in spanish i apologise ahead of time.

Mama Booze · 02-21-2006, 03:10 PM

Twill be quite all right, I'm sure I'll enjoy the depsity [[is that a word? haha]] of it any way.

Ma Cherie · 02-21-2006, 03:15 PM

i've been listening to skakira a bit much.

creepinson · 02-21-2006, 03:20 PM

at all is too much... if you can make something good in a language youre fluent in, why butcher someone elses? the fact that there is more than one language in a song doesnt make it artsy... it just makes it take longer for me to find a translater so i can tell you its crap

Ma Cherie · 02-21-2006, 03:22 PM

i'm mutilingual

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

02-09-2006, 02:22 PM
Ma Cherie The Forums Sadistic Ghost Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: beyond midnight, in the abyss of time, the syren in the night Posts: 444	The sacrifice In the darkness you find the light the night is waiting to fill you with fright the moon is gone the flowers are dead the sky is on fire and we'er filled with dread the kingdoms crumble the light fades out the impious have fled and run all about the moon is full its painted blood red the hate in the air cut you down dead the moon has fallen the flowers die the light never comes whatever we try the epochs fly a floating light vexation ties my patience tight the talented scribe the noblest heart my feelings in flux an unequaled art my fury rises my life betrayed vengence obtained a venal arrayed a transit of thoughts motionless meditation the fires of fury a dangerous transition when the dust settles and stillness then comes it brings back life but the blood still runs on the alter of sacrifice was the payment for life who shed all his blood to end all our strife __________________ I'm not a freak on a leash, I'm just the freak holding the leash. Polly wants a cracker! Damn it! Polly wants a Fucking cracker! Give Polly a Mother Fucking cracker! http://www.myspace.com/yukiko_mori

02-09-2006, 04:52 PM
creepinson you are freakin out, man Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: ajax, ontario Posts: 135	i honestly didnt even bother finishing this... its just the same thing over and over... one attempt to show your "extended" vocabulary after another... the flow wasnt particularly well done, and it didnt seem to have any real point or purpose. if you ended with a bang, it certainly wasnt tied in with the beginning or middle... but then again, i guess ill have to finish it... nah

02-16-2006, 08:16 AM
Ma Cherie The Forums Sadistic Ghost Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: beyond midnight, in the abyss of time, the syren in the night Posts: 444	well if you don't like my writing don't read it. read some thing else __________________ I'm not a freak on a leash, I'm just the freak holding the leash. Polly wants a cracker! Damn it! Polly wants a Fucking cracker! Give Polly a Mother Fucking cracker! http://www.myspace.com/yukiko_mori

02-16-2006, 03:38 PM
creepinson you are freakin out, man Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: ajax, ontario Posts: 135	oh ofcourse. i just want you to know that im not trying to be rude at all... just honest, and as such an accomplished writer, i would imagine you would like any comments very critical, so as to have an effect on the highly advanced inner workings of your poetic mind. I wouldnt want you missing out on a chance to perfect your art...

02-16-2006, 04:13 PM
Mama Booze Here's lookin at you, kid Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: The White Hotel Posts: 359	I always enjoy reading your stuff, ma...I like the dark stuff :]

02-21-2006, 03:10 PM
Mama Booze Here's lookin at you, kid Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: The White Hotel Posts: 359	Twill be quite all right, I'm sure I'll enjoy the depsity [[is that a word? haha]] of it any way.

02-21-2006, 03:15 PM
Ma Cherie The Forums Sadistic Ghost Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: beyond midnight, in the abyss of time, the syren in the night Posts: 444	i've been listening to skakira a bit much. __________________ I'm not a freak on a leash, I'm just the freak holding the leash. Polly wants a cracker! Damn it! Polly wants a Fucking cracker! Give Polly a Mother Fucking cracker! http://www.myspace.com/yukiko_mori

02-21-2006, 03:20 PM
creepinson you are freakin out, man Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: ajax, ontario Posts: 135	at all is too much... if you can make something good in a language youre fluent in, why butcher someone elses? the fact that there is more than one language in a song doesnt make it artsy... it just makes it take longer for me to find a translater so i can tell you its crap

02-21-2006, 03:22 PM
Ma Cherie The Forums Sadistic Ghost Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: beyond midnight, in the abyss of time, the syren in the night Posts: 444	i'm mutilingual __________________ I'm not a freak on a leash, I'm just the freak holding the leash. Polly wants a cracker! Damn it! Polly wants a Fucking cracker! Give Polly a Mother Fucking cracker! http://www.myspace.com/yukiko_mori