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02-26-2006, 12:48 PM
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Music Addict
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: The Darkest Coldest Place
Posts: 96
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02-26-2006, 01:32 PM
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that's my war face.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,451
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Okay okay so I think we've clarified that this song sucks. To be honest I like the verses, but yeah I think the chorus could do with a lot of improvement. Could you guys try and give me more advice though?
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02-26-2006, 03:33 PM
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angel of tragic days
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 943
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in the chorus try one of the two
- focusing on one thing and one thing only.. bringing it to a hole new level - open up the chorus make it short and sweet, but not too details and clean like the rest of the song.. just my thoughts. |
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03-03-2006, 06:46 AM
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this bird has flown
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: paris,texas
Posts: 851
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i dont mind it.
__________________
formerly ledzeppelinrulz.
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03-04-2006, 06:46 AM
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Music Addict
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 135
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It needs a chorus other than that its k
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03-04-2006, 09:41 AM
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Account Disabled
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: In the sea...
Posts: 255
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03-04-2006, 04:34 PM
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They call me Tundra Boy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In your linen cupboard.
Posts: 1,208
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Yes, change the chorus. I for one am down with the whole god bashing thing, but "Bad names for jesus" sounds like a rubbish playground chant and "whore" just doesn't make much sense (unless its a criticism of omnipresence).
How about: When Jesus rode a donkey he was riding his dad Because God is an ass God is an ass If you like it feel free to use it!
__________________
To listen to my music click this link - WWW.MYSPACE.COM/JODILEEPARKER Quote:
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03-05-2006, 03:21 AM
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that's my war face.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,451
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Haha that is classic. I'm changing the whore part.
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03-05-2006, 03:23 AM
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that's my war face.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,451
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Okay then so the whore part is changed. What does everyone think now?
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03-05-2006, 10:30 AM
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angel of tragic days
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 943
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i like it hobo.. you made the song a lot better i think
 good job! |
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