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03-10-2006, 06:53 PM
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infamous nimbus
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 137
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Isla Vista Girls
I like this forum so far, got some good feedback. Lets see how you like this one that I wrote earlier this week. Its about college town girls.
It was a cool friday night And I was feeling alright I was drinking keystone light When I saw her dressed in white So I went and said hello You remind me of the snow Your blue eyes have got me cold And at night I sleep alone She laughed, looked at me and said You should get used to it then Tonight you'll be there again Then she left with her boyfriend So I found my way back home Took a rip of white widow Layed my head on my pillow Then I fell asleep alone Then it was Saturday night Asked my homie for a light The weed makes me feel alright While I'm drinking nasty ice Then some girlie said hello Told me that I had to know She forgot her bud at home And she wanted to get stoned I laughed, and packed her a bowl Didn't worry me at all But before we got too far She was passed out in the hall So I found my way back home Took a rip of white widow Layed my head on my pillow And I fell asleep alone. |
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03-10-2006, 06:57 PM
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Bone Machine
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 16,788
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I like this one better then the last, I don't really have much to add. But its very good.
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03-10-2006, 07:01 PM
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Here's lookin at you, kid
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: The White Hotel
Posts: 310
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It's clever, and it almost sneers at you. I like it very much. From what I read so far, you're a good writer.
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03-10-2006, 07:22 PM
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Whitewater!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,794
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Awesome man. I don't know what music you'd put with that to keep the good rhyming lyrics as key focus, but it's damn good.
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 Right you lot, shut it. Strewth Fowler my son, all looks a bit pear-shaped round here or what. The govenor's talking, Saturday's game, very dodgy, very naughty, could go a little pear-shaped. If there's a rough things might be well iffy. These faces are a little bit hard, know what I mean, a little bit of oof, have some of that my son, bosh, sorted, ta ta, got me, so be clever. Good, now shut it!
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03-10-2006, 08:51 PM
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infamous nimbus
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 137
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Wow, thanks.
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03-10-2006, 08:54 PM
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a l'amou fou pou tout
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NY
Posts: 378
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i agree with what Crowquill said
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Gotta Problem Wit Me...SOLVE IT..Think Im Trippin...TIE MA SHOE..Cant Face Me..THEN TURN DA FUCK AROUND Though our hands are chained like they are They haven't taken music from us yet So that's how we'll fight We'll never apologize for saying what we feel
Thats like apologizing just for being real |
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