All over the place (lyric, dance, quote, songs, Ching)

TrampInaTux · 04-07-2006, 02:47 PM

We knew this a while ago
but only shared it today
they told us tomorrow
and we predicted it fine
we'll lie beneath the stairs
hands over our ears
we declare war on you
the suburbs of peace

Leave in my will
my last chance
leave in my will
save the last dance
leave in my will
hide from your face
leave in my will
all over the place

My design is unique
although I stay the same
we heard the marching
no words were shared
let's defeat hearts
let's run over hills
I know something new
it makes me feel alive

leave in my will
my last chance
leave in my will
save the last dance
leave in my will
hide from your face
leave in my will
all over the place

Any thoughts?

angel18 · 04-08-2006, 04:23 AM

it's okay not your best though!

TrampInaTux · 04-08-2006, 04:29 AM

I know. This is a muddled version of a song I wrote a while ago that I unfortunately lost.

angel18 · 04-08-2006, 04:32 AM

Don't know how many times I've lost songs that I've written down! but anyway it's good I just think it needs something else to be honest!

DontRunMeOver · 04-08-2006, 05:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hobojesus

We knew this a while ago
but only shared it today
they told us tomorrow
and we predicted it fine
we'll lie beneath the stairs
hands over our ears
we declare war on you
the suburbs of peace

Leave in my will
my last chance
leave in my will
save the last dance
leave in my will
hide from your face
leave in my will
all over the place

My design is unique
although I stay the same
we heard the marching
no words were shared
let's defeat hearts
let's run over hills
I know something new
it makes me feel alive

leave in my will
my last chance
leave in my will
save the last dance
leave in my will
hide from your face
leave in my will
all over the place

I don't quite get what its about, but it sounds ok. Apart from the three lines I've underlined, which are rubbish, rubbish, rubbish. I'd say these three lines, for a chorus which requires something original, are way too cliched. If you're telling a very clear story then maybe you could get away with them, but this lyric is more ambiguous so you could do with words which sound more original and make people think more in the chorus.

TrampInaTux · 04-08-2006, 05:39 AM

I realise about the save the last dance part, it was more of a stop gap before I thought up something better. I don't see the problem with the other two lines though, but hey you're the boss.

DontRunMeOver · 04-08-2006, 05:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hobojesus

I realise about the save the last dance part, it was more of a stop gap before I thought up something better. I don't see the problem with the other two lines though, but hey you're the boss.

Well, that's pretty reasonable. I would say that the other two lines were just a bit weak (they'd be fine in some contexts), whereas the save the last dance part was a bit painful and probably shouldn't be included even if it fitted perfectly!

Crazy Luv · 04-14-2006, 05:51 AM

We knew this a while ago
but only shared it today
they told us tomorrow
and we predicted it fine
we'll lie beneath the stairs
hands over our ears
we declare war on you
the suburbs of peace
shared should be replaced with spoke of
fine should be well or something
we should be they, because saying we'll lie beneath the stairs/hands over our ears is saying you're trying to block it all out, hide away, trying to keep peace, not going against it.

Leave in my will
my last chance
leave in my will
save the last dance
leave in my will
hide from your face
leave in my will
all over the place
chyea...dont get this...

My design is unique
although I stay the same
we heard the marching
no words were shared
let's defeat hearts
let's run over hills
I know something new
it makes me feel alive
this just confused the hell out of me, so im not even going to say anything, but it does seem to need to be fixed up a bit.

edit: shared should be exchanged

leave in my will
my last chance
leave in my will
save the last dance
leave in my will
hide from your face
leave in my will
all over the place
you know what i think about this...

thats it...wow, mmkay...
But yea, i like this

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04-07-2006, 02:47 PM
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,451	All over the place We knew this a while ago but only shared it today they told us tomorrow and we predicted it fine we'll lie beneath the stairs hands over our ears we declare war on you the suburbs of peace Leave in my will my last chance leave in my will save the last dance leave in my will hide from your face leave in my will all over the place My design is unique although I stay the same we heard the marching no words were shared let's defeat hearts let's run over hills I know something new it makes me feel alive leave in my will my last chance leave in my will save the last dance leave in my will hide from your face leave in my will all over the place Any thoughts?

04-08-2006, 04:23 AM
angel18 Music Addict Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 135	it's okay not your best though!

04-08-2006, 04:29 AM
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,451	I know. This is a muddled version of a song I wrote a while ago that I unfortunately lost.

04-08-2006, 04:32 AM
angel18 Music Addict Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 135	Don't know how many times I've lost songs that I've written down! but anyway it's good I just think it needs something else to be honest!

04-08-2006, 05:39 AM
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,451	I realise about the save the last dance part, it was more of a stop gap before I thought up something better. I don't see the problem with the other two lines though, but hey you're the boss.

04-14-2006, 05:51 AM
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 376	We knew this a while ago but only shared it today they told us tomorrow and we predicted it fine we'll lie beneath the stairs hands over our ears we declare war on you the suburbs of peace shared should be replaced with spoke of fine should be well or something we should be they, because saying we'll lie beneath the stairs/hands over our ears is saying you're trying to block it all out, hide away, trying to keep peace, not going against it. Leave in my will my last chance leave in my will save the last dance leave in my will hide from your face leave in my will all over the place chyea...dont get this... My design is unique although I stay the same we heard the marching no words were shared let's defeat hearts let's run over hills I know something new it makes me feel alive this just confused the hell out of me, so im not even going to say anything, but it does seem to need to be fixed up a bit. edit: shared should be exchanged leave in my will my last chance leave in my will save the last dance leave in my will hide from your face leave in my will all over the place you know what i think about this... thats it...wow, mmkay... But yea, i like this __________________ Gotta Problem Wit Me...SOLVE IT..Think Im Trippin...TIE MA SHOE..Cant Face Me..THEN TURN DA FUCK AROUND Though our hands are chained like they are They haven't taken music from us yet So that's how we'll fight We'll never apologize for saying what we feel Thats like apologizing just for being real