sleepy jack

Untitled #1

Let the perverts in and see the magic
Roll that tape and show them the sex scene
Pedophiles and rapists and the like enjoy
Tonight you can embrace your problem

Do you want more? Bring out the the husband
Beating his wife and sexually abusing her
Enjoy her misery this is your moment to shine
I see you're enjoying yourself David the rapist

Do you want to see a special video we save for the worst?
Yeah yeah ya do? Follow me to this private room
Heres a little girl not even 11 year olds being raped
Beaten, and forced have to filmed by a preacher
I believe you reconize Pastor Greg, was he really
Your pastor? Now look closely at the little girl
Reconize her? You want me to turn it off?
Whats the problem you've raped before
Does it makes a difference if its your own daughter?
Did you know this has been going on for years?
Shes been too scared to tell anyone in fear
Of you getting murdered by jesus the preacher
Fed her such lies shes dealt with it everytime
Whats that? You're done with the rape and sexual abuse?
I believe, we've healed you now walk away a new man


Okay, the first one is about a rapist/pedophiles etc...therapy kind of session and they're showing them all these sexual videos and such. And one paticular person was forced to watch his daughter get raped and he like changes his ways..


Untitled #2

Oh give it to me again and touch me like you do
I don't wanna fall in love tonight with you
I just wanna fuck you, call me a whore
But im addicted to sex, and you're just another boy

I can't stop kissing you so undress yourself
Lets finish this now, and get it all over with
I want your body not your heart
I don't wanna fall in love with you I wanna fuck you

I don't think I know how its gonna damage
This poor boys psyche, I just think of the
10 minutes of pleasure he'll give me
Then I can throw him out like yesterdays laundry

But the boy hurts because he grew attached
He wanted to see her again, He liked her alot
He promised to himself he'd never fall in love
But he can't help it, he doesn't know when to call it quits
He loves her, and he can't help it


This is about, well essentially a slut who has sex with a boy who falls in love with her, but she doesn't want that and now he has to deal with the sorrow of it, and it kind of ends funny. I should probaly lengthen it, its like..an unfinished story kind of thing?


Untitled #3

I've made my share of my mistakes before
Believe me i've tried to change, its taking time
Please stay with me through it at all
I need your help I can't do this all on my own
I need your support more then ever before

I messed up again, i'm sorry I broke my promise
Believe me i've tried to change, its taking time
Please stay with me through this all
I need your help I can't do this all on my own
I need your support more then ever before

I realize I push you away and lock myself in these closets
I build walls around me and hide myself in my problems
But I'm screaming for you now and I really need you
I need your help I can't do this all on my own
I need your support more then ever before


Okay, the third one is slightly. Cliche but its some stuff i'm dealing with and basically its trying to put across how I have trouble getting close to people and one person in paticular.


Untitled #4

I don't think i'll ever get you
You mean so much to me,
I can never figure why you forgive me again
Or why we are even together
I don't want to ever leave your side

To think of you leaving scares the hell out of me
I want to be by your side at all times
I thought you loved me as much as I loved you
Guess im not always right

Are you getting second thoughts?
This conversation has gone on too long
Has this relationship gone too far?
I havn't spoken to you in days
I don't know why I yelled at you
I don't know what I was thinking

To think of you leaving scares the hell out of me
I want to be by your side at all times
I thought you loved me as much as I loved you
Guess im not always right

I think of you leaving and I can't imagine
Life without you would be too hard
But you don't wanna talk to me anymore
What choice do I have?


his ones about the well, I dont know but possibly the ending of really important relationship to me and I had to write something about it theres like 390483 other verses on it that i've written this only a couple put into a song.



Okay, last thing these are all rough drafts and really sketchy and probaly have lots of errors and I didn't feel like making four different threads. So just crit all or whichever you like.

__________________
I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses in the closet.

skiesofganymede

Untitled one is very confronting. The way the last chunck of text is written, is very immersive and assuming that the rhythmic scheme and the music fits it, I imagine it will sound very good. However...

...this premise may be a bit problematic. Pedophilia is a word that gets thrown around alot but clinically only applies to people who are only sexually aroused by children. They are more often than not men, who find adult female bodies repulsive. They may decided that these impulses are wrong and undertake various therapies to deal with these inbuilt impulses (and often don't), but the scenario you're proposing would in all likelyhood, be completely useless...even counterproductive.

Rape is a different issue...complex in motivations. May hark back to impulse control problems...is often associated with wanting to asserting power over others.

Just think that the whole song is a really interesting angle, but it could be irresponsible to base it on a flawed premise. Given the reality of paedaphilia though, the story seems to read as a case of anger directed towards the pedaphile by the therapist, the victim, the public, who desperately want them to see how horrific their actions are. The reality is that they may technically "know" what they've done is wrong, but will never be as repulsed by those images as the rest of us are.

The end part: "Whats that? You're done with the rape and sexual abuse?
I believe, we've healed you now walk away a new man"

...it seems really chilling. Like in our quest for a straight forward solution, and our want to shock someone into seeing their horrific actions as we do we've failed in our objective.

I know this isn't what you're going for and I'm sorry to tear appart the premise like that, but I was compelled to give my 2 cents.

either/or

are these hardcore songs? for like metal? cause then they work with the anger in the pedo one.

__________________
Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation

sleepy jack

Yeppers.

So skiesofganymede, basically its bad because I misunderstood the word pedophile?

skiesofganymede

In some ways, yes...but also in another way I think you've tapped into something else...a collective anger towards this kind of person, a desperate wanting for them to see what they've done. My own conclusion is far more cynical than yours.

I just felt that the strongest aspect of your song was that. The writing was so personalized and venom-filled...yeah, emersive. But also, because I disagreed with the premise I was getting that from a different interpretation of the lyrics than you intended. But it certainly isn't bad.