"Revenge" (lyrics, Kiss, songs, Ching)

Juggalo4life88 · 06-10-2006, 12:50 AM

Tell me whether it needs work, or if it's good. I've had alot of things to influence my writing on this. It's still in phase one

Revenge

Eyes in the shadows,watching,plotting.
Waiting for their chance to seek their revenge.
Waiting in silence,plotting with skill.
Only they know the reason they'll avenge.

Given their own Judas Kiss,
Betrayed like the Son.
Anger burns in their souls depths,
Waiting for a chance to attack and be done.

Wrong done unto them
as seen only by their eyes.
Now they'll resist their oppressors
and destroy their wicked lies.

Once were innocent, now consumed by rage.
They will deal their wrath
Leaving their once powerful enemy
left with nothing but aftermath.

ZeppelinAir · 06-10-2006, 12:52 AM

good lyrics, dark and wicked

**sleepy jack** · 06-10-2006, 12:55 AM

The emotion is bad, its like writing out "im angry, grrr" instead of describing while you're actually angry, which is very weak. Its very cliche, all the metaphors, and stuff are just so overdone and lame.

Not to mention the topic is lame. You don't get anything about it, they're oppressed? so? How are they being opressed?

Juggalo4life88 · 06-10-2006, 12:57 AM

Now, like I said, first phase. I never said that was all there was.

~~bungalowbill357~~ · 06-10-2006, 12:58 AM

So if there's more, why not post it?
That is such a played out excuse.

Juggalo4life88 · 06-10-2006, 01:07 AM

I accept all criticism, and to be honost, it doesn't bother me. But i have one question, why is it lame? What if there is a second song to be made. Three Inches Of Blood made three songs to tell a story. Each song was directed at one feeling and scenario. This is like that.

GI germs · 06-10-2006, 08:20 AM

I kind of liked it. the only thing was that it seemed somewhat repetative. Good luck with it, anyways.

Juggalo4life88 · 06-10-2006, 06:18 PM

Thanks GI germs.

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06-10-2006, 12:50 AM
Juggalo4life88 I'm a ****er ain't I.lol Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Bad Axe, MI Posts: 122	"Revenge" Tell me whether it needs work, or if it's good. I've had alot of things to influence my writing on this. It's still in phase one Revenge Eyes in the shadows,watching,plotting. Waiting for their chance to seek their revenge. Waiting in silence,plotting with skill. Only they know the reason they'll avenge. Given their own Judas Kiss, Betrayed like the Son. Anger burns in their souls depths, Waiting for a chance to attack and be done. Wrong done unto them as seen only by their eyes. Now they'll resist their oppressors and destroy their wicked lies. Once were innocent, now consumed by rage. They will deal their wrath Leaving their once powerful enemy left with nothing but aftermath.

06-10-2006, 12:52 AM
ZeppelinAir hahahHAHAHahaha.......ha Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 544	good lyrics, dark and wicked __________________ Little Things "Sittin on a Toilet in a house i dont know, looking all around where the toilet paper go. feeling real uneasy, feeling real uncertain, got to wipe my ass again with a plastic shower curtain" Rodney Carrington-Little Things

06-10-2006, 12:55 AM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,369	The emotion is bad, its like writing out "im angry, grrr" instead of describing while you're actually angry, which is very weak. Its very cliche, all the metaphors, and stuff are just so overdone and lame. Not to mention the topic is lame. You don't get anything about it, they're oppressed? so? How are they being opressed? __________________ You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday.

06-10-2006, 12:57 AM
Juggalo4life88 I'm a ****er ain't I.lol Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Bad Axe, MI Posts: 122	Now, like I said, first phase. I never said that was all there was.

06-10-2006, 12:58 AM
~~bungalowbill357~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Hot-lanta Posts: 2,749	So if there's more, why not post it? That is such a played out excuse.

06-10-2006, 01:07 AM
Juggalo4life88 I'm a ****er ain't I.lol Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Bad Axe, MI Posts: 122	I accept all criticism, and to be honost, it doesn't bother me. But i have one question, why is it lame? What if there is a second song to be made. Three Inches Of Blood made three songs to tell a story. Each song was directed at one feeling and scenario. This is like that.

06-10-2006, 08:20 AM
GI germs punk rock panzy *got Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: black-f****-hole, florida Posts: 57	I kind of liked it. the only thing was that it seemed somewhat repetative. Good luck with it, anyways. __________________ mmmmm....endorphins.

06-10-2006, 06:18 PM
Juggalo4life88 I'm a ****er ain't I.lol Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Bad Axe, MI Posts: 122	Thanks GI germs.