hold me tight (pop, punk, members, quote, songs)

beat_monkey · 07-23-2006, 07:51 AM

baby if you want my loving,
if you want to make things right.
i ask you,
hold me tight.

hold me, hold me tight,
its only me baby.
dont get a fright,
just hold me tight.

when i came to see you,
i had to come out in the pouring rain.
when a knocked upon your door,
you opened up and fell to the floor.

baby if you want my loving,
if you want to make things right.

it work in progress i know so if anyone has any comments or if they have an idea for the pyrics id really appreciate it.

Raine · 07-23-2006, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beat_monkey

baby if you want my loving,
if you want to make things right.
i ask you,
hold me tight.

hold me, hold me tight,
its only me baby.
dont get a fright,
just hold me tight.

when i came to see you,
i had to come out in the pouring rain.
when I knocked upon your door,
you opened up and fell to the floor.

baby if you want my loving,
if you want to make things right.

The third line in your second stanza must done away with.

That whole ''baby if you want my loving" thing . . . seems awkward.
Maybe it's me and the whole english as a second language thing. i just can't imagine me myself saying it. . . . I just don't like it.

beat_monkey · 07-23-2006, 09:53 AM

i guess ill re write it then

beat_monkey · 07-23-2006, 09:58 AM

ill get that fixed

beat_monkey · 07-23-2006, 10:00 AM

by the way wats a stanza?

Raine · 07-23-2006, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beat_monkey

by the way wats a stanza?

A stanza is a paragraoh. the term is most often used when talking about poetry or songs, and some other topics I'm sure.

And I don't think the entire song should be re written. I just don't think it sounds right. Mostly in part because when I say these words in my head they don't sound right to me.

Crowe · 07-23-2006, 11:33 PM

I'm not sure what you expect us to say about this song... really... there are no deep seeded emotions, no investment into an enriched vocabulary, lack of song writing knowledge all around. I think you might want to stick around a little bit longer and take in some of the stuff other members are writing...

I can see this as a 2 minute pop punk song. That doesn't make it good. Go look at some other people's songs real quick.

**sleepy jack** · 07-24-2006, 03:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crowe

Go look at some other people's songs real quick.

Not only that, just general get involved in this whole forum, read crits learn from peoples mistakes. You'll grow as a writer in doing so, that sounded so fucking cheesy...we should make a songwriting tips thread at some point.

beat_monkey · 07-24-2006, 03:25 AM

awryt lets forget i ever wrote that ok?

**sleepy jack** · 07-24-2006, 03:26 AM

Aha, its fine.
When I started out I sucked.

"lets slit our wrists and cry, were all just living to die"

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07-23-2006, 07:51 AM
beat_monkey Groupie Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: scotland Posts: 39	hold me tight baby if you want my loving, if you want to make things right. i ask you, hold me tight. hold me, hold me tight, its only me baby. dont get a fright, just hold me tight. when i came to see you, i had to come out in the pouring rain. when a knocked upon your door, you opened up and fell to the floor. baby if you want my loving, if you want to make things right. it work in progress i know so if anyone has any comments or if they have an idea for the pyrics id really appreciate it.

07-23-2006, 09:53 AM
beat_monkey Groupie Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: scotland Posts: 39	i guess ill re write it then __________________ those of you in the cheap seats clap to this one, the rest of you just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon

07-23-2006, 09:58 AM
beat_monkey Groupie Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: scotland Posts: 39	ill get that fixed __________________ those of you in the cheap seats clap to this one, the rest of you just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon

07-23-2006, 10:00 AM
beat_monkey Groupie Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: scotland Posts: 39	by the way wats a stanza? __________________ those of you in the cheap seats clap to this one, the rest of you just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon

07-23-2006, 11:33 PM
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chicago/St. Louie Posts: 726	I'm not sure what you expect us to say about this song... really... there are no deep seeded emotions, no investment into an enriched vocabulary, lack of song writing knowledge all around. I think you might want to stick around a little bit longer and take in some of the stuff other members are writing... I can see this as a 2 minute pop punk song. That doesn't make it good. Go look at some other people's songs real quick. __________________ My silly experimental band: www.myspace.com/boyfromthestarsmusic

07-24-2006, 03:25 AM
beat_monkey Groupie Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: scotland Posts: 39	awryt lets forget i ever wrote that ok? __________________ those of you in the cheap seats clap to this one, the rest of you just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon

07-24-2006, 03:26 AM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,561	Aha, its fine. When I started out I sucked. "lets slit our wrists and cry, were all just living to die" __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.