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09-01-2006, 09:30 PM
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Groupie
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 4
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Bring Her Back
hey guys this is a song a wrote about my mother who passed away 4 years ago..its one of my first songs so im wondering what other ppl think of the lyrics and if anyone has any tips or suggestions feel free.
-Bring Her Back- She was only 35 when she left that day I couldnt believe a thing As i seen all the years pass in my head how could this happen to her i sat in the car and looked out the window i lowered my head then started to wish Can you bring her back for one more day im not ready to let her go i just want to ask for this one wish so will you please bring her back for one more day Sometimes when i feel like im alone ill lower my head and say how have you been now i know she cant be right here beside me but i know that shes watching me Can you bring her back for one more day im not ready yet to let her go i just want to ask for this one wish so will you please bring her back for one more day Can you bring her back for one more day im not ready yet to let her go i just want to ask for this one wish so will you please bring her back for one more day © 2005 - 2006 Cody Finck |
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09-04-2006, 10:05 PM
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Negative Creep
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: At a lake. For now.
Posts: 520
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The first stanza needs just a little tweaking. The chorus is great though, so overall I like it.
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09-04-2006, 11:19 PM
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Bone Machine
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 17,218
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It would be nice if you described why/how she left, cause that piece is pretty boring and it lacks emotion. It just seems like your typical "oh im sad" kind of thing.
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You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday. |
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09-05-2006, 12:11 AM
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Music Addict
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: new jersey
Posts: 51
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its kind of bland... but what you have isn't bad, just find a way to spice it up a little bit, cause its a tad bit dull
"i lowered my head then started to wish" -i dont like this, i think you should change it, possibly pray? i dont like how you use wish in that line |
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09-05-2006, 01:57 AM
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The Randomness
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: romania.. shut up
Posts: 897
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My rims never spin, to the contrary
You'll find that they're quite stationary. |
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09-05-2006, 02:49 PM
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Bone Machine
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 17,218
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Quote:
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You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday. |
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09-06-2006, 04:58 PM
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Needle In The MB Haystack
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Missouri, USA
Posts: 1,490
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09-06-2006, 05:00 PM
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Bone Machine
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 17,218
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Quote:
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You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday. |
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09-06-2006, 05:01 PM
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Everyone Does Everything.
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: coastal plain North Carolina
Posts: 4,396
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Subject and structure are fine. The wording is boring.
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you should be ashamed to be so proud of what you got
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09-06-2006, 05:03 PM
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Needle In The MB Haystack
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Missouri, USA
Posts: 1,490
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