As The Rose Dies The Fake Rise (Kiss, Horn)

**sleepy jack** · 09-04-2006, 02:55 PM

A blackened flower, a rose that lost its thorns,
Dead, its lost all its flaws, its kill joys,
Living, the blood trickled down my finger forlorn,
Is it cause i'll never be like those blue eyed boys?
The pretty ones that make you smile,
Make my hurt seem lesser, make it all worthwhile,
But I suppose you gotta get your kicks somehow,
Fuck me anyhow,
I'll never be good enough for you.

I replaced my muddy gardeners glove with empty bottles,
As unhealthy roots dug into our flower,
Tainted it and swallowing the life from our former bloom,
In my own fear, I let the love get devoured,
And the rain occasionally came,
But it was nothing without water,
As raindrops fall on a dead leaf,
I swear to you again, those lovers meant nothing to me.

You can claim it was some sort of improvement,
That they built over our rose with black bricks,
You can call it beautiful, its a great movement,
But to me that mall is fake and lacks natures touch,
As the passionate kiss is made on the conveyor belt
And the subtle love and small hints are no more then
Dollar bought tokens, I can see this is ending now,
Its killing me, as you're taking up with my enemies.

**LesPaul43** · 09-04-2006, 03:06 PM

Well, the first stanza seems super emo, and the rest of it is good..its not on par with your best stuff..but its still pretty good.

**sleepy jack** · 09-04-2006, 03:08 PM

Yeah, its a bit weaker & not the best i've written, this was kind of an expierment.

IrishWhiskey · 09-04-2006, 09:04 PM

"That they built over our rose with black bricks" ... i like that

"I replaced my muddy gardeners glove with empty bottles", "Dollar bought tokens, I can see this is ending now".. i didn't care for those lines particularly

its not bad.. better than a lot of other authors stuff, but i think its subpar to some of your other work

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09-04-2006, 02:55 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,373	As The Rose Dies The Fake Rise A blackened flower, a rose that lost its thorns, Dead, its lost all its flaws, its kill joys, Living, the blood trickled down my finger forlorn, Is it cause i'll never be like those blue eyed boys? The pretty ones that make you smile, Make my hurt seem lesser, make it all worthwhile, But I suppose you gotta get your kicks somehow, Fuck me anyhow, I'll never be good enough for you. I replaced my muddy gardeners glove with empty bottles, As unhealthy roots dug into our flower, Tainted it and swallowing the life from our former bloom, In my own fear, I let the love get devoured, And the rain occasionally came, But it was nothing without water, As raindrops fall on a dead leaf, I swear to you again, those lovers meant nothing to me. You can claim it was some sort of improvement, That they built over our rose with black bricks, You can call it beautiful, its a great movement, But to me that mall is fake and lacks natures touch, As the passionate kiss is made on the conveyor belt And the subtle love and small hints are no more then Dollar bought tokens, I can see this is ending now, Its killing me, as you're taking up with my enemies. __________________ You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday.

09-04-2006, 03:06 PM
LesPaul43 Bring da Ruckus Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: British Columbia Posts: 3,988	Well, the first stanza seems super emo, and the rest of it is good..its not on par with your best stuff..but its still pretty good. __________________ Life's not a bitch life is a beautiful woman You only call her a bitch because she won't let you get that pussy Maybe she didn't feel y'all shared any similar interests When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold

09-04-2006, 03:08 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,373	Yeah, its a bit weaker & not the best i've written, this was kind of an expierment. __________________ You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday.

09-04-2006, 09:04 PM
IrishWhiskey Music Addict Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: new jersey Posts: 51	"That they built over our rose with black bricks" ... i like that "I replaced my muddy gardeners glove with empty bottles", "Dollar bought tokens, I can see this is ending now".. i didn't care for those lines particularly its not bad.. better than a lot of other authors stuff, but i think its subpar to some of your other work