Another work-in-progress (lyrics, instrumental, quote, band, song)

DontRunMeOver · 09-21-2006, 03:03 AM

Posting it here to force myself to finish it. No prizes for guessing what its about.

HE NEVER THOUGHT TO ASK

Just one night
That was what he told himself
It was just one night

Just one time
Fun without responsibility
It was just one time

So men will be boys
Leaving women, destroyed
Carrying the awful truth
Of a child, created
Concieved, then deleted
While he never even knew

Trampled in her bloom
By shame inside her womb
Life, ripped from inches below her heart
He didn't wonder why those texts
Were more frantic than the rest
He never thought to ask

**sleepy jack** · 09-21-2006, 09:26 PM

Damn

Its like, great. 'Cause its really powerful, and not like crazy complicated or anything like that.
Are you gonna record it? Though it seems like it would be a really short song..

DontRunMeOver · 09-22-2006, 02:33 AM

Well, it would be another verse, another bridge, repeat of the same chorus, then an instrumental mid-section and then finishing with a chorus, so it would actually be about 3 minutes in total, not too short.

I'm going to record it once I've got the lyrics sorted for the other verse and chorus.

The problems is, I've pretty much summed up what I wanted to say in the verse, bridge and chorus that I've got here and now have to think of what to write about in the other verse and bridge.

And subject-wise, I'm glad you caught the power in it, because this one kind of comes from experience. I know two different girls who have both told me about how they got pregnant and the guy wouldn't return their initial phonecalls or texts... hence, the guy never knew that he actually had a child for a brief moment, before the girl had it aborted. And in both cases it was the guy's own fault, because he wouldn't even allow a dialogue with the girl.

Aha, I think maybe that could be the subject of the other verse?

**sleepy jack** · 09-22-2006, 11:44 AM

I'd use it as the subject of the other verse, it would work & add alot.

**right-track** · 09-22-2006, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DontRunMeOver

Well, it would be another verse, another bridge, repeat of the same chorus, then an instrumental mid-section and then finishing with a chorus, so it would actually be about 3 minutes in total, not too short.

I'm going to record it once I've got the lyrics sorted for the other verse and chorus.

The problems is, I've pretty much summed up what I wanted to say in the verse, bridge and chorus that I've got here and now have to think of what to write about in the other verse and bridge.

And subject-wise, I'm glad you caught the power in it, because this one kind of comes from experience. I know two different girls who have both told me about how they got pregnant and the guy wouldn't return their initial phonecalls or texts... hence, the guy never knew that he actually had a child for a brief moment, before the girl had it aborted. And in both cases it was the guy's own fault, because he wouldn't even allow a dialogue with the girl.

Aha, I think maybe that could be the subject of the other verse?

Or you could really rip open the subject, by including the unborn child's perspective.
A bit surreal, but even more powerful, all the same.

I really like the subjects you tackle in your songwriting DRMO.
Always varied.

CityLightsLikeRain · 09-22-2006, 01:45 PM

This is really good. Obviously, I'm not the greatest lyricist....but I think this one is really well done.

sainthood · 09-22-2006, 03:04 PM

I like it, man. And the lyrics.... I agree with 'em.

Nice work./ What instruments do ya play....and ya gotta band?

DontRunMeOver · 09-22-2006, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by right-track

Or you could really rip open the subject, by including the unborn child's perspective.

I couldn't really do that, because it'd all become a bit pro-life then and I ain't down with that. To me, an undeveloped but foetus is not really any more a person than the seperate sperm and egg were to begin with, which means that I'd have to write as if the foetus had a consciousness, which I don't think it does... so in a sense I'd end up writing fiction, which I don't want to do.

Sainthood, check out www.myspace.com/jodileeparker .

On the player you can hear me singing lead vocals, backing vocals and playing guitar and on the video further down I'm the lead singer. That answers your question.

DontRunMeOver · 09-22-2006, 05:18 PM

On a similar subject, I just found this by accident.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BBC News

...Doctors in Bangladesh say they have removed a long-dead foetus from the abdomen of a teenage boy who was complaining of stomach pains.
They said the foetus would have become the boy's twin had it grown normally in their mother's womb...

...In April, 2003, doctors at Chimkent Children's Hospital in Kazakhstan discovered the dead foetus of a twin brother when operating on a seven-year-old boy.

The foetus had developed into a tumour but was found to have hair, nails and bones...

If anybody wants a subject to use for some gruesome metal style??? Hair, nails and bones? Yeurrrrgh!!

swim · 09-23-2006, 02:38 PM

This is really good. If your band is selling a demo or album or something let me now, I'll buy it.

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09-21-2006, 09:26 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,218	Damn Its like, great. 'Cause its really powerful, and not like crazy complicated or anything like that. Are you gonna record it? Though it seems like it would be a really short song.. __________________ You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday.

09-22-2006, 11:44 AM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,218	I'd use it as the subject of the other verse, it would work & add alot. __________________ You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday.

09-22-2006, 01:45 PM
CityLightsLikeRain Sunsetter Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Detroit, MI Posts: 1,059	This is really good. Obviously, I'm not the greatest lyricist....but I think this one is really well done. __________________ ...I think I ate your chocolate squirrel...

09-22-2006, 03:04 PM
sainthood VILLAGE IDIOT Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Vancouver, Canada Posts: 47	I like it, man. And the lyrics.... I agree with 'em. Nice work./ What instruments do ya play....and ya gotta band? __________________ My 5 Favorite Bands of All Time: The Clash, Rage Against the Machine, Wu-Tang Clan, The Who, The Beatles WHERE ELSE AM I IN THE INTERNET?

09-23-2006, 02:38 PM
swim Everyone Does Everything. Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: coastal plain North Carolina Posts: 4,396	This is really good. If your band is selling a demo or album or something let me now, I'll buy it. __________________ you should be ashamed to be so proud of what you got