Rot At The Heart (A Fathers Love) (house, rock, hands)

**sleepy jack** · 12-03-2006, 03:53 PM

Rot At The Heart (A Fathers Love)

I walked by our old house today with the broken rocking chair still there, sitting by twelve steps you would never take and the shattered windows, the shards like that of broken dream, an old man looked at me, with a look of pity on his face. "that old shack is gonna fall, the structure is damned and theres a rot at the heart"

I use to keep a picture of us by the bedside table, despite my distaste for you it would sit next to a picture of her where the sun could set it on fire, you were smiling and looked loving, like an STD so free and disgusting, we stood infront of the shack soon to rot at the heart.

You looked so handsome in that picture i'll admit, everyone is amazed at our similar smiles but I knew a different you, you'd be there strung out on the couch, so much for a father, when your dumb son finds your stuff puts it in his blood, becomes a shooting star riding on the midnight sky, clouded eyes riding shotgun on the bathroom floor, with a rot at the heart.

You were the only father I ever knew, but there was a rot at your heart.

bruise_violet · 12-04-2006, 09:55 AM

omg i love it (L)

oojay · 12-04-2006, 10:11 AM

its really good. does the "12 steps" line have a special meaning?

**sleepy jack** · 12-04-2006, 10:13 AM

Yeah, the father wouldn't get help with his alcoholicism.

Raine · 12-04-2006, 09:12 PM

I like it and see the symbolism.
However, I think you should change some of the word choices in the first paragraph. It seems to follow a different pattern than the other paragraphs

**sleepy jack** · 12-05-2006, 12:01 AM

Which word choices?

Added a new intro.

Alo · 12-05-2006, 02:15 AM

Who is the old man in the beginning, and where does he come from? It seems like a random stranger creeps up on you an tells you this.

**sleepy jack** · 12-05-2006, 03:45 AM

I'll make it more descriptive I see what you mean i'll explain it till then.

Its meant to be like the kid goes up and looks at his old house and an old man gardening or mowing or whatever thats a next door neighbor walks up and tells him because the boys been staring for awhile. Alot of old people i've dealt with do that sort of thing.

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12-03-2006, 03:53 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,572	Rot At The Heart (A Fathers Love) Rot At The Heart (A Fathers Love) I walked by our old house today with the broken rocking chair still there, sitting by twelve steps you would never take and the shattered windows, the shards like that of broken dream, an old man looked at me, with a look of pity on his face. "that old shack is gonna fall, the structure is damned and theres a rot at the heart" I use to keep a picture of us by the bedside table, despite my distaste for you it would sit next to a picture of her where the sun could set it on fire, you were smiling and looked loving, like an STD so free and disgusting, we stood infront of the shack soon to rot at the heart. You looked so handsome in that picture i'll admit, everyone is amazed at our similar smiles but I knew a different you, you'd be there strung out on the couch, so much for a father, when your dumb son finds your stuff puts it in his blood, becomes a shooting star riding on the midnight sky, clouded eyes riding shotgun on the bathroom floor, with a rot at the heart. You were the only father I ever knew, but there was a rot at your heart. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

12-04-2006, 09:55 AM
bruise_violet we became a carcass! Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 359	omg i love it (L) __________________ in love with the stumps, in love with the bleeding! in love with the pain that you now feel...

12-04-2006, 10:13 AM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,572	Yeah, the father wouldn't get help with his alcoholicism. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

12-04-2006, 09:12 PM
Raine Full-Time Hellion Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: PA Posts: 1,502	I like it and see the symbolism. However, I think you should change some of the word choices in the first paragraph. It seems to follow a different pattern than the other paragraphs __________________ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

12-05-2006, 12:01 AM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,572	Which word choices? Added a new intro. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

12-05-2006, 02:15 AM
Alo Scarf Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 718	Who is the old man in the beginning, and where does he come from? It seems like a random stranger creeps up on you an tells you this. __________________ I rocked my shoelaces untied

12-05-2006, 03:45 AM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,572	I'll make it more descriptive I see what you mean i'll explain it till then. Its meant to be like the kid goes up and looks at his old house and an old man gardening or mowing or whatever thats a next door neighbor walks up and tells him because the boys been staring for awhile. Alot of old people i've dealt with do that sort of thing. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.