these tears are'nt for decoration (my girlfriends a whore) (lyrics, country)

beat_monkey · 12-19-2006, 02:59 PM

you left me for another guy,
without a trace of guilt.
our love was just a lie,
and i just want to die.

i lie on this freezing ground,
crying more and more.
these tears arent for decoration,
my girlfriends a whore.

you were with him long enough,
you carried on your bluff.
i wished i had'nt found out,
and avoided this painful bout.

i lie here wishing to dissapear,
to carry this burden no more.
these tears are'nt for decoration,
my girlfriends a whore.

this is the only song i could find and a was modifying it as i went along

**sleepy jack** · 12-19-2006, 03:07 PM

Wow.
Just wow this sucked.
Its cliched, the rhyming is forced and a fine example of just a poorly written song.

either/or · 12-20-2006, 03:15 AM

i vomited in my mouth. sorry

bruise_violet · 12-20-2006, 05:07 AM

haha I imagined this to a cheesy country&western style tune

beat_monkey · 12-22-2006, 06:35 PM

i did actually force the ryhme and it was a 5 min ****ty job.

Blain · 12-22-2006, 07:12 PM

Reminds me of P!ATD. Lol

Alo · 12-22-2006, 07:23 PM

Everyone is sheiting on it, Iw would usually too... But I'll cut you some slack and give some tips.

you left me for another guy,
without a trace of guilt.
our love was just a lie,
and i just want to die.

You get mad at her, and then you are sad. If she didn't like you anymore, why should she show guilt? And if she has done wrong, why die yourself? Try adding more syllabeled words. Not just babys-first-words, if you get what I mean.

i lie on this freezing ground,
Why the **** are you laying on a freezing ground? It's a cliche metaphor for pain, and it simply doesn't work.

crying more and more.
This doesn't even sound like correct English, where is the emotion? This is just observation of a situation as a child would do it.

these tears arent for decoration,
I somehow like this line, if only the rest of the lyrics were good, it could work!

my girlfriends a whore.
She just didn't like you anymore, that doesn't make her a whore. Pick, mad, or sad. Not mixture, you have to be consequent darling.

you were with him long enough,
you carried on your bluff.
This doesn't make sense, bluff? How is her being with another guy bluff?

i wished i had'nt found out,
and avoided this painful bout.
Again, you change emotion, you get mad, and sad, and now desperate to be naive. How would not nowing make her less a whore, or make you feel better in the long run?

i lie here wishing to dissapear,
Ok, yeah, use a line used in 193242900 other songs why don't you?

to carry this burden no more.
She did wrong, you didn't. It's not a burden for you.

The song basically sucks, but maybe if you try better next time?

beat_monkey · 12-26-2006, 09:09 AM

no she really was a whore. all this happened to me so i put it to pen and paper. i was lying on the freezing grounsd in a rainstorm. thanks for the tips and ill try and rework it.

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12-19-2006, 02:59 PM
beat_monkey Groupie Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: scotland Posts: 39	these tears are'nt for decoration (my girlfriends a whore) you left me for another guy, without a trace of guilt. our love was just a lie, and i just want to die. i lie on this freezing ground, crying more and more. these tears arent for decoration, my girlfriends a whore. you were with him long enough, you carried on your bluff. i wished i had'nt found out, and avoided this painful bout. i lie here wishing to dissapear, to carry this burden no more. these tears are'nt for decoration, my girlfriends a whore. this is the only song i could find and a was modifying it as i went along __________________ those of you in the cheap seats clap to this one, the rest of you just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon

12-19-2006, 03:07 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,584	Wow. Just wow this sucked. Its cliched, the rhyming is forced and a fine example of just a poorly written song. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

12-20-2006, 03:15 AM
either/or Don't think twice Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: A basement on the hill Posts: 379	i vomited in my mouth. sorry __________________ Painstaking devotion and love Surrendered to self preservation From others who care for themselves A blindness that touches perfection But hurts just like anything else Isolation, isolation, isolation

12-20-2006, 05:07 AM
bruise_violet we became a carcass! Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 359	haha I imagined this to a cheesy country&western style tune __________________ in love with the stumps, in love with the bleeding! in love with the pain that you now feel...

12-22-2006, 06:35 PM
beat_monkey Groupie Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: scotland Posts: 39	i did actually force the ryhme and it was a 5 min **ty job. __________________ those of you in the cheap seats clap to this one, the rest of you just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon**

12-22-2006, 07:12 PM
Blain w0rd Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Suva, Fiji Posts: 1,032	Reminds me of P!ATD. Lol

12-22-2006, 07:23 PM
Alo Scarf Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 718	Everyone is sheiting on it, Iw would usually too... But I'll cut you some slack and give some tips. you left me for another guy, without a trace of guilt. our love was just a lie, and i just want to die. You get mad at her, and then you are sad. If she didn't like you anymore, why should she show guilt? And if she has done wrong, why die yourself? Try adding more syllabeled words. Not just babys-first-words, if you get what I mean. i lie on this freezing ground, Why the ** are you laying on a freezing ground? It's a cliche metaphor for pain, and it simply doesn't work. crying more and more. This doesn't even sound like correct English, where is the emotion? This is just observation of a situation as a child would do it. these tears arent for decoration, I somehow like this line, if only the rest of the lyrics were good, it could work! my girlfriends a whore. She just didn't like you anymore, that doesn't make her a whore. Pick, mad, or sad. Not mixture, you have to be consequent darling. you were with him long enough, you carried on your bluff. This doesn't make sense, bluff? How is her being with another guy bluff? i wished i had'nt found out, and avoided this painful bout. Again, you change emotion, you get mad, and sad, and now desperate to be naive. How would not nowing make her less a whore, or make you feel better in the long run? i lie here wishing to dissapear, Ok, yeah, use a line used in 193242900 other songs why don't you? to carry this burden no more.** She did wrong, you didn't. It's not a burden for you. The song basically sucks, but maybe if you try better next time? __________________ I rocked my shoelaces untied

12-26-2006, 09:09 AM
beat_monkey Groupie Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: scotland Posts: 39	no she really was a whore. all this happened to me so i put it to pen and paper. i was lying on the freezing grounsd in a rainstorm. thanks for the tips and ill try and rework it. __________________ those of you in the cheap seats clap to this one, the rest of you just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon