sleepy jack

Androsaces Never Grow In Eskridge

Slide your hand across smooth skin and rest it on my heart, I love you weaving through our lips as we sit in this field alone, so beautiful and dry, like the tinder before the bonfire.

My fingers so timid, asking for love but scared to touch you, to touch a star watching in awe in the dark, I keep staring at you, ignorning the celestial dances and shooting stars, I watch you in awe.

Was it love or simple fun? My limbs became nothing more then trinkets to you, and my words twice as trite, kiss me under dancing skies and let our love fly, under an ash sky.

__________________

swim

I can't find anything to fix other than a few typos.
I love you weaving through our lips as we sit in our this field alone
the trinkets to you


It's well written and worded and everything. It just seems to be more of the same from you.

__________________

sleepy jack

Fixed, its meant to be basically similar to a bunch of love songs i've written. I'm meaning for my next 3 poems to be the last ones i'm going to write about my ex. My friend Ana says it'll be hella therapeutic and it sort of is.

__________________

Crowe

Yeah. Try to branch out or something. While what you write IS well written, I always know what to expect. I want to be surprised... you don't want to be a one trick pony, ya know? I feel like I'm reading the same story, over and over, with a new set of vocabulary words.

__________________

My silly experimental band:

www.myspace.com/boyfromthestarsmusic

sleepy jack

I realize that and its basically what I want to achieve with this particular piece.

__________________