The Lonesome Burial Of Clayton Dugan (Religious, artist)

**sleepy jack** · 01-02-2007, 03:43 PM

The Lonesome Burial Of Clayton Dugan

Its getting hard to see with in this darkening light one more shovel full of dirt falls on a simple casket crafted by an artist of the end.

I killed this man not so long ago and then buried him in this fucking land, he wasn't religious, but he believed everything had a spirit, that kept a sparkle in its eye, and felt guilt with each lie, I buried my faith in this land, right on top of this fucking man.

I see his eyes every now and again, in the haze of another drunken fight and hes only a ghost now, and though he haunts me I keep him at bay, and one more shovel full of dirt and i'll be done.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 01-02-2007, 10:50 PM

Line breaks. C'mon man. C'MON! Good first line/verse though. The second fuck is excessive. If you put fucking before man, that could work though. Next part isn't bad.

It'll be a long night to sleep all alone, and I am not as complex as I pretend, I am just a simple man, my fathers son.

Burying his demons
one
by
one.
^ Are you kidding me? Take it out.

**sleepy jack** · 01-02-2007, 10:52 PM

line breaks are for pussies.

*takes out those parts*, I still like a sort of a poetic punchline to finish it off. Ill think up one tonight or tomorrow.

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01-02-2007, 03:43 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,373	The Lonesome Burial Of Clayton Dugan The Lonesome Burial Of Clayton Dugan Its getting hard to see with in this darkening light one more shovel full of dirt falls on a simple casket crafted by an artist of the end. I killed this man not so long ago and then buried him in this fucking land, he wasn't religious, but he believed everything had a spirit, that kept a sparkle in its eye, and felt guilt with each lie, I buried my faith in this land, right on top of this fucking man. I see his eyes every now and again, in the haze of another drunken fight and hes only a ghost now, and though he haunts me I keep him at bay, and one more shovel full of dirt and i'll be done. __________________ You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday.

01-02-2007, 10:52 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,373	line breaks are for pussies. takes out those parts, I still like a sort of a poetic punchline to finish it off. Ill think up one tonight or tomorrow. __________________ You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday.