Paper Bottle (ambient, quote, memories, song, Hang)

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 01-02-2007, 11:12 PM

Ya'll gotta stop hatin' on the homeless.

Paper Bottle

Walking on a darkened corner,
I had my bottle in a brown paper bag.
Every morning, you kick me off “your” bench.
You won’t even let me keep my blanket. Just last year’s newspaper.
You yell at me to get a job.

Some spare change, is all I ask for.
Surely you’ve got it.
And you say, not so you can get drunk.
But this bottle is all I’ve ever had.
And a few dollars here and there.

I lay on the street,
As wasted as the trash I’m in.
I curl up on the bags, cold on this city summer night.
Thrill-seeking teenagers pick me up, and bring me into an alley.
Beating me to punch-drunk pieces.

The bottle hits me in the face,
A bullet punches through my hollow skin.
And unlike you, I’ve got no memories to think of in my last moments.
So I think of the city sky, it does look so darkly beautiful.
I’ve a warm heart, and a cold body as I die.

**sleepy jack** · 01-02-2007, 11:13 PM

Get a job you lazy bitch!

Crowe · 01-03-2007, 06:20 AM

YES! Until the end verse where you write...

Quote:

it does look so darkly beautiful.

Ohmy, it's so weak compared to the rest of the song! And, I don't know if you've ever looked up at a city sky... but it is far from beautiful (now, when I think city, I think of where I've lived... Atlanta, St. Louis, Chicago) it is full of light... but that may not always necessarily be the case - but you know how they say you can't see the stars in a city because of the ambient light? Well there ya go. Please, please do something with this line, go in a different direction.

Alo · 01-03-2007, 06:24 AM

I like it, though I don't mind the citysky line. I think it's an only grasp a homeless who has to sleep outside has in dark nights. It might not be beautiful in appearance, but his/her only ''memory'' or comfort.

Though I could be completely wrong.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 01-03-2007, 12:58 PM

I'll assume that was a joke Crowquill. And Crowe, Alo is right.

**sleepy jack** · 01-03-2007, 02:06 PM

It was...

/not funny

oojay · 01-03-2007, 03:14 PM

It makes me feel bad for the homeless

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 01-03-2007, 03:33 PM

You should feel bad for the homeless they're...homeless. Makes sense, eh? Later. Bass lesson time. Woofunkinghoo!

Crowe · 01-04-2007, 03:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PaperHurricanesAndPlanes

I'll assume that was a joke Crowquill. And Crowe, Alo is right.

Ah, well I am not the resident authority on the homeless here at MB, so I should step down for this one.

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01-02-2007, 11:13 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,550	Get a job you lazy bitch! __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

01-03-2007, 06:24 AM
Alo Scarf Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 718	I like it, though I don't mind the citysky line. I think it's an only grasp a homeless who has to sleep outside has in dark nights. It might not be beautiful in appearance, but his/her only ''memory'' or comfort. Though I could be completely wrong. __________________ I rocked my shoelaces untied

01-03-2007, 02:06 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,550	It was... /not funny __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.