PaperHurricanesAndPlanes

Ya'll need to start pizzosting a little mizzore. Ya'll making me feel greedy puttin' all my shizizz up in hizzere. But seriously. You make me feel greedy.
:-( this piece has a companion piece I'll post up later, called Politics That Eradicate...oh snap.

Any religious people who are just going to get indignant about how I don't pray to your invisible man, don't post. CONSTRUCTIVE criticism only. Alright, without further ado, I bring to you...

Religion That Eradicates

God’s grace demands you be elected, so why do we vote?
Who dare oppose the alleged omnipotent?
The unwritten commandment, read “Thou shalt not bear free thought.”
Embossed upon a separate gray stone, on a different mountain.
Where no one was watching, lightning struck, and wrote like a pen.
What God demands, God gets.
Rebellions are scorned and blown apart from the gut out.
God before government, no. God is government.

The newest testament, is tattered and obsolete.
Christ lost Christianity in a five card draw,
To the vengeful, and voracious. The religious belongings returned,
But still unity was lost in a fit of anger.
The Judaic buildings became mere nightlights for the holy and right.
Women turn to aphrodisiacal objects to be used by the usurper.
Men became the just food, with radiating crosshairs,
Painted carefully on their chest by an omnipotent calligraphist.

Christ-like thinking and men, died on the crucifix on that day.
Sweetie, antediluvian is the word. Honey, obsolete is the word.
Read without any regard for veracity, preach without practice.
Know without knowledge, dictate art and politics, blindly without validity.
Televangelists and assumed morals, just pure mockery of Christ.
Christ’s expression looks depressed and disappointed.
Nothing he said ever wed with the beliefs which they hold.
If this were a card game, you’d be smart to fold.
Damned and neglected, this is the epitaph with which we canonize him;
“The man who doomed and destroyed our distraught souls.”

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I said: I'm fucking the Prime Minister Of Spain.

sleepy jack

There is sooo many brilliantly done lines in this my favorites are

"Who dare oppose the alleged omnipotent?", that part really like jumps out at me for some reason.

"Christ lost Christianity in a five card draw," its just like, amazing and because its true as hell.

"Read without any regard for veracity, preach without practice." see above comment.

"pure mockery of Christ.", also greatt. It reminds me of that that thing Ghandi set about liking your christ but not your christians.

I don't have any problems with it really, I love it. One of my favorite pieces by you, I love the message to it.

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I dyed my hair in a motel void met the coroner at the Dreamgate Frontier,
He took my hand said I'll help you boy if you really want to disappear.

oojay

Why has this forum become so anti-christian?

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sleepy jack

__________________
I dyed my hair in a motel void met the coroner at the Dreamgate Frontier,
He took my hand said I'll help you boy if you really want to disappear.

DontRunMeOver

This is generally very good. I really like the line "Nothing he said ever wed with the beliefs which they hold" and think this should be the end line so perhaps you could lose the last three lines of the piece. Or at least get rid of the "if this was a card game, you'd be smart to fold" line.

I'm not sure about what the phrase
"Christ-like thinking and men, died on the crucifix on that day.
Sweetie, antediluvian is the word. Honey, obsolete is the word."
means, as:
1. Most people won't know what the word antediluvian means (I had to look it up)
2. It's quite a bizarre word to use here where within that sentence you've stripped it of context and you could be meaning it is outdated/antiquated or you could be referring to the features of the antidiluvian, pre-flood biblical period i.e. heretical behaviour (the type wot gets you drownded by Mr/Mrs God), which has perhaps been taken up again in modern times?

If you're referring to the period during which christ lived as 'antediluvian', then that's a very bad choice of word as the word already directly relates to a completely different part of the bible. I really can't tell if you are!

That's a very picky bit, what I'm saying is that the little phrase there requires a bit of thought but is then a letdown because it turns out to be more flawed than first expected. The rest of it is excellent.

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To listen to my music click this link - WWW.MYSPACE.COM/JODILEEPARKER

cardboard adolescent

Of the few things I've read in this forum, probably one of the best. Some great lines, no tired cliches, I'm not sure how it would flow in the context of an actual song, but if you could get it to work you've got some pretty good lyrics. Oojay's parody kind of falls flat on its ass.

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PaperHurricanesAndPlanes

It's a poem, so, no worries about singing it. It's not Anti-Christian, Oojay. It's anti-religious war. Get your head out of Pat Robertson's as$.

I'm not anti-Christian, however, if I based my opinion solely on the days I've spent on this forum with you, I could positievely say all Christians are moronic a$$holes. However, since I believe in, you know, science, and scientific studies, I'll take in a larger sample than just one child on a forum.

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I said: I'm fucking the Prime Minister Of Spain.