What Life Could He Have? (house, Kurt Cobain, Kiss, American)

Loser · 01-26-2007, 07:59 PM

What Life Could He Have?

A young boy confused about his life
Mom and dad kicked him out on the street
Walking around alone as usual
The streetlights beam brighter tonight than ever before
His shadow following him every step of the way
He's not sure where he's going, all he knows is it's far away from home
It amazes me the will of instinct
An instinct that never wore off
Moveing from home to home, city to city
Trying to find somewhere he belongs
Trying to find the family he never had
Roads all lead to a destination
Who knows where it might be
He's made a home for himself
In his own little world
A world safe from the horrors of his broken home
A broken home where he was caught in the middle
And feel threw the cracks
Desending into the great abyss
The home that pushed him away
The home he ran from every day
Was the same home that took his life
All the years running and hideing
Searching for what he lost
Searching for what he Desperately needed
Cost him his life
The same parents that pushed him away
Now Apologizing over their sons coffin
Never going to see their little boy again
The last kiss goodbye, all those years wasted away
It takes something like death for people to realize
How selfish they acted
It's a shame that moment didn't come sooner.

Suggestions needed badly. Please!!!

Crowe · 01-26-2007, 08:22 PM

This reminds me a lot of my own writing actually. A story with characters we will for, a tragic ending - a gloomy message. nice.

skindredluver · 01-26-2007, 09:37 PM

I really like that just the way it is!

ZeppelinAir · 01-27-2007, 03:20 AM

it has a pretty good image to it and it has some unique lines in it too, i like it

sleepy jack · 01-27-2007, 03:32 AM

Fix the ending, if you can't think of something better just word it better. I mean that really really sucks that that happen, and you say its just a shame? I'd consider it a goddamn heartbreaking look at a domestic problem that seems to happen quite frequently in american households.

It was alright, its nice to see a new user post a song that is actually good for once.

Loser · 01-27-2007, 09:11 PM

Thanks

. I should try to fix the end I'll see what I come up with

Moon Pix · 02-11-2007, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loser

It amazes me the will of instinct

Kurt Cobain.

Loser · 02-11-2007, 02:42 PM

Correct

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01-26-2007, 07:59 PM
Loser The Professor Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: New York City Posts: 1,138	What Life Could He Have? What Life Could He Have? A young boy confused about his life Mom and dad kicked him out on the street Walking around alone as usual The streetlights beam brighter tonight than ever before His shadow following him every step of the way He's not sure where he's going, all he knows is it's far away from home It amazes me the will of instinct An instinct that never wore off Moveing from home to home, city to city Trying to find somewhere he belongs Trying to find the family he never had Roads all lead to a destination Who knows where it might be He's made a home for himself In his own little world A world safe from the horrors of his broken home A broken home where he was caught in the middle And feel threw the cracks Desending into the great abyss The home that pushed him away The home he ran from every day Was the same home that took his life All the years running and hideing Searching for what he lost Searching for what he Desperately needed Cost him his life The same parents that pushed him away Now Apologizing over their sons coffin Never going to see their little boy again The last kiss goodbye, all those years wasted away It takes something like death for people to realize How selfish they acted It's a shame that moment didn't come sooner. Suggestions needed badly. Please!!! Last edited by Loser : 01-26-2007 at 08:27 PM.

01-26-2007, 08:22 PM
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chicago/St. Louie Posts: 727	This reminds me a lot of my own writing actually. A story with characters we will for, a tragic ending - a gloomy message. nice. __________________ My silly experimental band: www.myspace.com/boyfromthestarsmusic

01-26-2007, 09:37 PM
skindredluver Im Just As Sweet!!!:) Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: america Posts: 584	I really like that just the way it is! __________________ Let them live in the stillness and know the flame. They will loose all and give all.. Boys are like lava lamps: fun to look at but not so bright Coffee, chocolate and men, some things are just better rich

01-27-2007, 03:20 AM
ZeppelinAir hahahHAHAHahaha.......ha Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 545	it has a pretty good image to it and it has some unique lines in it too, i like it __________________ Little Things "Sittin on a Toilet in a house i dont know, looking all around where the toilet paper go. feeling real uneasy, feeling real uncertain, got to wipe my ass again with a plastic shower curtain" Rodney Carrington-Little Things

01-27-2007, 03:32 AM
sleepy jack dance music Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 17,763	Fix the ending, if you can't think of something better just word it better. I mean that really really sucks that that happen, and you say its just a shame? I'd consider it a goddamn heartbreaking look at a domestic problem that seems to happen quite frequently in american households. It was alright, its nice to see a new user post a song that is actually good for once. __________________ I dyed my hair in a motel void met the coroner at the Dreamgate Frontier, He took my hand said I'll help you boy if you really want to disappear.

01-27-2007, 09:11 PM
Loser The Professor Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: New York City Posts: 1,138	Thanks . I should try to fix the end I'll see what I come up with

02-11-2007, 02:42 PM
Loser The Professor Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: New York City Posts: 1,138	Correct __________________ "It's just so fuckin' weird. You write about this shit, and you're suddenly the spokesman for a fuckin' generation,...... Any generation that would pick Kurt or me as its spokesman -- that must be a pretty fucked up generation, don't you think?"