It Can Silence The Loudest Explosion (house, show, Hang)

Loser · 01-31-2007, 06:03 PM

It Can Silence The Loudest Explosion

I stand outside of your bedroom
Listening to every word
The once subtle argument turned into a fight rather quickly
I heard every yell and every curse flood out of your mouth's
I can't help but to think is this my fault?what have I done?
All the tension can be felt from where I stand
It can silence the loudest explosion with freight
It's like clock work one parent storms out of the room and out of the house
I watch the car back away and leave
I begin to cry the tears that they should've saw
The tears that would show them how much it hurts
To wake up in the middle of the night listening to the comotion
Often wondering if I was going to see them again
The tears that I held back for way to long
Should've shown that day
One parent left in the house
If I shed a tear would things be alright
I wish the world would stop spinning so I can get off
The argument of the century was long and drawn out
All I want is a family, nothing more..........
I hear a car come up the drive-way
It's the missing piece of this family
Next time the tears will flow down my cheek
So they'll see it not only hurts them it also hurts me
I'm tired of playing this game of life
Life can be so cruel but yet so intriguing
But when it hit's soo close to home
You wonder.....

**sleepy jack** · 01-31-2007, 06:05 PM

Alot of these lines are cliche, others are pretty good.

"I begin to cry the tears that they should've saw
The tears that would show them how much it hurts"

That was just awful, change it.

Stu · 01-31-2007, 06:07 PM

its ok, BUT, to me its far too wordy. Room for improvement nice foundation.

Kevorkian Logic · 01-31-2007, 06:11 PM

you might want to consider like boxing or something to get out all your excess emotions. It's a bit too emo.

I agree it's cliche at parts, "I'm tired of playing this game of life." that is painful to read.

Stu · 01-31-2007, 06:15 PM

'cliche' when used in poetry makes me laugh, talking about love and tears is frowned upon yet talking about blooms and the moon is perfectly acceptable.

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01-31-2007, 06:03 PM
Loser The Professor Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: New York City Posts: 1,141	It Can Silence The Loudest Explosion It Can Silence The Loudest Explosion I stand outside of your bedroom Listening to every word The once subtle argument turned into a fight rather quickly I heard every yell and every curse flood out of your mouth's I can't help but to think is this my fault?what have I done? All the tension can be felt from where I stand It can silence the loudest explosion with freight It's like clock work one parent storms out of the room and out of the house I watch the car back away and leave I begin to cry the tears that they should've saw The tears that would show them how much it hurts To wake up in the middle of the night listening to the comotion Often wondering if I was going to see them again The tears that I held back for way to long Should've shown that day One parent left in the house If I shed a tear would things be alright I wish the world would stop spinning so I can get off The argument of the century was long and drawn out All I want is a family, nothing more.......... I hear a car come up the drive-way It's the missing piece of this family Next time the tears will flow down my cheek So they'll see it not only hurts them it also hurts me I'm tired of playing this game of life Life can be so cruel but yet so intriguing But when it hit's soo close to home You wonder..... __________________ "It's just so fuckin' weird. You write about this shit, and you're suddenly the spokesman for a fuckin' generation,...... Any generation that would pick Kurt or me as its spokesman -- that must be a pretty fucked up generation, don't you think?"

01-31-2007, 06:05 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,218	Alot of these lines are cliche, others are pretty good. "I begin to cry the tears that they should've saw The tears that would show them how much it hurts" That was just awful, change it. __________________ You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday.

01-31-2007, 06:07 PM
Stu Be like a squirrel Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: London, England Posts: 3,134	its ok, BUT, to me its far too wordy. Room for improvement nice foundation. __________________ This is me. http://www.myspace.com/limbodwelling Good evening i unzipped my skin thankfully unscrewed my head exactly as i always do when i prepare myself for bed and while i slept this co-co came as naked as could be he put on the skin and screwed on the head that once belonged to me

01-31-2007, 06:11 PM
Kevorkian Logic Ya Wanna Trip? Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 919	you might want to consider like boxing or something to get out all your excess emotions. It's a bit too emo. I agree it's cliche at parts, "I'm tired of playing this game of life." that is painful to read. __________________ She was laughing like crazy at the trouble I'm in Her light eyes were dancing she is insane Schizophrenia is taking me home

01-31-2007, 06:15 PM
Stu Be like a squirrel Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: London, England Posts: 3,134	'cliche' when used in poetry makes me laugh, talking about love and tears is frowned upon yet talking about blooms and the moon is perfectly acceptable. __________________ This is me. http://www.myspace.com/limbodwelling Good evening i unzipped my skin thankfully unscrewed my head exactly as i always do when i prepare myself for bed and while i slept this co-co came as naked as could be he put on the skin and screwed on the head that once belonged to me