Confused (fan, quote, talent, Hang)

skindredluver · 02-02-2007, 08:46 PM

I dont want to stay here anymore
I really cant tell you how I feel
Cause i know youll take it wrong
I have nothing else to confess
I already got it all off my chest
It hurts me more and more every day
Not quite sure if im gonna go away
I cant stand this pain anymore
Its really getting old
Your yelling and screaming
All the things ruined
Nothing survives our fights
For some reason i wish
I could make up my mind

Wow it really sucks!

I changes it a l;ittle but its still gae

Sneer · 02-02-2007, 08:49 PM

yeah it does

Loser · 02-02-2007, 08:50 PM

It's not bad I like a couple of lines it was alright just try to make it more abstract or make it like a story sort of, that helps alot.

ZeppelinAir · 02-02-2007, 08:50 PM

its catchy, and it doesnt suck, needs a bit of work though

skindredluver · 02-02-2007, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stu

yeah it does

Thanx

Sneer · 02-02-2007, 08:52 PM

it needs a lot of work, im a fan of very short poems but this doesnt make the cut for me. your not the worst i've seen though

Loser · 02-02-2007, 08:53 PM

Who is the worst everyone here has some talent it'll be hard to see who's the worst.

ZeppelinAir · 02-02-2007, 08:53 PM

im the worst

swim · 02-02-2007, 08:55 PM

^you've gone a long way though.

I hate broad statements with nothing behind them in poems. That's what's wrong with this. It's a bunch of broad ideas. There's nothing personal or unique or about it.

Sneer · 02-02-2007, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loser

Who is the worst everyone here has some talent it'll be hard to see who's the worst.

im not talking about this forum, i've seen many more poems than what people post on here.

02-02-2007, 08:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
skindredluver Im Just As Sweet!!!:) Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: america Posts: 570	Confused I dont want to stay here anymore I really cant tell you how I feel Cause i know youll take it wrong I have nothing else to confess I already got it all off my chest It hurts me more and more every day Not quite sure if im gonna go away I cant stand this pain anymore Its really getting old Your yelling and screaming All the things ruined Nothing survives our fights For some reason i wish I could make up my mind Wow it really sucks! I changes it a l;ittle but its still gae __________________ Let them live in the stillness and know the flame. They will loose all and give all.. Boys are like lava lamps: fun to look at but not so bright Coffee, chocolate and men, some things are just better rich Last edited by skindredluver; 02-03-2007 at 10:43 AM.

02-02-2007, 08:49 PM	#2 (permalink)
Sneer Let it drip Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 5,430	yeah it does __________________ LastFM Sneer's Emporium of Sound Fright Team radio show

02-02-2007, 08:50 PM	#4 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	its catchy, and it doesnt suck, needs a bit of work though __________________ not that old signature

02-02-2007, 08:52 PM	#6 (permalink)
Sneer Let it drip Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 5,430	it needs a lot of work, im a fan of very short poems but this doesnt make the cut for me. your not the worst i've seen though __________________ LastFM Sneer's Emporium of Sound Fright Team radio show

02-02-2007, 08:53 PM	#8 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	im the worst __________________ not that old signature

02-02-2007, 08:50 PM	#3 (permalink)
Loser The Professor Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: New York City Posts: 1,113	It's not bad I like a couple of lines it was alright just try to make it more abstract or make it like a story sort of, that helps alot.

02-02-2007, 08:53 PM	#7 (permalink)
Loser The Professor Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: New York City Posts: 1,113	Who is the worst everyone here has some talent it'll be hard to see who's the worst.

02-02-2007, 08:55 PM	#9 (permalink)
swim dontcareaboutyou Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: North Carolina Posts: 5,188	^you've gone a long way though. I hate broad statements with nothing behind them in poems. That's what's wrong with this. It's a bunch of broad ideas. There's nothing personal or unique or about it. __________________ http://nakednaps.bandcamp.com/

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