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Music Addict
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 65
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Hmm,even though it was edited by my music/english teacher... well, gotta find a new editor then...
Although I've never failed english even though it was my second language.... unless I wrote it as ASL!!! XD
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all the songs I've Wrotes cames from experiences from the past, present and future. Last edited by Kyren Tsunami : 02-11-2007 at 05:50 PM. |
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The Professor
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York City
Posts: 1,138
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To many errors and I couldn't find a good flow or any type of flow in it. I really couldn't pin point the style you have, like most people here use the list style. There are millions of other styles and the one you used isn't any style I remember or any good, just the structure and the grammer need work but other than that I like the ideas you had.
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"It's just so fuckin' weird. You write about this shit, and you're suddenly the spokesman for a fuckin' generation,...... Any generation that would pick Kurt or me as its spokesman -- that must be a pretty fucked up generation, don't you think?" |
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Pepper Emergency!
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 480
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Whatever. I think it's impressive she could write a poem in a second languague, regardless of everything else. While it's not great there must have been a pretty solid amount of effort involved. Keep workin' at it Kyren.
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"Caffeine is so ridiculous right now." RZA "****ing broke my sitar, mother****er." Anton Newcombe
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hahahHAHAHahaha.......ha
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: somewhere in Michigan
Posts: 544
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to write in a second language is somthing, it does need work but keep it up
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Little Things "Sittin on a Toilet in a house i dont know, looking all around where the toilet paper go. feeling real uneasy, feeling real uncertain, got to wipe my ass again with a plastic shower curtain" Rodney Carrington-Little Things |
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Music Addict
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 65
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well it's in Japanese style of who I admire, the Band group called "Lucifer" write this type of style, well I just some follow the style but but made in different topic as my own, like an example of the lucifer's lyric that is written in thier style:
"Suite Spot" Draw back the curtain, you're our 8 o'clock shadow we've all gathered to watch, so many stories below as your palm and your breastbone slap against the window I pray it would let go and you'd fly I could catch you in the crunch of shattered glass your body, mine at last instead you mock me and you moan like a whore as you stare down the city from the very top floor this lyric was written by Mayu Shino, the lyricist and the manga writer for the lucifer so I believe that stummer521 and Stu are correct though, after I've listen plenty of their songs and I read their lyrics too which I got interest in them, though I've read quite some lyrics they have and it's got me into writing their style.... which is mean I got Mayu shino's style!? XD by the way Stummer521, I'm a guy, not a girl though, sorry to tell you lol
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all the songs I've Wrotes cames from experiences from the past, present and future. |
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