TrampInaTux

I can only cross my fingers when I see your plastic body,
from behind my cigarette I quite possibly look disturbed
but I tell you this, and this is a fact, it's not out of fright
it's simply due to how much of my heart you are worth
forever seemed so dirty, so strange and so absurd
now I can't get up in the morning without hearing that ****ing word...
I stretch out of this vocabulary and rest upon a glance,
take my hand and turn away from them all you've gotta take a chance.

If you never feel the burn of the risk of the world
I tell you, girl, you'll never succeed
If you never understand how a plan is beyond bland
then you shall never ever feel free

She keeps her mind on her laurels, though they go against my morales,
but her hair looks quite nice today so I'll just carry on regardless
in front of the stage, we all stand in a line, with our hairspray hair, looking quite divine,
products wearing products, no respect for our forefathers
yet nothing quite crosses through to you, when you haven't got much that you can do,
so you settle for the streets and the night

If you never feel the burn of the risk of the world
I tell you, girl, you'll never succeed
If you never understand how a plan is beyond bland
then you shall never ever feel free

Optimism gets you nowhere, activity is half the war
(half the war you could've won)
half the war I could've won.

sleepy jack

"forever seemed so dirty, so strange and so absurd" = gold. I like it.

__________________
I dyed my hair in a motel void met the coroner at the Dreamgate Frontier,
He took my hand said I'll help you boy if you really want to disappear.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes

This doesn't make sense. It's too big, and makes no sense. The overall plot isn't very clear, nor is the point of the poem/lyric. Clear it up.

__________________

I said: I'm fucking the Prime Minister Of Spain.

TrampInaTux

^^ I like him.

Strummer521

Then why don't you marry him? Or at least ask him to a matinee.

__________________

swim

Or you could ask him to a manatee.




It's a bunch of well written lines kind just slabbed together. I agree with phap.

__________________

Strummer521

"products wearing products, no respect for our forefathers"

This is an interesting line, in that a listener could read a lot into it beneath the surface, and at the same time it's conveying a pretty direct message.

"it's simply due to how much of my heart you are worth"

I like this very much. Unique way to say something that's been said a lot already.

"If you never feel the burn of the risk of the world
I tell you, girl, you'll never succeed
If you never understand how a plan is beyond bland
then you shall never ever feel free"

Tossing girl into the middle of a line will never feel anything but cliched at this point. It reeks of pop-cheese. And "how a plan is beyond bland" is expressing a solid (if overused) concept in a way that's as corny as a field on the side of the highway in Pennsylvania. I can't explain why.

"She keeps her mind on her laurels, though they go against my morales"
I could see this in a Dresden Dolls song, it's theatrical and kind of funny. Though it might make more sense to say she keeps my mind on her laurels.

There are as many throwaway lines here as there are minor gems. But then, a great many songs written by respected professionals are like that. The only thing I don't understand is how the verses relate to the chorus. They don't seem quite relevant to each other. Maybe you could explain the connection a bit and it'll make more sense to me...

__________________

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes

Either you were being sarcastic...or...I don't know, because I pretty much trashed your piece, and you say you like me. I like going to manatees. Lol.

__________________

I said: I'm fucking the Prime Minister Of Spain.

TrampInaTux

Nono, I'm not realy being sarcastic.

I did like this one though so I'm a little bit crushed, but, at least somebody's criticising something now. Even though in a couple of weeks you'll probably really annoy me so much with you criticism that I'll stop writing songs on this bloody forum


EDIT: Oh and also, I don't understand how you can't really understand this... it's just about youth... y'know, young love, going out.... stuff I've wrote about before...