Collecting the Dead (lyrics, beatles, member, quote, memory)

Crowe · 02-11-2007, 10:53 PM

Inspired by me actually seeing this happen in the early mornings of Chicago winters... enjoy.

Collecting the Dead

I see things that you pay not to see,
I am walking through the frostbitten city,
Early in the steel light of an urban morning.
My life is not so extraordinary yet,
I have to be the man that no man should be.
For I am the collector of the dead.
They are frozen in positions of cold memory,
The homeless population of the City of Wind.
When I see them, tears are frozen to their cheeks,
Their last words are unbearable to speak,
Coughing in pain before their last sleep.

I see things that you pay not to see,
I am crying in the frostbitten city,
Early in the steel light of an urban morning.
Their blue colored features are always the same,
Eyes open in terror, people without a name.
With their hands in the shape of a claw,
They scratch at their faces when they are numb.
Their lips are cracked showing crimson lines,
From them screaming into the unforgiving air.
When I see them, they are frozen to the street,
Their last words are unbearable to speak,
Gasping for breath, before their last sleep.

And so the story goes year after year,
Maybe next time, someone like me will find me here.
Looking up at him through ice eyes frozen in fear.
He'll shake me until he's sure that I'm gone,
But the job will get to him, it won't take long.
And so the story goes year after year,
Millions of people are dying out here,
So when you look out of your window and,
You see me shaking in the wind,
Read my lips and remember when,
My last words are unbearable to speak,
Finally finding warmth in my last sleep.

R. Crowe

**sleepy jack** · 02-11-2007, 10:54 PM

Jeeez =( sad

ZeppelinAir · 02-11-2007, 10:59 PM

deep...........at least to me anyway

Strummer521 · 02-11-2007, 11:11 PM

The way the lines and stanzas are structured is aesthetically pleasing. You might try using some figurative language.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 02-11-2007, 11:18 PM

Figuritive language is overrated. This is perfection.

Strummer521 · 02-12-2007, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PaperHurricanesAndPlanes

Figuritive language is overrated.

Personally I find poetry more interesting when it's not completely straightforward. If you're not gonna be a bit subtle, it might make more sense to write prose.

Crowe · 02-12-2007, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Strummer521

Personally I find poetry more interesting when it's not completely straightforward. If you're not gonna be a bit subtle, it might make more sense to write prose.

These are lyrics to a song I've written, not a stand alone poem. Although, some people might argue that lyrics are just poems set to music (although, the means are sometimes contrasting to the end variably)... in that case: All poetry does not deal with figurative language, and not all GOOD poetry deals with figurative language - so instead of applying that personal preference to all of your poetic encounters - and then telling people what makes "sense", perhaps you might go out and broaden your poetic horizon? I'm not saying this out of ignorance or spite mind you, but in fact - prose and verse (and all it entails) happens to be my field of study. "Sense" you might find in retrospect is not the best word to be throwing around (here, especially). Thank you for taking the time to read my piece.

PS.
And just so my words are not without merit, I'll point you to a couple of songs that you may or may not know that have little/no figurative language and tell a story without much subtlety:

Bob Dylan - The Hurricane
Alkaline Trio - Clavicle
The Beatles - Penny Lane

Strummer521 · 02-12-2007, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crowe

perhaps you might go out and broaden your poetic horizon?

I said it might make more sense, might meaning not always and varying based on individual situation. And granted, I'm a big fan of Bukowski who's about as direct as they come. But he's got panache. He's very creative in his presentation. This poem like a straightforward distillation of facts. Iwas just making a suggestion I thought might spice up the presentation (and make us think a bit as we read) and I was bothered by the guy who called figurative language overrated, since it's one of the most important things in Literature (a big part of what separates it from didactic prose) and I was trying to defend my opinion on fig. language in general more than dissing your poem.

Where do you study literature BTW? (just curious).

skindredluver · 02-12-2007, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZeppelinAir

deep...........at least to me anyway

I agree that was freakin awsome!I wish I could write like that!

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02-11-2007, 10:53 PM
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chicago/St. Louie Posts: 690	Collecting the Dead Inspired by me actually seeing this happen in the early mornings of Chicago winters... enjoy. Collecting the Dead I see things that you pay not to see, I am walking through the frostbitten city, Early in the steel light of an urban morning. My life is not so extraordinary yet, I have to be the man that no man should be. For I am the collector of the dead. They are frozen in positions of cold memory, The homeless population of the City of Wind. When I see them, tears are frozen to their cheeks, Their last words are unbearable to speak, Coughing in pain before their last sleep. I see things that you pay not to see, I am crying in the frostbitten city, Early in the steel light of an urban morning. Their blue colored features are always the same, Eyes open in terror, people without a name. With their hands in the shape of a claw, They scratch at their faces when they are numb. Their lips are cracked showing crimson lines, From them screaming into the unforgiving air. When I see them, they are frozen to the street, Their last words are unbearable to speak, Gasping for breath, before their last sleep. And so the story goes year after year, Maybe next time, someone like me will find me here. Looking up at him through ice eyes frozen in fear. He'll shake me until he's sure that I'm gone, But the job will get to him, it won't take long. And so the story goes year after year, Millions of people are dying out here, So when you look out of your window and, You see me shaking in the wind, Read my lips and remember when, My last words are unbearable to speak, Finally finding warmth in my last sleep. R. Crowe __________________ My silly experimental band: www.myspace.com/boyfromthestarsmusic

02-11-2007, 10:54 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,244	Jeeez =( sad __________________ You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday.

02-11-2007, 10:59 PM
ZeppelinAir hahahHAHAHahaha.......ha Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 544	deep...........at least to me anyway __________________ Little Things "Sittin on a Toilet in a house i dont know, looking all around where the toilet paper go. feeling real uneasy, feeling real uncertain, got to wipe my ass again with a plastic shower curtain" Rodney Carrington-Little Things

02-11-2007, 11:11 PM
Strummer521 Pepper Emergency! Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 480	The way the lines and stanzas are structured is aesthetically pleasing. You might try using some figurative language. __________________ "Caffeine is so ridiculous right now." RZA "**ing broke my sitar, motherer." Anton Newcombe**

02-11-2007, 11:18 PM
PaperHurricanesAndPlanes Bad motherfücker Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: In The Realms of Poetry Posts: 520	Figuritive language is overrated. This is perfection. __________________ Say what again motherfucker, I double dare you, say what one mo' goddamned time!