Anniversary In Minor (bling, title, tune, quote, song)

A_Perfect_Sonnet · 02-15-2007, 12:46 AM

Ben Stivers
2/15/07

Anniversary In Minor

On the air tonight, my voice
Is a bird that cannot sing
Or carry out the phrase.
Turning the sky from night into day.

All I said was,
"Here is the key I am not."

I stood against a fire
And felt the warmth build to
An inevitable letdown of
An empty tune carried by a song.

All I said was,
"You are the sea I am draught."

My hands have laced this frame a hundred times.
Maybe I lack the understanding.
These arms have already died.

All I said was,
"You are the dawn I am dusk."

chickendude · 02-15-2007, 01:06 AM

Wtfx With The Title?

sleepy jack · 02-15-2007, 02:41 AM

youshouldrecordz this stuff nig.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 02-15-2007, 11:05 AM

The calling your voice a bird should be removed. It wasn't interesting, and went nowhere. Other than that, pretty kick ass.

right-track · 02-15-2007, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PaperHurricanesAndPlanes

The calling your voice a bird should be removed. It wasn't interesting, and went nowhere.

I thought it did.

Ah...the heralding of the silent exchange of a new day.

Edit: ignore me...I'm rambling.

Crowe · 02-15-2007, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by A_Perfect_Sonnet

Ben Stivers
2/15/07

Anniversary In Minor

On the air tonight, my voice
Is a bird that cannot sing
Or carry out the phrase.
Turning the sky from night into day.

All I said was,
"Here is the key I am not."

Does not fit the analogies presented in the rest of the piece

I stood against a fire
And felt the warmth build to
An inevitable letdown of
An empty tune carried by a song.

Is let down synonymous with cold?

All I said was,
"You are the sea I am draught."

My hands have laced this frame a hundred times.
Maybe I lack the understanding.
These arms have already died.

This is where I lack understanding. When did your arms come into the picture, I thought the weakness stemmed from the voice? What's going on here?

All I said was,
"You are the dawn I am dusk."

Hm?

02-15-2007, 12:46 AM	#1 (permalink)
A_Perfect_Sonnet Dinosaurus Rex!!! Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Winchester, VA Posts: 896	Anniversary In Minor Ben Stivers 2/15/07 Anniversary In Minor On the air tonight, my voice Is a bird that cannot sing Or carry out the phrase. Turning the sky from night into day. All I said was, "Here is the key I am not." I stood against a fire And felt the warmth build to An inevitable letdown of An empty tune carried by a song. All I said was, "You are the sea I am draught." My hands have laced this frame a hundred times. Maybe I lack the understanding. These arms have already died. All I said was, "You are the dawn I am dusk."

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02-15-2007, 01:06 AM	#2 (permalink)
chickendude Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 230	Wtfx With The Title?