I Made A Promise (country, title, quote, Ching)

**sleepy jack** · 03-04-2007, 12:38 AM

Is the subjectwayy too obvious?

To Forget Your Namesake.

The cracked glass around your heart,
Revealed barely any light to spill onto the ground,
And when that final tiny drop of flame hit the sand,
It was just washed away in the evening waves.

So if I wrote you a letter from the otherside,
Would you even bother to read it or just leave it for that tide
To sweep away? So all the whys and confusion,
Are nothing more then silhouettes against a night sky.

And now I raise my head to an empty sky,
And watch the sun begin to cry,
Its light reaching out to touch my face,
And its as if the heavens wanted to erase,
A Letter that spoke of wishes never granted,
Nothing more then a child's fantasy to keep him enchanted.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 03-04-2007, 12:54 AM

You started a poem with and. Screw you. Title sucks. The imagery is nice, but spread it out a little, use a few less adjectives and focus a bit more on wtf you're talking about. And get on AIM, you n00bzor.

EDIT: You...rhymed. And it blew.

**sleepy jack** · 03-04-2007, 01:04 AM

/fixes title.

I'm so starting all my poems with And just to piss you off.

~~TheUsedToolguy~~ · 03-04-2007, 12:57 PM

Why the hell is most, if not all poetry so vague, whenever I read poetry I try to interpret it first for myself, then once that fails, I try to see what it could have possibly meant to the author:

Quote:

And now I raise my head to an empty sky,
And watch the sun begin to cry,

Watch the sun begin to cry?
What does that mean, it just seems like filler to me. It seems like ever since the hippie-era in this country came along, a lot of people are just saying whatever they want, and I'm all for it, but people not only get away w/ not making sense, they actually get praised for it, and if you don't get it, it's just because 'you're not groovy enough, man' So Crowquill, if you care to elaborate, did you have anything in mind when you wrote that line, is it a metaphor for something, or did you just think it sounded cool and thought you could get away w/ it?

**sleepy jack** · 03-04-2007, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheUsedToolguy

Why the hell is most, if not all poetry so vague, whenever I read poetry I try to interpret it first for myself, then once that fails, I try to see what it could have possibly meant to the author:

Watch the sun begin to cry?
What does that mean, it just seems like filler to me. It seems like ever since the hippie-era in this country came along, a lot of people are just saying whatever they want, and I'm all for it, but people not only get away w/ not making sense, they actually get praised for it, and if you don't get it, it's just because 'you're not groovy enough, man' So Crowquill, if you care to elaborate, did you have anything in mind when you wrote that line, is it a metaphor for something, or did you just think it sounded cool and thought you could get away w/ it?

Yeah its called imagery, if you're going to quote something and say it makes no sense at least quote the complete thing.

And now I raise my head to an empty sky,
And watch the sun begin to cry,
Its light reaching out to touch my face,

I'm raising my head and I look at the sky and I see the sun and its lights begin to reach out or "cry" and shine on my face

~~TheUsedToolguy~~ · 03-04-2007, 02:41 PM

hey, I think you're a pretty decent writer, I just don't know what the heck most poetry means, but now that whole last paragraph seems to make some sense, thx.

ZeppelinAir · 03-04-2007, 04:59 PM

i like it, has very clear picture with.

TUTG, have you ever heard of Imagination, try using it to paint a picture in your head. then it will become more clear. i thought it made perfect sence, but thats just me

~~TheUsedToolguy~~ · 03-04-2007, 05:36 PM

well, maybe you have a more artistic mind than I do, I tend to read a lot of nonfiction, so I think more logically than artistically, but I do appreciate art, so I was just wondering where the inspiration for some of the verses came from, if it was all just made up, or if the artist meant something by it.

ZeppelinAir · 03-05-2007, 12:18 AM

oh ok i see what you mean, i tend to be one of those people who are mezmerized by fantasy and such

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03-04-2007, 12:38 AM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,580	I Made A Promise Is the subjectwayy too obvious? To Forget Your Namesake. The cracked glass around your heart, Revealed barely any light to spill onto the ground, And when that final tiny drop of flame hit the sand, It was just washed away in the evening waves. So if I wrote you a letter from the otherside, Would you even bother to read it or just leave it for that tide To sweep away? So all the whys and confusion, Are nothing more then silhouettes against a night sky. And now I raise my head to an empty sky, And watch the sun begin to cry, Its light reaching out to touch my face, And its as if the heavens wanted to erase, A Letter that spoke of wishes never granted, Nothing more then a child's fantasy to keep him enchanted. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

03-04-2007, 01:04 AM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,580	/fixes title. I'm so starting all my poems with And just to piss you off. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

03-04-2007, 02:41 PM
~~TheUsedToolguy~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Joplin, MO Posts: 482	hey, I think you're a pretty decent writer, I just don't know what the heck most poetry means, but now that whole last paragraph seems to make some sense, thx.

03-04-2007, 04:59 PM
ZeppelinAir hahahHAHAHahaha.......ha Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 544	i like it, has very clear picture with. TUTG, have you ever heard of Imagination, try using it to paint a picture in your head. then it will become more clear. i thought it made perfect sence, but thats just me __________________ Little Things "Sittin on a Toilet in a house i dont know, looking all around where the toilet paper go. feeling real uneasy, feeling real uncertain, got to wipe my ass again with a plastic shower curtain" Rodney Carrington-Little Things

03-04-2007, 05:36 PM
~~TheUsedToolguy~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Joplin, MO Posts: 482	well, maybe you have a more artistic mind than I do, I tend to read a lot of nonfiction, so I think more logically than artistically, but I do appreciate art, so I was just wondering where the inspiration for some of the verses came from, if it was all just made up, or if the artist meant something by it.

03-05-2007, 12:18 AM
ZeppelinAir hahahHAHAHahaha.......ha Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 544	oh ok i see what you mean, i tend to be one of those people who are mezmerized by fantasy and such __________________ Little Things "Sittin on a Toilet in a house i dont know, looking all around where the toilet paper go. feeling real uneasy, feeling real uncertain, got to wipe my ass again with a plastic shower curtain" Rodney Carrington-Little Things