Trees Growing From Cliff Faces (track, Ching)

A_Perfect_Sonnet · 03-08-2007, 03:26 PM

Ben Stivers
3/8/07

Trees Growing From Cliff Faces

See me going up the path,
You tried your best to take my hand
Like toy cars, on a track.
You tried your best,
To guide me back.

Watching ocean swells.
This bluff is nothing more than air.
I dove for miles
With nothing there.

Mourn for me,
And I will call for you.
We can trace a line,
A rope, a spindle of silk.
I will comfort you,
As your eyes close,
Mine will too.

enemyat_thesix · 03-09-2007, 12:54 AM

I'd punctuate the last three lines as follows:

I will comfort you;
as your eyes close,
mine will, too.

Oh, and I really like it.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 03-09-2007, 02:33 PM

You've done better, Benny.

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03-08-2007, 03:26 PM
A_Perfect_Sonnet Dinosaurus Rex!!! Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Winchester, VA Posts: 891	Trees Growing From Cliff Faces Ben Stivers 3/8/07 Trees Growing From Cliff Faces See me going up the path, You tried your best to take my hand Like toy cars, on a track. You tried your best, To guide me back. Watching ocean swells. This bluff is nothing more than air. I dove for miles With nothing there. Mourn for me, And I will call for you. We can trace a line, A rope, a spindle of silk. I will comfort you, As your eyes close, Mine will too.

03-09-2007, 02:33 PM
PaperHurricanesAndPlanes Bad motherfücker Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: In The Realms of Poetry Posts: 506	You've done better, Benny. __________________ Say what again motherfucker, I double dare you, say what one mo' goddamned time!