Same Old Beats, Old Slum Streets (lyric, cover, show, guitar)

**sleepy jack** · 03-21-2007, 05:28 PM

Same Old Beats, Old Slum Streets

I bring myself to rise and I walk to the streets
And listen to my feet crack the water underneath
My steps, as I watch the clouds slowly surround the sun
And bring it down, to prove the brightest stars eventually burn out.

these dead brown eyes and broken chords
are all I ever brought you,
and they remain hollow to your ears
and empty to your love.

And though this ink has dried you try and change
The words we made, but ange all you can do is cover them
They're too dry to wipe away,

thats the first half, it just sort of came out and I didn't wanna write a next verse since it wouldn't have come the same way? I don't know, the brown eyes verse is going to be the chorus. I'm thinking about throwing in something about a bible and searching for faith over and over again but failing with some worn page metaphor...my stuffs been way too pessimistic lately...

**LesPaul43** · 03-21-2007, 05:39 PM

I think its gunna be good.

littleknowitall · 03-21-2007, 05:39 PM

was ange a type for angel or if not who is ange? nce by the way, love the way you write dude.

**sleepy jack** · 03-21-2007, 05:41 PM

Ange is my ex, its my way of saying im, pissed? not really more confusedo about her apologizing.

Any ideas for chord progressions would be welcome too, or any guitar parts.

enemyat_thesix · 03-21-2007, 11:02 PM

It seems sloppily written to me: the first stanza is made up of fragments, and doesn't really make sense (watch your tenses); in the second stanza, having 'still' and 'remain' in the same sentence is redundant, and you don't need a comma after *'chords' (as well as many other places throughout). If you're trying to show a lyric break, use backslashes, not commas.

All in all, it needs some serious revamping grammar-wise.

**sleepy jack** · 03-21-2007, 11:07 PM

I have this bad habit of putting commas in writing when I stop at a line, like i'll be writing something and i'll stop, place a comma then continue on.

I fixed all of it I think.

~~Haecceity~~ · 03-21-2007, 11:43 PM

enemyat_thesix
can i see one nice comment man
whos stuff do you like
YOURS

~~Haecceity~~ · 03-21-2007, 11:45 PM

i especially like chorus
short but you did say it was only half or part of it

littleknowitall · 03-22-2007, 03:56 AM

I like him, if he's criticizing and knows enough to criticize well....then that can only be a productive thing, he's telling you how to improve atleast and not just saying ' i dun like it' like some retards would.

Anyway, ethan i'll try and fit a chord progression over it some point in the week if you want, just tell me what sort of style you want.

**sleepy jack** · 03-22-2007, 10:55 AM

Elliott Smith or Bright Eyes (Lua, Poison Oak, etc.) style

<33333333333333333333jake.

I'll upload some songs later to give you an idea.

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03-21-2007, 05:28 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,552	Same Old Beats, Old Slum Streets Same Old Beats, Old Slum Streets I bring myself to rise and I walk to the streets And listen to my feet crack the water underneath My steps, as I watch the clouds slowly surround the sun And bring it down, to prove the brightest stars eventually burn out. these dead brown eyes and broken chords are all I ever brought you, and they remain hollow to your ears and empty to your love. And though this ink has dried you try and change The words we made, but ange all you can do is cover them They're too dry to wipe away, thats the first half, it just sort of came out and I didn't wanna write a next verse since it wouldn't have come the same way? I don't know, the brown eyes verse is going to be the chorus. I'm thinking about throwing in something about a bible and searching for faith over and over again but failing with some worn page metaphor...my stuffs been way too pessimistic lately... __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

03-21-2007, 05:39 PM
LesPaul43 Bring da Ruckus Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: British Columbia Posts: 4,011	I think its gunna be good. __________________ Life's not a bitch life is a beautiful woman You only call her a bitch because she won't let you get that pussy Maybe she didn't feel y'all shared any similar interests When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold

03-21-2007, 05:39 PM
littleknowitall Pow! Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Swansea, Wales, UK. Posts: 1,502	was ange a type for angel or if not who is ange? nce by the way, love the way you write dude. __________________ My Myspace. My Bands Myspace - Please Show Some Love Here. My Youtube. My Ultimate Guitar.

03-21-2007, 05:41 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,552	Ange is my ex, its my way of saying im, pissed? not really more confusedo about her apologizing. Any ideas for chord progressions would be welcome too, or any guitar parts. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

03-21-2007, 11:07 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,552	I have this bad habit of putting commas in writing when I stop at a line, like i'll be writing something and i'll stop, place a comma then continue on. I fixed all of it I think. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

03-21-2007, 11:43 PM
~~Haecceity~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 4	enemyat_thesix can i see one nice comment man whos stuff do you like YOURS

03-21-2007, 11:45 PM
~~Haecceity~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 4	i especially like chorus short but you did say it was only half or part of it

03-22-2007, 03:56 AM
littleknowitall Pow! Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Swansea, Wales, UK. Posts: 1,502	I like him, if he's criticizing and knows enough to criticize well....then that can only be a productive thing, he's telling you how to improve atleast and not just saying ' i dun like it' like some retards would. Anyway, ethan i'll try and fit a chord progression over it some point in the week if you want, just tell me what sort of style you want. __________________ My Myspace. My Bands Myspace - Please Show Some Love Here. My Youtube. My Ultimate Guitar.

03-22-2007, 10:55 AM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,552	Elliott Smith or Bright Eyes (Lua, Poison Oak, etc.) style <33333333333333333333jake. I'll upload some songs later to give you an idea. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.