You (effect, song, hands)

Crowe · 04-01-2007, 12:01 AM

You

I am ashamed.
I will speak to you,
But only from the comfort of darkness.
Do not strain your eyes,
To see my face.
With this coarse voice,
I will attempt to explain.

I regard you with wonder,
And better still with awe.
You are a miracle.
And I am undeserving.
Please forgive me,
Though I wouldn't do the same.
My hypocrisy is crippling.

I am a man who is whole.
Without the sum of his conscience.
I am a liar.
And you exist as my only truth.
My honesty in the form of,
A breathtaking figure of grace.
Yet I sit here... in a place devoid of light.

To avoid your gaze.

And when I emerge from these shadows with my torn face.
I know you will be there with the healing touch.
And I will weep in silence and without regard to time.
From my hands onto your cheeks.
My tears, succumbing to gravity.
My love finally resting,
A solemn corpse buried in you.

R. Crowe

**sleepy jack** · 04-01-2007, 12:03 AM

that ending = <33333

The first verse totally made me expect something else from the rest.

Crowe · 04-02-2007, 11:04 PM

So I guess people have just pretty much given up on the songwriting forum, eh?

**sleepy jack** · 04-02-2007, 11:07 PM

basically, yes.

DontRunMeOver · 04-05-2007, 04:22 PM

I like it, and all the more for the fact that the final line fits but at the same time doesn't sit comfortably. It has a kind of jarring effect that works well for this piece.

**right-track** · 04-05-2007, 05:05 PM

"I am a man who is whole.
Without the sum of his conscience.
I am a liar.
And you exist as my only truth".

That's easily the most poetic lines I've read of yours so far Crowe.
The rest I liked, but if you could match it with words like those, it would be perfect.
I always enjoy reading your stuff, keep posting them up .
And I hope more people start to give a bit more feedback in this part of the forum.

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04-01-2007, 12:01 AM
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chicago/St. Louie Posts: 726	You You I am ashamed. I will speak to you, But only from the comfort of darkness. Do not strain your eyes, To see my face. With this coarse voice, I will attempt to explain. I regard you with wonder, And better still with awe. You are a miracle. And I am undeserving. Please forgive me, Though I wouldn't do the same. My hypocrisy is crippling. I am a man who is whole. Without the sum of his conscience. I am a liar. And you exist as my only truth. My honesty in the form of, A breathtaking figure of grace. Yet I sit here... in a place devoid of light. To avoid your gaze. And when I emerge from these shadows with my torn face. I know you will be there with the healing touch. And I will weep in silence and without regard to time. From my hands onto your cheeks. My tears, succumbing to gravity. My love finally resting, A solemn corpse buried in you. R. Crowe __________________ My silly experimental band: www.myspace.com/boyfromthestarsmusic

04-01-2007, 12:03 AM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,569	that ending = <33333 The first verse totally made me expect something else from the rest. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

04-02-2007, 11:04 PM
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chicago/St. Louie Posts: 726	So I guess people have just pretty much given up on the songwriting forum, eh? __________________ My silly experimental band: www.myspace.com/boyfromthestarsmusic

04-02-2007, 11:07 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,569	basically, yes. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.