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Old 04-03-2007, 06:18 PM  
sleepy jack
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Default Flowers Part I

I'm going to record this, its going be like ambient sigur ros-ish and with hopefully a female vocalist because I can't get my voice high enough.

Flowers Part I

There are roots I draw beneath my feet,
Laid there so I can breathe,
But with one simple erase
I break free,
Slowly wilting, but for the first time
Dying in peace.
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Old 04-03-2007, 10:11 PM  
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There's > roots

Subject-verb agreement. C'mon kid.
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Old 04-03-2007, 11:09 PM  
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Ooh.....deep.
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Old 04-04-2007, 12:44 AM  
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Originally Posted by enemyat_thesix View Post
There's > roots

Subject-verb agreement. C'mon kid.
Changed it to there are, I also took out cartoon, just because it wasn't needed. I was going to make the title Cartoon Roots butttno.
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Old 04-04-2007, 09:18 AM  
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I dig it.
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Old 04-04-2007, 10:30 PM  
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Personally I don't think the drawing theme goes with the plant theme at all. But that's just me.
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Old 04-05-2007, 10:16 AM  
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Wilting flowers? C'mon, man.
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Old 04-05-2007, 04:29 PM  
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What would you rather uprooted flowers do? I expect that a similar topic has been done many times in poetry, but as lyrics I can't remember hearing it so it's fine by me.

I'm not sure about the word 'erase' being there. It seemed a bit strange reading it and I'm not convinced that the word is a good one to sing. Other than that this looks like it'll work well as a lyric. For once there aren't too many syllables in a songwriting forum lyric. YES! It's actually a lyric!
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