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04-03-2007, 06:18 PM
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Bone Machine
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 17,373
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Flowers Part I
I'm going to record this, its going be like ambient sigur ros-ish and with hopefully a female vocalist because I can't get my voice high enough.
Flowers Part I There are roots I draw beneath my feet, Laid there so I can breathe, But with one simple erase I break free, Slowly wilting, but for the first time Dying in peace.
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You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday. |
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04-03-2007, 10:11 PM
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Bancount: 3
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Boston
Posts: 879
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There's > roots
Subject-verb agreement. C'mon kid.
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04-03-2007, 11:09 PM
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Groupie
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 23
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Ooh.....deep.
  
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You made me like this. |
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04-04-2007, 12:44 AM
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Bone Machine
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 17,373
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Quote:
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You're so evil and I'm so good, I'll make it up to you someday. |
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04-04-2007, 09:18 AM
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Me and The Major
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1,887
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I dig it.
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04-04-2007, 10:30 PM
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Bancount: 3
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Boston
Posts: 879
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Personally I don't think the drawing theme goes with the plant theme at all. But that's just me.
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Quote:
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04-05-2007, 10:16 AM
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Bad motherfücker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In The Realms of Poetry
Posts: 548
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Wilting flowers? C'mon, man.
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04-05-2007, 04:29 PM
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They call me Tundra Boy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In your linen cupboard.
Posts: 1,208
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What would you rather uprooted flowers do? I expect that a similar topic has been done many times in poetry, but as lyrics I can't remember hearing it so it's fine by me.
I'm not sure about the word 'erase' being there. It seemed a bit strange reading it and I'm not convinced that the word is a good one to sing. Other than that this looks like it'll work well as a lyric. For once there aren't too many syllables in a songwriting forum lyric. YES! It's actually a lyric!
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To listen to my music click this link - WWW.MYSPACE.COM/JODILEEPARKER Quote:
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