Listening to the Whisper Of A Dying Symphony. (member, memory)

**sleepy jack** · 04-09-2007, 04:48 PM

Considering changing the ending to each and every fucking breath, but I have no idea if that'd more powerful or just pointless profanity. What do you guys think?

symphony.

So if love can really be transposed onto a page as I believe
Then my eyes aren't failing me when I see no words here,
Just the awkward appearance of notes placed too infrequently
I trace my hand along the every line and hear a chord,
Listening to the faint scream of an echo flying through paper,
Like the memory of what use to be,
And would you sing for me and carve the words into my notebook,
So I can remember your voice forever,
And hear the ghosts of everything you said with each and every breath.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 04-10-2007, 11:36 AM

Use the f-bomb, biatch. And read Etheridge Knight's "Feeling Fucked up."

The Dave · 04-10-2007, 12:53 PM

'carve the words into my arm'

Are you serious?

zak · 04-10-2007, 01:08 PM

I agree, the 'carve the words into my arm' was more powerful than the F bomb..

The Dave · 04-10-2007, 06:48 PM

You thought that line was good? Sounds like something HH would write.

**sleepy jack** · 04-10-2007, 06:49 PM

Yeah srrsly, ghey line

/editz

zak · 04-11-2007, 08:22 AM

No, i didn't think is was good, i just thought it was more powerful than putting the F bomb in there

enemyat_thesix · 04-12-2007, 12:10 AM

A bomb > F bomb

**sleepy jack** · 04-12-2007, 12:16 AM

bombs before hoes.

You know I think I hate this piece, it maybe the title but everytime I look over it I cringe.

enemyat_thesix · 04-12-2007, 12:20 AM

the title does blow. so cliche.

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04-09-2007, 04:48 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,552	Listening to the Whisper Of A Dying Symphony. Considering changing the ending to each and every fucking breath, but I have no idea if that'd more powerful or just pointless profanity. What do you guys think? symphony. So if love can really be transposed onto a page as I believe Then my eyes aren't failing me when I see no words here, Just the awkward appearance of notes placed too infrequently I trace my hand along the every line and hear a chord, Listening to the faint scream of an echo flying through paper, Like the memory of what use to be, And would you sing for me and carve the words into my notebook, So I can remember your voice forever, And hear the ghosts of everything you said with each and every breath. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

04-10-2007, 12:53 PM
The Dave Me and The Major Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Kentucky Posts: 1,886	'carve the words into my arm' Are you serious? __________________ My collection,winkwinkcoughcough

04-10-2007, 01:08 PM
zak Groupie Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Illinois Posts: 19	I agree, the 'carve the words into my arm' was more powerful than the F bomb..

04-10-2007, 06:48 PM
The Dave Me and The Major Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Kentucky Posts: 1,886	You thought that line was good? Sounds like something HH would write. __________________ My collection,winkwinkcoughcough

04-10-2007, 06:49 PM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,552	Yeah srrsly, ghey line /editz __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.

04-11-2007, 08:22 AM
zak Groupie Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Illinois Posts: 19	No, i didn't think is was good, i just thought it was more powerful than putting the F bomb in there

04-12-2007, 12:16 AM
sleepy jack Bone Machine Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jesusland Posts: 17,552	bombs before hoes. You know I think I hate this piece, it maybe the title but everytime I look over it I cringe. __________________ I'm not blind, I believe in you.