Voice_of_the_Soul12,13,01

Verse 1:

Unleash hell
Slaughter the cause
Destroy this Empire
End this realm

Purify the plains
Ravage the foes
Save the pure ones
Ignore their blows

Chorus:

10,000 legions at my command
Here to annihilate the damned
10,000 legions at my authority
Delivering to the world true harmony

Verse 2:

Engulf their armies
Match steel with steel
Baptize their cities
With an endless inferno

Sever the bloodlines
Leave none standing
The is the purge
To end all wars

Chorus:

10,000 legions at my command
Here to annihilate the damned
10,000 legions at my authority
Delivering to the world true harmony

Bridge:

Genocide is the only way
We'll end your suffering today
Enjoy an afterlife of tranquility
Or endure an eternal brutality

4 billion years of violence and decay
It must end this Judgment Day
The cosmos is on the verge of destruction
The legions on the sidelines no longer can stay

Acoustic Break:

Surrender
No need for tears
No need for this war
We only want peace

Look to yourselves
You know the truth
If you desire silence
We will save you (And if you...)

Bridge (back to loudness):

Desire war, carnage, and the urge to maim
You arrogant bastards will see why we came!

(Instrumental Break)

Chorus Breakdown: (2x)

10,000 legions at my command
Here to annihilate the damned
10,000 legions at my authority
Delivering to the world true harmony

Overlap:

Genocide is the only way
We'll end your suffering this day
Enjoy an afterlife of tranquility
Or endure an eternal brutality

4 billion years of violence and decay
It must end this Judgment Day
The cosmos is on the verge of destruction
The legions on the sidelines NO LONGER WILL STAY!!!

Ace

This one is alot better than your previous ones.
I still put emphasis on you needing to get away from the whole (let's write about death and destruction) thing, but this one has potential and it flows rather well. You could probably redo some of it, and make it even better.

__________________

Voice_of_the_Soul12,13,01

Well, it's not so much about overall death and destruction for the sake of death and destruction, but more for the sake of obtaining true serenity which can't be accomplished as long as life remains.

I have BIG plans for music to put to this song. Gonna be my biggest challenge. I actually did get a good start on an intro, but my damn computer got ****ed up and I had to do a system recovery, and I lost everything. That song was the only thing I didn't think to email to myself or to my guitarist or anyone. PISSED ME OFF!

Jadix

pretty cliche if you ask me. The whole 10,000 legions thing seems done before. You have tool's 10,000 days, you have the white stripes 1000 nation army or whatever it is.

But anyways, poetically i dont like it much either. Its pretty cool that you had the idea to create a song about another galaxy/world/time. Its like a sci-fi rock song, which can be awesome. However, your lines are just so bland that it doesn't work at all for me.

Purify the plains
Ravage the foes
Save the pure ones
Ignore their blows

That is completely and utterly empty. Its like you're writing a book, but all you're saying is "Jon went to the store. Jon bought some milk. Then jon payed for milk. Jon drove home."

Also, i have a lot of trouble placing this in a time period. You say "4 billion years of death and decay", so I would assume the future, but then you say "Match Steel with Steel". I mean, these people have been fighting for 4 billion years and they still haven't made a gun?

then you say "Leave none standing", and then you say "Surrender, we only want peace"? and "Baptize their cities"?

You're all over the place with this song, you're forcing it way too hard. Go back and rewrite this from the start. Its a good idea, it just needs to be redone. And dont write when you dont feel it. If you force it, it wont be any good.

Voice_of_the_Soul12,13,01

This does take place on Earth, and it's about eliminating any threats to peace. The damned and those who fight back will be slaughtered and brutally killed, while those who surrender will be granted a painless death and get to spend eternity in peace. It's about cleansing the Earth so everlasting harmony can be achieved, and people, good and evil alike, stand in the way of that.

"Match Steel with Steel" makes sense to me. We use guns, made of steel or metal, and these legions I talk about use swords, axes, and so on....... I listen to Amon Amarth alot. haha.

And yeah, I know 10,000 is an overused number, but it just rolls off the tongue when you say it.

Jadix

We're you a hitler youth member or something?

Voice_of_the_Soul12,13,01

haha. No. I just have certain views about the world.