Trauma

I'd like to work on my rhymed verse poetry, but I really liked this blank verse poem I wrote, and would like to share it with MB.
P.S. It's metaphorical.



"The Pursuit"

I was in the playground when Time arrived.
Wishing to converse with it, I jumped off the carousel, and followed it, departing from the green grass.
When Time passed through a wrought-iron gateway,
I began to sprint.
Pushing forward in a final desperate attempt to throw my arm on its shoulder,
I caught my breath instead.
At that moment, my eyes captured a stranger they had never apprehended before.
But he, being more agile, tripped me mid-thought, laying my body in the dust.
Looking up at him, his coy grin fell on me, empowered by some secret malice.
I knew then that this was Existence, his fiery countenance glinting off the metal spade in his right hand, a complement to the trillions of graves scattered in the cemetary behind him.
I lowered my gaze to Time, its arms resting restlessly on a wheelbarrow, standing next to the Entrance, laughing.

-Jake V. 5/15/07

__________________

sleepy jack

I don't like heaving there, but thats just me.

Other than that, excellent as always. Is there a reason time and entrance are capitalized?

__________________
I dyed my hair in a motel void met the coroner at the Dreamgate Frontier,
He took my hand said I'll help you boy if you really want to disappear.

Trauma

Time as referring to an omnipresent tangible figure.
Entrance symbolizing all that comes after you die.

__________________